whether i have spelt the complicated word right, doesnt matter...it is not good enough...not good enough...to accept what is wrong.
very wrong.
Irish people, all of you...each and everyone is responsible for another human being.
we are bankrupt, we are at the mercy of the international and european monetary funds and funding.
we are small, insignificant and surrounded by a watery grave - yard.
so, we as a small country with a tiny population.
May i say again we are TINY, so tiny some bigger countries, BIG countries do not know of our existence - and less care.
but what do the people who dance on our land?
what do the people who cry on our land?
laugh on our land and also do a lot of awful things to many on our land.
its called NEGLECT.
It is also not good enough to stand idle and see and feel that same neglect.
Nor watch idly by when big people on a small land decimate the crops of wonderful fruitful harvests of people, especially the elderly, the sick and the infirm.
We do produce good crops.
People are people, and people are unique.
I see every day Neglect all around me.
I see complacency on a grand scale.
One government, the past one i think decided on a reasonable plan of 'community care.'
Now this is a good plan, folks, it means community first and co-operation in producing a rounded service for the least able.
thats called 'collective' thinking.
we will have the General Practitioner, the District Nurse, the Occupational Therapist, Physiotherapist and many other auxillary but front line staff collectively communicating with each other for the good of the sick, less able and unable.
what do we get? first complacency and a sort of laid back attitude, not of 'I don't care' but more of 'well so-and-so should do that.'
Pass the buck, don't make a phone call, don't accept a phone call and be pissed off when a phone call comes in for ACTION to help the sick and disabled in the community.
I heard today that this practise of community and collective thinking is more of an ideal, unreal than a reality.
It doesnt exist. What i heard was that the General Practitioner feels that the District Nurse feels that she is treading on her patch and the District Nurse feels she shouldnt interfer with the Home Help service and the Home help service feels its not their job to liaise with the District Nurse.
Cobblers, a lot of cobblers.
its called Primary Care Teams par excellance!
in theory.
now we have a recession and the tune goes 'ah well, now we cannot ask anything cos no one has any money to do anything so what's the point?
well, actually there is a point.
and also out there, those who are not pros, that is not pros as in medicine,
we are still community with intelligence, insight, and maturity.
what we do with all that is a collective responsibility.
NOT to NEGLECT the way we do, the most vunerable people who once danced on this land, laughed on this land and now weep on this land.
You do not accept the status quo and say there is nothing you can do about it, we are bankrupt and there is no money and there is no money and there is no money.
Money is not GOD.
People are the stuff of small nations.
we get up, every one on a crutch, wheels, stick and feet, we march.
and we march today and the next and the next.
we then (after marching) check on the next door neighbour.
paint the room bright if it needs it.
cut the grass.
take them out for a trip, (cannibas plus the bus), already you can tell i never sniffed that stuff by the look of the mis-spelt!
there are people sitting on the top of the mountain being told they are lucky if they can get off the top of the mountain for three hours a week.
that person is not a pensioner but a person who has assets and gifts to give and share, but how can she sitting on the top of the mountain - for God's sake.
there is another person sitting near the top of the mountain, sort of sliding down the mountain who has assets, that is a visual person who can create and loves to create but so clapped out with exhaustion that creativity is last on her mind.
basics such as getting the celiac diet up and running, the lift on her left special shoe (oh, she has to get the shoe first)!
thats the sort of utter nonsense that is my grubby little country.
what am i going to do about it?
well, if pigs could fly i would be outside the Dail Eireann and demanding that this is not good enough.
what i really am doing about it, is collapse on the top of another mountain where there is a sort of hermitage, one Cell as in Kells style and there i shall sit with a flagstone floor beneath my feet, a wood burner against one wall, a single bed against another (with a crucifix over it) and a small table and one chair on the other wall, on the final wall is the door, that has two bolts, one on top and one on the bottom.
i have my matches, my wood and my hands.
i shall bolt the door, both top and bottom, light the wood in the wood burner, sit on the one chair and stair at all four walls.
i am in hermit style contemplating the state of the nation and the wojus situation that is presented for me, others and many others who happen to be crippled and cripples in a wojus little grubby country where once people danced and laughed and harvested great and good corn and wheat, once we got rid of them who caused my country to starve.
when they go, we harvest good, and when we harvest good we do the same to our people and leave us all the plebs, starving for breath, for basic services, for our souls and for the spirit as whatsit in the irish once.
we are now in the grips of another country.
we are wojus bankrupt.
so - what are we gonna do about it?
when i come back offa the mountain i would like to have some input in the dramatic situation that is happening in a very dramatic way - in a small grubby little wojus country.
once wonderful.
wojus.
