The country and I have 'the lurgy'

we shall forget the country for the moment, what's left of it.
Now who said 'they couldn't organize a piss up in a brewery?' you have em, they drinking the stuff alright but only ones who are!
As for me i am as collapsed as my country.  I didn't do it for the country, i collapsed despite the country.
So Ireland is the last thing on my mind.
what is on my mind is bloody buzzing brain off the richter scale, ditto pain and lack of temperature control.
it was not a pretty night last night, all the meds plus plus (more on these anon) sweating, cold, no central heating on, then a blast, window open with plus plus below out there, then shut, then putting legs OVER the bed cradle as in 'elevated' then under.
the cradle got dispensed with, so did the duvet, but on came a lighter blankie and then that was shifted off.
it was a no winner, no brainer, but the brain was, and we will not use the F word again.  One has to improve on the adjectives.
there is none in this case for the brain was gone, yes, gone.
out came the screaming - not pretty.
yes, moaning and screaming.
we had (sorry I had) the humidifier on, which i carried into the sitting room and then back to the bedroom. windows as spoken before, i lay on the sofa which was even worse, i trashed in out and off the sofa or bed whichever.
i shuffled in the med drawer and all the packets and boxes and sachets got flung in the desperate bid for the baby aspirin, in case this was vascular, cos of the brain buzzing and confusion etc.
never found it, but paracetamol every four hours.
I was dead by this morning - well no, not dead cos dead people cannot drive their vans to the local out of hours gp. i wouldn't enter the war zone of A&E ever again.  i would rather die in peace than go into the fray there of blood, trolleys, drunks addicts and the poor elderly keeling over in the wait.  its inhumane.  and we shall briefly allude to my country, it will get even more so as health cuts are on the way.
poor doc was a bit out of his depth, as i am already on steroids for crohns, (medical education following as well).  Anti inflammatories wreck the stomach and so much is wrecked we gave them a miss, so it was painkillers until i see the 'real gp' tomorrow.
and i came back to bed.
watched funny chihuahua laughable loveables on youtube, which did produce a laugh, the chis i had were squeezed together under my right arm.

Now for the medical education, disease first then the medication, ok?
what i believe is happening as does the 'real gp' is a sjogrens flare and tis, off...the...richter...scale, and the my world is very shaky indeed.
sjogrens syndrome come in two sizes, Primary sjogrens and secondary.  Primary evidently comes out of the blue, and is usually confirmed by having the Rheumatoid Arthitis factor found by blood testing, which usually doesn't come with Secondary sjogrens.
and wait for it, Primary is worse.  and wait again...i have Primary sjogrens, well i would wouldnt i?
the crohns is not supposed to be THAT bad if you consider just a handful of gut blockages due to the gut narrowing and imminent surgery is being avoided like the plague.
but this sjogrens now this is a different colour altogether, very red as well.
In feeling that is.
I was on fire with pain, hands, knees, stomach and the lower legs.
oh I have mentioned the sweats too, thats all in this territory as well, low grade fever and so on so forth.
what IS sjogrens, well its an autoimmune disease, and as its a syndrome, it is multi-systemic and effects various body parts, well all body parts really.
its the second most common form of rheumatoid autoimmune disease but a lot of people go undiagnosed as some presentations can be mild.
it basically means that my moisture glands are being targeted as an enemy or alien and is being booted out by the small cells that boot aliens out, but actually this part of me body is not alien but the booter outer thinks it is.
so my moisture glands are dyin.  so i have to replace the natural tears and natural saliva with artificial.
this is to add to the artificial teeth, artificial ears in hearing aids, and artifical eyes or corrective lenses, specs.
Cure - none, just try ease the inflammation and use other meds to try sort and calm the red down to say orange or even yellow or blue would be even better.  But not RED.
Medications - Pills these are alien, and long term use of pills - medications cause side effects - ALL absolutely All with no exception.
thats my thinking.
steroids for the crohns to stop that autoimmune disease from being too active is also hastening the formation of eye cataracts.
meds for other things can cause sjogrens syndrome.  and so on so forth.
I avoid putting aliens in my body, as the body is turning into an alien - don't doubt me for thats what an autoimmune disease IS.
the body thinks some good parts are bad parts and we have a body turning on itself in full war fare fashion.
and i am sick of it.... please excuse my use of er, whats that, adverb?
I am fed up and bloody sick of it all.
I am too f.... young, no i did not use the full F...word, to be horizontal playing youtube video clips of singing chihuahaus and teeth bearing chihuahuas and alot of chihuahuas needing dental treatment.  And doing so in the dark with mist frothing out of a humidifier and the legs in prep to produce a baby that will never come.
tis not my idea of fun nor intellectual engagement of any sort by any stretch of the imagination.

Talking of the latter, i am bare faced blue terrified of reversing all the good works done to get the body into a vertical position and walking as such, without the intervention of physiotherapy which was asked for as needed by three consultants.

and the chihuahuas are scratching...so i hope that is not a dog to human transferrable illness or another bloody lurgy to attack my already alien body in an alienated brain, with alien feelings toward it and the country.
the latter is of secondary importance as at present my feelings on this being, i wont NEED to vote again, no choice.  I shall watch with interest alright, from a distance.
what i really want to do is be well enough to pluck weeds, feed the birds and the chihuahuas, walk a bit, not a lot, eat a bit, have amusing fun with the twino not youtube, and get  back to my creative endeavors which seem to be drawing further and further away.
so snap to it body and get into SHAPE, time slips by exceedingly fast, but not fast enough for a disease or a syndrome.

No jumping bugs this way please, i have enough, keep the bugs to yourself.
Bird flu??? who mentioned bird flu or is it swine flu now, oh god the brain is bothered!