Sunday, March 13, 2011

Mad Sad and Bloody awful

I would like to know 'who can be right?'

Here goes as i try to explain....
Eventime, yesterday i felt ghastly.  Legs very wibbly wobbly, pain off the richter scale, sickness as in vomiting up, near or near abouts, and i was brutal.
these are serious times, for i have to work this one out very very carefully.
Why?  i am in Ireland, and i am I.
and if you wonder still again...i am one of the defectives according to your man in the US of A who decided all who suffer pain or psychological distress should be shipped to Siberia.
(he also stated the world was overpopulated anyway, and i wonder will the disaster in Japan, do?).  Well, is he anyway near satisfied that enough innocents have died there as in population control?  Rentokil pales my friend.
Now back to overpopulation in Holy Ireland.
well we are not, and will be depopulated soon by emmigation and at the A&E's.
More explaining...i tend to waffle.
I ended there.  the considerations i carried out last night were way off, that bloody richter scale.
In i go, and out i came two and a half hours later, no doc, no pillow, no sip of water, no exam, no nothing.  nothing!  oh, i filled a pee-pot that had fallen out of my hand at the toilet rolled under it in the wet only to be picked up by my male attendant and handed back to me!
who cares anymore, as the last time one was rolled to me under the door, i pretended i had dropped it and given another.
so this time you don't care.
with a wheelchair bumped along, jerking into a cubicle too small in the wash room.
Oh i hurt so.
asked about the pain when i came in on a scale of 1-10 i said it was up around 9.  well it wasn't, it was way over.
but see, these are only numbers!  they don't know how it feels.
as this explanation fits the feelings i have, and i have them be not without a doubt.
I am told i have Sjoghens Syndrome.  that was about two years ago or a bit more.
'ah dont worry about it, its relatively mild condition,' and even when i was sitting there in the wheelchair i muttered 'Mild, i dread to think what its like if its BAD!'  He sort of giggled a bit too. I never heard of the blinking condition.
anyway i go away, two years ago and a bit or more.
it is ten times worse now then then (don't worry about the numerals, no one understands their meaning in the face of illness).
the eyes are sticky and ache, you cannot read, you cannot be in bright light, well you can hardly be in any light actually.
they feel as if they have grit in em..all the time, like.
your nose is dry and scratchy, it feels like er, sandpaper in them nostrils.
it is clogged with hard stuff (no not nice and it doesn't feel any nicer either).
your skin is dry and thin, bruises easily, especially in a flare.
the palms of your hands are red and on fire, fire.
you cannot place them on any surface.
your finger joints are oh achy, achy and you rub em to try and make it go away taking the fingers with em for who wants them if they can cause this amount of pain.
you cannot flex some knuckles, a bit of a hindrance when typing.
your knees are bits, you cannot let even soft throws lie over them and its painful to walk.
your neck is also in same way, you want to lie flat and remain so.for ever.
you have raynauds which is supposed to go with the sjogrens along with the RA factor, but don't worry on the latter, it isn't Rheumatoid arthritis, just feels like it and its non deforming. ur? Its a fake sort of arthritis, but fake hurts! Its a factor Rheumatoid artritis, whatever the factor part means, i couldnt be bothered even finding that one out.
the raynauds has you trying to type in mitts, sticking hands and feet out of bed one minute and then back in bed the next for first they are on fire and next they are icy cold.
you wear mitts in bed and a pair of woolly socks PLUS Aussie sheep slippers, the glove kind.  with the fur on and its soft and wonderful. it was worth my twins trip to australia if only for that.
well you wont notice you wont feel its only a mild condition...don't worry about the numbers either, i say...up yours!
no part of the flesh can be in touch with textured materials, you lie on fake silk.  but you can only do this for a while cos if you stay in one place and you really wanna the body unders started to scream with pain.  the underside of the legs that is, for they are effected worse by far.
you are overheating so the window has remained open all winter day and night.
the heating is off, until that becomes unbearable.
you go from being too hot to being too cold, with or without the heating on.
you sweat buckets, even though past the menopause.
dont forget that one, i AM past the menopause, contrary to what a doctor thought a year ago when he asked me was i pregnant, i had a crohns blockage, and i was 57 at the time, no unless by divine intervention i say.  the gut was trying to get rid of a stuck lump of food, a bit like a lumpy baby i guess, bloody felt the same, same idea, involuntary muscles and contracting every fifteen minutes, problem is, you dont get a nice squawl at the end of it, you get er, nothing, sod all, nothing whatsoever for your pain but abuse, "HEY, be quiet, there are REAL sick people here!
oh the crohns disease is only supposed to be 'a mild case' of it.
like hell sir, like hell, you don't have part of your intestine out for a mild case of anything.  That is considered Major surgery, so who mentioned 'mild?'
you dont sit on the toilet with cramps, sickness and a fan in your hand for want of a mild case of it.
it either comes down or it doesn't, and it comes down.  Use your imagination on that one please.
We are still with the Primary Sjogrens Syndrome.
Its a doddle, according to em.
Is it really, and you on fire?
the head is thumping too.
Not to mention the fibromyalgia.  Now THAT is equal to warrant a trip to siberia to friggin freeze to death!
this is supposed to be all in the mind..aka last night for two hours next to the laundry closet.
In A&E.
try this one, its neat, pain...on a grand scale, and if you knock an elbow or someplace else. You will soon know about it, and that has you bent in two holding the part that cracked a knob, doubled over like on the toilet seat with a crohns flare.
and if all three flare at the same time.
You want Siberia! You want it, not an Irish A&E/

so this is all mild eh?
say that to the cronnies on Irish and also the Sjoggies there too and all suffering from fibro.
THEY say it to each other, all us sickies, say it as it is.  and you are understood implicitly without any bloody number games.
they KNOW what you are talking about.
every inch of it, ever body part of it.
and i can tell you every body part hurts with these conditions.
no one ever mentioned the TIREDNESS and chronic fatigue.  They forgot that one ok, left the good til last, well its a good un. that.
You are a walking zombie, like a womble of wimbledon, a right womble zombie for sure.

the crunch of it all is NEVER say to a doctor on leaving hospital after MAJOR surgery that you are not feeling so good, why?  doesnt matter, you are OUT.
the night nurse may say the wound is hot, the doctor on call say the same but the consultant has a poke around the wound down your middle and declares you fit to i go...and ask the sis to drive slowly...two days later...wound bursts....out flows...grey liquid into the air...yep we now have a massive infection.
Do they know, right, if they ask you how bad the pain is on a scale to one to you suggest anything to them?
I can think of a few things i would like to say, the first being...does it make THAT much of a you?
I was out of that place frying up like a prune, stay with the chihuahuas Ann for God's sake and HEALTH's sake, stay with the chis.
Medicine good medicine, is a few ounce of white fur balls.  each for one palm of the hand, light, fluffy, soft and even the little tongues that lick are small and not like sandpaper.
you are welcomed with beautiful bug eyed brown orbs and a twitching nose, wet and cold, and you say, lets go to bed.
you do, and you wrap around two tiny beating hearts of GOLD.
to-night on a scale of one to ten, how is it...up there mate, without the sickness for i have been flat on my back all day or most of it.

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