AWNYAH TODAYSAY Ann living in the Republic of Ireland and it is not a good thing. We have now ratified the EU convention on the rights of people with disabilities, yet we failed in ratifying the optional protocol, allowing us ability to make complaints to the EU under the convention, with little facility to do so in our own country. We go unheard in every sense of the word. This is unjust and leaves us more vulnerable and open to abuses. We are suffering. I am suffering.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Pitching in to keep you on your toes!
yep, pretty much so! one must keep one's audience - rating - whether you have something to say or no, but whatever.
I don't have a lot to say!
my friends are connecting in the most wonderful ways, in the most worthwhile things and it surprises me how the world can be so torrid when i have such gentle and genuine friends, who are tender at heart.
all want to listen to what is good.
say, the birdsong - which is strong right now, as we enter the springtime. The time of year which proffers hope for all alive beasts and beings.
All are watching the earth, that dusty or musty, sodden or dry earth, the crevices in rocks, the san dunes and where one can or even cannot place the foot.
what shall we find, the lizard basking or the little snowdrops peeping up.
remember what many times the snowdrops have to endure, they are not to know that snow and ice may consume them, but they raise the little nodding head no matter.
sunrises and sunsets are captured and so in awe are the cameramen and women, to stay and capture to make a snap of time, in all its ways, the sun rising for the earth only and setting so that men can rest their heads after toil or pain.
Many of my friends are known because they are in pain.
I also wonder how they manage to keep going against the odds, so what is it do you think?
Nature can be just what it is.
cruel and devastating.
trees can be stripped the thrunks cut down, broken and warped, set alight.
peopel can be broken and never mend again, in mind body and spirit.
there are to many such people.
the shock of devastation, the torture wrack of pain too.
So when a being, a man, in pain and struggling can grab that camera and take the sunrise or sunset at one part of the globe, indeed the other side of the world to me, and i know what that is about because standing on a blot in the ocean thousands of miles away, i rush to grab the camera to take the shot as Jamie left it to turn to sleep and i was awakening to my dawns and we have a cycle all again. in wonder.
so where do the human species get it so wrong?
This is something that as we get older my twin and i realise that division and separation can happen quickly, much more so than for the younger people on the earth.
not only does it happen in such a cruel way it is lasting without end.
pain will never go away for most.
but hope will never either.
So why we wake for a new dawn?
Do you think our good lord knew it as such and gave us possibly the best of nature as the sleepy eyes once stuck closed will struggle to grasp a new day but wll do so with the shock of wonder, wonderous delight.
Does Jamie stand in ridiculous shorts outside his house in America, in the heat of his time zone and i rush to the grass for all the workers of the world to see here, dressed in a madness of textures and colours, softness and sharpness.
"who is that mad woman!" maybe they say, for they have not seen this before, but if they have not maybe they will look up to see what i am gawking at and see!
dressed in purples and oranges, mitts and woolies but i get it!
as does Jamie, in possibly cotten, with no shoes on!
We are human.
but saying that, lonliness isnt far away, both in America, amongst some sick friends and also not sick friends.
Loneliness is on this blot of land so far away too.
and division is great, and ridiculously so.
when nature can dance to the rhythm and tunes they know best why cannot man do the same?
shed that isolation which is not part of what being human is.
Humans are the most social animals on the earth.
You would never know that.
Nor that they are the only ones that kill for no reason.
