waking in staggering disbelief

Sunday June 8th 2014

the wind is raging, the air is chill.
i wake in awful pain but i wake too thinking of the hated HSE.
i get out of bed with extreme difficulty and in extreme pain.
i just feel in shock.
i am awake yet stunned.
i am awake and the pain of displacement, abandonment is so great i feel in a fugue.

there seems no release even after six years of hell on earth.
there seems no recognition of our struggles and what we have done here.
no uplifting other to hold the hand of those who have fallen down psychologically.

i really am talking about er, FAMILY.
yes, i know we live in very different times.
but surely to god not so different that women who are sparky and spunky, intelligent and warm  should be left alone to deal with the muck we have to deal with - alone?
surely to God we didnt commit such a crime that we are left like this.
Seemingly we have.

when i think of Family and some will sneak in here and view for the tattle of anger does filter around from one to another i think of the word 'charity'

How many of you have sat down with an old lady and tried to calm her pain of depression.
how many have gone into a social housing unit where there is deep distress and difficulty.
How many have brought sweets to an anorexic lady of overt 80 slowly dying in the lost and forgotten row upon row beds in a back hospital ward?
how many of you have seen the slums and worked there

Charity is about loving enough.

I do not mean the celeb balls, the leaflet dropping nor the offerings box at mass.

i talk of real people eye ball to eye ball contact.
suffering - face it.
One day you will be alone with this sort of stuff.
maybe you will have a person there at your side most do but if not then think ahead of how you will wake weary day after day with no human contact from your family.
how you will wake in shock at the abandonment for there is no other way to feel but this.

take every religion known to man from the day we humans had time to write, reflect and consider each other.
every known philosophy has at its basis, sharing love and kindness spreading equality and community, giving and uplifting.
none advocate walking on by,  none advocate, turn the other way, and none add 'judge first and spit next.'
we talk of staying that little while and help so that even a year would be better spend after a month of giving.
even a day would be better spent after an hour of giving.
this is called uplifting relationship with the family of origin.

meanwhile my blog extends its tentacles to many countries now.  this i am pleased because i speak from the soul and heart after a life of disadvantage.

I say to my family who yes, i love and yes i yearn to see and connect with, come visit, come help and come laugh alot.
its myself extending out my hands in friendship.
i cannot do much more, but all have known where i am, all know who i am but all chose one thing, to do the very opposite to what good people have considered as the art of being a human being.

if this hurts or sends a dart, its meant to be a plea to reflect on one thing only 'there but the grace of god go i.'
and i would never abandon those who have had it tough in such a thought out way as my family  have.

All who live within a tweny mile radius, all who drive and all upwardly mobile.
you can do it, you chose not to.