Saturday, February 11, 2012

Pinch me please! is this true? AT LAST!

How many years folks have i sought a better way to live?
How many years have i stuck out distress and trauma every day and night wishing and hoping for a better type of living and in a better environment with safety?
it has been three full years since DRCC decided in their wisdom to uproot me from my community and move me away from it to an unknown cul de sac.
This cul de sac was not even known to many in the area and certainly not to me or my care team.
This is where they decided in their wisdom to place me.
I was becoming more disabled and asked for rehousing in a downstairs apartment.
One had come free on the street i had grown to love.
They refused me that place on the grounds i did not deserve it as i was a single woman and only needed one bedroom.
Well, i had already a two bed apartment and already so due to my disability of a different type.
What i experienced in the cul de sac with no name doesn't bear thinking about.
I was shot at by the children, had hurley balls thrown and eggs and water bombs.
i was intimidated by all those older children and by the men.  It seemed that all the men in that street were alcoholics with only two women, one being spanish.
I had no where to go to, no one to talk to and was sandwiched between two men with alcohol issues who drank heavily and threatened me.
I was single and disabled.  I had been sexually abused as a young person.
i was alone.
Also, the place was tiny and claustrophobia was awful.
there were high walls all round and i saw no one and heard nothing but alcoholic screams and fights.
i was terrified and taking hammers and heavy implements to bed with me in case i was attacked.
Many times i fled to my twin sister who had relocated back home.
Three full years of finding a way out.  This had uprooted my dear twin, a person i loved and who had also expectations for her retirement after a very fulfilling and rewarding professional life.
This was coupled with the disruption that was needed to get me out and not helped by a family who found me pesky and demanding.
Demanding i was...'Please help me!'
In fact, the demand was nothing other than despair in my heart as i tried to live day to day in hope for a better way.
My twin and i also had fraught relationships during this hellish period for both of us.
We fought a lot and found our characters and personality had grown in proportion to our different lives and different experiences and ways of living.  Not to mention different countries of choice!
We made decisions not approved of by the family of origin and we made decisions also not approved of in the economic sense and the time that is in it.  My poor country now is not feeling charitable toward the least fortunate and disabled and struggling.  My country like self is now completely and utterly broke!
We held firm.
Days were slowly passing with no answers and it was proving unrelenting hell on earth.
We then had to relocate out of our county in order to find what we needed as disabled women, single and alone yet wanting to be near each other.
We always wanted to be near enough to care.  This is not alien to our character or ways but does come naturally.
We also wanted suitable homes, bungalows with easy access.
We found the homes within a small enclave in Co. Wicklow.
The natives are kindly and gentle and seemingly have embraced the oddity that has come into their lives, rather surprisingly.
We already have proven 'Characters.'
We are noted for screaming at each other, having dogs that bark and being very different.
We are also noted for howling at full moons  and holding up pineapples (this for photographic aesthetics and fun) on my part.
We are noted for getting up at dawn and dressing in attire not seen before, that is purple woolly dressing gowns over african kaftans and topped and bottomed with woolly gloves and boots, all for the snatch of a steak of red or rather a ballooning of amazing colours peeping up over the horizon, awakening myself to take the image of a lifetime.
this is a purity i have not ever experienced before.
To wake with wonder and awe, to awaken in safety and a haven.
I am now fully awake.
I have arrived and can do nothing other than pinch myself.
Today, i shall remember.
I am now in.
I am in my own home, with my two dogs Ana Chi and Maggie Mai.
My twin is in her own home.
She with her dog Saffi.
WE have arrived.
This is what we had fought for and fought over.
No, no sheltered accommodation.
No, no living together for economic reasons.
We wanted to get back our sanity of what we had known mostly.
Living quietly on our own, the ways we had known and our ways of dealing with life and all it has to throw at us.
Remember, we are touching the golden, at the age where settling down is normal, uprooting not so.
Who could blame us for wanting something better than we had had before, if this was to be the case?
We have settled down.
I have a wonderful wee home now.  An even more so wonderful garden, full of potential.  I have already asked a neighbour down to identify my weeds!
I cannot believe this awakening from living in hell to now living in utter peace and quiet, well lets hope time will deliver on this last part.
Knowing my twin is up the street not far from me is the bonus we had sought for too.
We will have all the hurdles ahead relating to our disability and illnesses and that is not in dispute.
We recently had the very bad news that twin now has to undergo Cancer treatment and i had a bad bad day of trying to figure if i was to live or die, fortunately i walked away from a car crash unscathed.
that crash enabled me to embed myself firmly into my neighbourhood as i embedded into trees and vegetation in it and had many stand round until ambulance came and had a sweet talker at my ear as i lay horizontal on the damp and cold grass.
i have made my contact.
we have made contact.
we have arrived.
What can i say to all who have hurt me in the past decade?
what need i?
i can say, i did it, we did it and we will survive anything now.

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