Why, again we shall never know.
but gentle and kind folk are everywhere but within the cradle of illness and disabilities and amongst those who want to communicate ven if its vast distances thanks to technology.
we need to catch the moment, that ribbon of red and orange and bottle it, pickle it, for in doing so we wil bottle the essance of a person, that persion so taken by god's beauty they will rush for a way to put it save, away, in their hearts, forever.
so sad the rushing for the goodness is not seen in the human species.
where is the rushing to see the gentle heart?
The tender soul? The broken or the shattered spirits, to build up again to be a part of all that is good?
So for Jamie, Denis, Linda and myself, whom i know snap the earth and skies, well done and glad to have and cherish you as friends, also Mary, but is she that for i have had a lunatic moment and see the person and not the name, but by the time i press that key to enter "enter" i probably will remember again.
so there is a person who knows themselves, to be a worker in the world of beauty and trauma.
I don't have a lot to say!
my friends are connecting in the most wonderful ways, in the most worthwhile things and it surprises me how the world can be so torrid when i have such gentle and genuine friends, who are tender at heart.
all want to listen to what is good.
say, the birdsong - which is strong right now, as we enter the springtime. The time of year which proffers hope for all alive beasts and beings.
All are watching the earth, that dusty or musty, sodden or dry earth, the crevices in rocks, the san dunes and where one can or even cannot place the foot.
what shall we find, the lizard basking or the little snowdrops peeping up.
remember what many times the snowdrops have to endure, they are not to know that snow and ice may consume them, but they raise the little nodding head no matter.
sunrises and sunsets are captured and so in awe are the cameramen and women, to stay and capture to make a snap of time, in all its ways, the sun rising for the earth only and setting so that men can rest their heads after toil or pain.
Many of my friends are known because they are in pain.
I also wonder how they manage to keep going against the odds, so what is it do you think?
Nature can be just what it is.
cruel and devastating.
trees can be stripped the thrunks cut down, broken and warped, set alight.
peopel can be broken and never mend again, in mind body and spirit.
there are to many such people.
the shock of devastation, the torture wrack of pain too.
So when a being, a man, in pain and struggling can grab that camera and take the sunrise or sunset at one part of the globe, indeed the other side of the world to me, and i know what that is about because standing on a blot in the ocean thousands of miles away, i rush to grab the camera to take the shot as Jamie left it to turn to sleep and i was awakening to my dawns and we have a cycle all again. in wonder.
so where do the human species get it so wrong?
This is something that as we get older my twin and i realise that division and separation can happen quickly, much more so than for the younger people on the earth.
not only does it happen in such a cruel way it is lasting without end.
pain will never go away for most.
but hope will never either.
So why we wake for a new dawn?
Do you think our good lord knew it as such and gave us possibly the best of nature as the sleepy eyes once stuck closed will struggle to grasp a new day but wll do so with the shock of wonder, wonderous delight.
Does Jamie stand in ridiculous shorts outside his house in America, in the heat of his time zone and i rush to the grass for all the workers of the world to see here, dressed in a madness of textures and colours, softness and sharpness.
"who is that mad woman!" maybe they say, for they have not seen this before, but if they have not maybe they will look up to see what i am gawking at and see!
dressed in purples and oranges, mitts and woolies but i get it!
as does Jamie, in possibly cotten, with no shoes on!
We are human.
but saying that, lonliness isnt far away, both in America, amongst some sick friends and also not sick friends.
Loneliness is on this blot of land so far away too.
and division is great, and ridiculously so.
when nature can dance to the rhythm and tunes they know best why cannot man do the same?
shed that isolation which is not part of what being human is.
Humans are the most social animals on the earth.
You would never know that.
Nor that they are the only ones that kill for no reason.
Why, again we shall never know.
but gentle and kind folk are everywhere but within the cradle of illness and disabilities and amongst those who want to communicate ven if its vast distances thanks to technology.
we need to catch the moment, that ribbon of red and orange and bottle it, pickle it, for in doing so we wil bottle the essance of a person, that persion so taken by god's beauty they will rush for a way to put it save, away, in their hearts, forever.
so sad the rushing for the goodness is not seen in the human species.
where is the rushing to see the gentle heart?
