Saturday, November 13, 2010

Working through trouble times

I have had a poor few months, i think all would agree that is putting it mildly.
Well, you work through it, in little ways.
I put no radio on nor tv.  I slept a good bit, until dinner time at least and then drove to the Vico Road.  Oh my, it was beautiful.  Damp, slightly colder than anticipated, and no gloves as i used them to cover the camera lens.  it had begun to rain.
my little trotters were left off the lead and were on a heavenly stroll.  I think Ana is either getting old or is just a trotter's age, i do not know.  she pads along behind and a year ago she would be the one to watch as she legged it off.
Maggie is a tyrant, a brute of a tyrant, a strutter and trotter with attitude.  A brat!
a lovely comical brat, 'you get back here,' has no effect whatsoever.
a walking club walked by and one woman came to a full stop, the rest walked on.  down on her honkers she picked up maggie, she was overcome, i actually never have seen that.  she told me she lived in an apartment and couldnt have pets.  after a gentle squeeze and a cheek to cheek with the winner smiler and furry softness she took a picture of them both, and it was BAD, maggie and Ana had not been out yesterday so posers they were not.
we resumed.
maggie i think scented a rabbit for she went a bit wild and dying to dive into the bracken.  with amazing accuracy i stabbed the loop of the end of the lead with the stick.  she was stabbed curtailed.  Looking back at me with a 'how dare you,' and also 'what the h...?'
those big brown eyes, the fan like tail, the speckled dusty chin, she'd melt ya.
i hardly made it to the van.  I wasn't well, we only walked around in a small loop but what do shorties need and what do the big longgie need when her legs are agony.
back in the van i sat, supped a fortisip, to fortify me on my journey home.
as i was coming near Cunningham road, in the rain and cold i saw a very old man with a stick.
I stopped the van.  "would you like a lift?"
he was happy and relieved.
On went the hazard lights, I helped him in, tied him in and left him home, it was a bloody long way, 'did this geezer have altzeimers or what?'
He was surely not going to make it that far home i felt.
it was far too long for him.
he said he did it often.
with a salute and a smile i was happy leaving him and he said he would keep me in his prayers.  He did not know anything about me, but i will be prayed for which can only be good, i turned back then and went on my own familiar route.
back to bed.   and more sleep.
i mess a lot on the laptop now, flitting to and fro from facebook to different informative sites etc.
time passed.
I went to woodies to buy birdseed, i worn my brown felt hat and brown jumper.  I like the combo, the hat is in the style of the 30's and i adore it, it does i think look odd and i felt some stares.  i took it off.  others have said it is gorgeous.
seed was so expensive, i didn't quite get what i wanted.
to cut a long story short, evening came 9pm.  i got out of bed and for some reason decided to refill the bird seed feeders.
into the yard then, oh i just adore the air, the sky, the clouds and the sliver of a quarter moon look down on me.  the gentleness and the cool.  before i know it i was up on the raised beds in my slippers.  i stood there looking over roof tops, its a sense of something else.  not the area, not the yard, the other side i guess, something in the air of what i will meet forever, god willing.
I slowly filled and put the feeders back, my brain fog is bad and so is the co-ordination but i took it slow.
I then watered the cuttings in the cold frame and shed.
that once served as an office, so i sat on the swivvel leather, i sniffed decay and i felt a safety cocoon surround me, first inside the three shed timber walls and then in a type of musty webs of serenity and oneness.
i never had this before, the outdoors, i left it at 18 to start the neg journey of neg life.
once inside i was muttering. "I will get my life back"  I will, I certainly will.
I saw my appointment wipe board, i took a marker.
"I will get my life again.
I will find a safe home"
I will find safety and harmony and existance with my twin.
i have come to bed.  Ana is on one side, just under my right elbow.
maggie mai has dug deep and disappeared in layers and folds of fluffy throws and all is silence, all is stillness.
pain and tinnitus are there, but no one can touch me in my funny little shell of perfected tranquility, i think given by the man above, indeed i do.
and my Dad has had a hand in it too.  God Rest my Dad, my Ma and my sister, Louise and rest in peace.

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