Tuesday, October 16, 2012

there isnt much to think about any more

i wondered again today what is the point in it all.

am i right to be defeatist when i really want to stay very attached to life and positivity?

is it actually the real me or is it not?

suddenly i begin to feel very outside of self now.
i have so little joy in my heart right now.

Ireland is turning into a country i rather not even admit belonging to, being a citizen of, and being proud of.

we destroy far more than lift up and is it particularly irish to rip through someone as in pick on a persons foibles, character traits and personality like the bully in the school yard?

it is a sign that my country refuses to grow up.

we wil remain ever the 'paddy whacky' irish.

to see Enda on the cover of Time magazine, all shopped is a bit ludicrous.
world leader eh? our enda?

when he stands up and says we are a 'modern society' what exactly does he mean?

does he mean that by reducing disability pensions, reducing home help hours, reducing Personal assistants, stop funding for special shoes, stop funding for electric wheelchairs, stop funding for special needs school assistance he can make Ireland a tiger again?

He cannot.
when you start a reductionist programme which will wipe us out as in sedate us out or put us away into the nursing homes, reduce us to nervous wrecks at this possibility, reduce us to anxiety beyond which we can endure and have us throw the tantrums of despair that then has others throw their hands up an declare, 'i told you so, she is a right daughter of a bitch!'

and you are reduced to crying under the cover of darkness at how you have been brought so low in your confidence, self esteem and the need to roar like a lion in the face of the impending stampede of the tiger!

so you cannot walk tall anymore, or even walk at all. they have stopped funding for shoes, wheelchairs and only provide you with a victorian adaptive aid, the good old stick but this time not wood but composite steel.
we will have a stick for the blind and a stick for the deaf, a stick for the lame and a stick for everyone in the audience soon.
you wont get much else in the goodie bag anymore.

wracked in pain too causes the tantrums.
your spine is closing over and you are on three different types of pain killers including morphine.
you do not have physiotherapy nor no chance of getting to a specialist in pain relief any way soon.

when your new home help does a sickie on the day before she is supposed to start working in my home, also could cause the tantrum.

Recap on the life of one disabled Irish woman:

no home help
no physiotherapy
no special shoes
no wheelchair (electric)
no visitors
no support for having asperger or ptsd
no relief from stress or anxiety of what will happen me and the twin sister.

plenty of
all caused by Enda's modern society and how he is going to make us rich again.
Hi Enda, hello Enda, are you there Enda, will you have a photo of me?
Do i want one of you?
No Enda.
good bye Enda, will you End-a?