The tender soul? The broken or the shattered spirits, to build up again to be a part of all that is good?
So for Jamie, Denis, Linda and myself, whom i know snap the earth and skies, well done and glad to have and cherish you as friends, also Mary, but is she that for i have had a lunatic moment and see the person and not the name, but by the time i press that key to enter "enter" i probably will remember again.
so there is a person who knows themselves, to be a worker in the world of beauty and trauma.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Life is a shadow, Life is a persistent dream, life may be wonderful, but is it?
Today i am thinking especially of John McCarthy who died this week.
In a tribute John Saunders asks us to question stigma and mental illness, he did this because John McCarthy as well asked the same and so do I.
tell me, if the statistics are so high regarding mental distress how can it be other, that mental distress is part of the human condition?
Not all these people can be ill?
Also, you cannot medicate all these people, and you cannot and shouldn't stigmatize this amount of people!
so who gets the stigma?
Of, course, those who enter into the psychiatry realm and those who self injure, take overdoses and cry out, in mental torment and pain.
How many then are left on the sidelines, doing all of this in secret?
Also what are the manifestations of those who do not cry out?
If one does not blatantly cry out, what do they do?
Are these questions idiotic?
No, because pain manifests in many ways.
Some pain gets passed off as 'normal' and some gets critized as 'abnormal'
We also have real physical pain once considered mental distress now considered by the world health organization as genuine, documented, provable physical illness, for instance, Fibromyalgia was once considered 'faking' and 'neurotic!' and Parkinsons Disease a result of masturbation!
How wrong can we get it!
Tell me please who is deciding all this?
I have the best guess ever, that it is medical professionals.
They are the people who are at the top of the pyramid in health systems, who are there at the coal face of distress.
As the new God of the human being, as saviour of the human being, they command great respect.
such respect means that anything they say will be taken as the human gospel of human anatomical and neurological and psychological truth.
we take the above incidences where they got it wrong.
Now i ask, why bother to try categorize illness, feelings and such? Why not let people just 'be' for Life, my friends is no 'piece of cake.'
-then you die.
Right, you bet.
I am sad tonight...no...i am depressed.
I am so because a relationship is not working out well and both are causing distress to the other.
Can this depression and this distress be considered now a mental illness?
I have been very frightened for almost three years without one day's break.
i am on high alert now and unused to not feeling the anxiety and the fears of bringing hammers to bed with me for protection.
Is the result a kind of PTSD or is it just 'a fact of life' and circumstances?
I am advised to take an anti-depressant to try calm the brain down after the horror i have gone through.
why?
can i not try to calm down the brain now, i am away from threat...can i teach myself to start a new start and learn to calm down through meditation and mindfulness?
Yes, i can, and yes i will but certainly No, i will not take a pill for life events that cause distress.
the only instance where my brain and body should be very contained is when and if i am about to jump over a cliff, but even then a person's distress should have been discovered long before the leap into the unknown.
Once discovered a person should be 'loved back' into wellbeing and confidence to continue.
Life is now what we think we believe.
Science and religion do not give us many answers at all.
All we can do but be passing shadows in the daytimes and nights, and resolve to be a good person, caring and loving and be part of community.
If we do not do it well the first day, or week keep going but always keep going.
we never get it right!
We are all moving in curves and circles.
lets hope the curves and circles include everyone and that everyone learns that a pill is not magic, living and loving is not either but living and loving is so good why blast our brains out with dumbing down meds?
i have the answer, Sir! Life is learning, i need to be sharp to stay on the road and not get ditched.
all the best in life and love.
and all the best to the person in my loving relationship that i am not loving very well at present. BUT, tomorrow is another day to try ...again.
In a tribute John Saunders asks us to question stigma and mental illness, he did this because John McCarthy as well asked the same and so do I.
tell me, if the statistics are so high regarding mental distress how can it be other, that mental distress is part of the human condition?
Not all these people can be ill?
Also, you cannot medicate all these people, and you cannot and shouldn't stigmatize this amount of people!
so who gets the stigma?
Of, course, those who enter into the psychiatry realm and those who self injure, take overdoses and cry out, in mental torment and pain.
