noticeably absent for a reason...health in ireland

i have not been writing as consistently as i would have liked.

at present i feel personally over burdened with 'my lot.'

a very good example happened in the public hospital yesterday, waiting to see my neurologist i began to get very ill indeed, i thought i would vomit.  i asked the nurse for some drenched paper towels and moved towards a window.

i felt i wanted to just flee.
i felt i was in a personal space of danger and wanted 'out.'

i am unable for this irish healthcare system at present.
its breaking me down and impacting on my physical health and my psychological health.

my wellbeing is extremely compromised, so much so i can barely enjoy an hour of the day at present.
i am overwhelmed and overburdened in extreme.

why i better answer this and what happened that was so bad waiting for the neurologist.
i have lost my faith in irish medicine.
i believe its dangerous.
i believe i am in a dangerous country that will not keep me safe.

i am now so fearful i wish i was any place but in my own country but can anyone leave it at my age when few connections exist in other places.
there are little enough in ireland for me, but if i left would i make myself even more unhappy and in pain?

i hardly think i could have it worse than here.
but loathe to shift right now from the land, its the earth and environment of ireland i adore.
not its people, its politics or its ethos or morality, they have all died.
they die when we celebrate 100years of freedom but watch men run down disabled man and biff a woman standing still and yet all the guards are standing watching this happen and no move is made towards the aggressor.
this sickens to the pit of my stomach.

hospitals too there is major aggression against public patients.
you cannot even ask anymore for a public consultant to look at a raft of bloods you had done, he will refuse.
you cannot get him to watch five minutes of a video at an expert foot/gait analysis clinic, he refuses.
you cannot get another refer you to a dietitian, but on the suggestion of a rare disease unit in the UK, what happens when this report is placed before him as collatoral and proof, he walks, picks up my files and leaves the room.

this my friend is blatent disempowerment and there isnt a sod thing i can do about it
when you cannot get an irish doctor to say to your face - you are not safe in this country, there is nothing here for a person with your cluster of diseases i will help you find a centre of excellence then you know you are in deep shit.
shoring up a hospital group as the consultants watch over a public private enclave south county dublin and are the major stake holders in such a group is not going to see the private consultants who have to do public patient work, ever on the side of the public patient.
the onus is to make the hospital group fully private and a business.

if the hospital group believed in the equality for all they would treat you as well as they do their private patients, but they treat you with utter contempt.

i also am at an all time low when the ability to find justice against the corrupt healthcare services is placed at the bottom of the pot at human rights levels and judicial levels.

the human rights & equality commission has been grossly watered down.
the juidical process which allows for free legal aid and pro bono work is hard to get, and no one will take pro bono work against another incredibly large state organisation the HSE which has its own legal department.
you are again in a sea of corruption and lopesided non equal status of the haves  and the have nots, the power beasts and the bitsy people suffering in this country.

there is no way an unsupported individual of ireland can survive the power of state organised abuse here.
its prevasive and even the corruption stakes i believe are watered down grossly.

we do not believe we are squeaky clean as a nation yet we certainly are not considered the worst in europe.
i doubt the irish citizen would see it other than the very worst in europe.


by virtue of having the worse healthcare system in europe and being the last to ratify the human rights of those with disabilities, well then thats really corrupt.
because the ability to hold and honor all equally is proven then here.
if you do not want to see the sick and the poor be treated well, you stall on ratifying their rights, that is their human rights.

i have no human rights against the doctor i met yesterday.  he has known me years and knows i have a complex condition, he has refused to implement the plans from a rare diseases unit abroad, and even though in theory he knowns my conditions and my illnesses when he was to examine my walking he asks me was i safe enough to walk the corridors.
i thought it bizarre that he doesnt even know how safe is my walking and yet will not put through a process which three neurologists in the uk will believe it will improve my walking.

when asked by the disabiltiy advocate are there implications to botox i believe he had no answers, there are no implications to botox, its a relative short lived stunning of muscle, long term effects possibly but i am on the way out anyway.
if it breaks the muscle tightness to allow me walk i see no harm at this stage of my life.

he wont allow me go for a second opinion but he wont stop me either but last consult he wouldnt refer me back to uk, and wouldnt be referrig me to a neuromuscular diseases centre.

when corruption also means that the human rights commission cannot fight for me when a large state run organisation runs ruckshod over you because the waffle response means, they cannot afford to support you in something that isnt simple and they may not win even if they do.

this is a situaton where they will risk the offer of legal assistance in my case because they have no idea if it could lead to a successful result, but it could well do, but the risk isnt worth the money.

i will rephrase that one, I AM not worth this money, and it oculd be drawn out as the complexity of abuse is overwhelming.
Law is not strong so they do doubt how far this can go.

so the commission isnt strong, the laws of hte land are not strong and i have no equal rights therefore n one will take a case.

shafting ireland for being the way it is is my duty and shows i care about vulnerable groups here.
saying it as  it really is, as in lived experience has to be heard, no matter over and above ways that do this, because abuse is so normalised here the lines between correctness and corruption so blurred not even the judicial system has rules to deal with it.
when the law is not strong it could be very messy.
if you have one issue and run with one issue you have a chance.
running against a state funded run healthcare system is seen as dangerous to the purse by many.

the hse is shored up by a strong legal department and money it saves precisely to defend what i consider the indefensib.e

i do not like living in the Ireland of today and seeking a way of escape from the corruption over my right to equal healthcare even if an older person and poor.

shafting ireland means warning those who think it might be nice to come here to live.
remember if you come and get sick, you may have a very complicated and stressful life, not for the faint hearted.
you have to be a bull or corrupt to face all this, believe me facing it you must.

but though very down and in the gutter so to speak, i am still alive.
justice will be seen to be done and i will find to tell theis story from beginning to bitter end, for its a steep learning curve for me anyway.
i want to make sure no one has notions about ireland in a sentimentalised manner, the real truth will be the test of sickness, age and disability will have on your quality of life.

mine is zero.
the level a country can offer you in the quality stakes will mark that country as being suitable to live in.
quality of life for the sick, elderly and vulnerable is not an age old wisdom piece to protect all who are sick disabled and vulnerable.
in the ireland of the day, fighting your corner can be tough, and it will be if you live here.

i pray things will imporve, but i am not hopeful.