How many then are left on the sidelines, doing all of this in secret?
Also what are the manifestations of those who do not cry out?
If one does not blatantly cry out, what do they do?
Are these questions idiotic?
No, because pain manifests in many ways.
Some pain gets passed off as 'normal' and some gets critized as 'abnormal'
We also have real physical pain once considered mental distress now considered by the world health organization as genuine, documented, provable physical illness, for instance, Fibromyalgia was once considered 'faking' and 'neurotic!' and Parkinsons Disease a result of masturbation!
How wrong can we get it!
Tell me please who is deciding all this?
I have the best guess ever, that it is medical professionals.
They are the people who are at the top of the pyramid in health systems, who are there at the coal face of distress.
As the new God of the human being, as saviour of the human being, they command great respect.
such respect means that anything they say will be taken as the human gospel of human anatomical and neurological and psychological truth.
we take the above incidences where they got it wrong.
Now i ask, why bother to try categorize illness, feelings and such? Why not let people just 'be' for Life, my friends is no 'piece of cake.'
-then you die.
Right, you bet.
I am sad tonight...no...i am depressed.
I am so because a relationship is not working out well and both are causing distress to the other.
Can this depression and this distress be considered now a mental illness?
I have been very frightened for almost three years without one day's break.
i am on high alert now and unused to not feeling the anxiety and the fears of bringing hammers to bed with me for protection.
Is the result a kind of PTSD or is it just 'a fact of life' and circumstances?
I am advised to take an anti-depressant to try calm the brain down after the horror i have gone through.
why?
can i not try to calm down the brain now, i am away from threat...can i teach myself to start a new start and learn to calm down through meditation and mindfulness?
Yes, i can, and yes i will but certainly No, i will not take a pill for life events that cause distress.
the only instance where my brain and body should be very contained is when and if i am about to jump over a cliff, but even then a person's distress should have been discovered long before the leap into the unknown.
Once discovered a person should be 'loved back' into wellbeing and confidence to continue.
Life is now what we think we believe.
Science and religion do not give us many answers at all.
All we can do but be passing shadows in the daytimes and nights, and resolve to be a good person, caring and loving and be part of community.
If we do not do it well the first day, or week keep going but always keep going.
we never get it right!
We are all moving in curves and circles.
lets hope the curves and circles include everyone and that everyone learns that a pill is not magic, living and loving is not either but living and loving is so good why blast our brains out with dumbing down meds?
i have the answer, Sir! Life is learning, i need to be sharp to stay on the road and not get ditched.
all the best in life and love.
and all the best to the person in my loving relationship that i am not loving very well at present. BUT, tomorrow is another day to try ...again.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Mary Raftery and John McCarty, giants in a small nation. RIP
Today will be remembered for wonderful reasons but also too for shock and sadness.
How do you write a blog on such a day?
to divide into segments the great and the small, the real and the insignificant, the very large and the very humbled?
firstly after a long long protracted period i have secured my 'forever home.'
i do hope that this place shall be in a small way, large and significant and a Hubble of great proportions to which my friends and family are all very welcomed.
the day was good to me...signing for the property, having the banter with two young men as we stalked my new home trying to work out how to make good small and tiny places within the home and without.
all ideas were tossed to the wind.
we trampled the grass and observed.
the next door's extension was of a 'grand affair' nature.
the massive lumpy shed of mine as suggested to the men, would actually serve as a wonderful office pod, taking off the frontage and putting glass panel doors.
they liked that, and from a woman it was mighty!
ha, joke. sorry, no good, standing on the grass with my stick faced with two zany men who possibly, only possibly would have all the answers.
nah.
inside we had the same debate of shifting boundaries, and in the most cost effect way.
questions ensued about getting over the fact that all windows were effectively illegal from today's building regulations. Now that will cost some to replace but i suggested a convenient lump hammer in case of fire.
its the cheaper option i felt.
sniggers and giggles all round!
one of the guys felt the back did get the sun close up to the windows, for the grass grew and not moss.
would you have thought of that?
nah.
and so the day progressed.
meeting my new Personal Assistant with a chihuahua maltese cross, all the way from belgium, and not rabid as was jabbed.
a little moony ball of fluff which my two chihuahuas took well to. A great start.
then it was to the District Nurse to sort out Health issues and 'mess.'
a few tears shed here, but no matter.
then we have the divide in the mundane.
sadly.
shocking news yesterday of the death of Mary Raftery at the young age of 54.
my twin and i walked the beach, my twin, pale and pensive, tears dripping from the edges.
Mary Raftery was no small individual.
no small character could have changed a nation so much as this woman.
remember, here we have a Woman..making such a major difference to how we perceive abuse and also priests and clergy abusers.
No more the scuff of the Mamas of generations gone past.
no more the scuff of the Bishops and Archbishops gone past.
a small, larger than life woman with the tenacity of a politician and shaker, a mover in our society, changing society. changing it forever. No more will our small nation be dominated by a single church who practically gave this nation its constitutional values and creeds in entirety.
We now have shaken off the shackles of superior belief systems, to one of openness and reality.
Yes, christians sin and christians can cause harm.
Mary, may you rest in peace, gone too soon.
We all grieve at this great loss.
Toward the evening time, i learnt of another death.
This was almost unbearable as this person also moved the nation.
Facing the stigma always present in Ireland, of the pain of mental illness and distress a man marched forth and called 'enough is enough.'
We DO become psychologically and mentally challenged.
This is no different to any other bodily distress and trauma.
Our brain is on the top of our bodies, and it can kilter as much as the legs, middle and neck.
The neck does not end our body at one end.
The head does.
John started 'Mad Pride', to be proud of your person, your body and your mind.
whatever way it manifested itself.
we are after all, All precious. Very much so.
This being another person standing up to what i want to see, unshackled reality and truth.
Our mind can waver but we are all so human and all should hold to the dignity and miracle of Life, In all its twists and turns.
I admire the people who have spoken thus.
What can i say to end a blog on such a day as this?
I can say, I have been abused by a roman catholic clergyman and i have had the experiences of being vulnerable psychologically and mentally.
but I am ok. I am really ok, for just like all, i am human.
By the way on the final note, my legs are off kilter and sway and wobble and have to be shorn up. That apparently is Ok, being of so-called 'unsound mind' is not, let us hope that through such people as Mary Raftery and John McCarthy and their values we will see a country and a nation with wonderful ethos and practices. We should already, be very proud to have had such people in our midst.
Thank you to both.
Mary and John, may you rest in peace. Gone, but never forgotten.
How do you write a blog on such a day?
to divide into segments the great and the small, the real and the insignificant, the very large and the very humbled?
firstly after a long long protracted period i have secured my 'forever home.'
i do hope that this place shall be in a small way, large and significant and a Hubble of great proportions to which my friends and family are all very welcomed.
the day was good to me...signing for the property, having the banter with two young men as we stalked my new home trying to work out how to make good small and tiny places within the home and without.
all ideas were tossed to the wind.
we trampled the grass and observed.
the next door's extension was of a 'grand affair' nature.
the massive lumpy shed of mine as suggested to the men, would actually serve as a wonderful office pod, taking off the frontage and putting glass panel doors.
they liked that, and from a woman it was mighty!
ha, joke. sorry, no good, standing on the grass with my stick faced with two zany men who possibly, only possibly would have all the answers.
nah.
inside we had the same debate of shifting boundaries, and in the most cost effect way.
questions ensued about getting over the fact that all windows were effectively illegal from today's building regulations. Now that will cost some to replace but i suggested a convenient lump hammer in case of fire.
its the cheaper option i felt.
sniggers and giggles all round!
one of the guys felt the back did get the sun close up to the windows, for the grass grew and not moss.
would you have thought of that?
nah.
and so the day progressed.
meeting my new Personal Assistant with a chihuahua maltese cross, all the way from belgium, and not rabid as was jabbed.
a little moony ball of fluff which my two chihuahuas took well to. A great start.
then it was to the District Nurse to sort out Health issues and 'mess.'
a few tears shed here, but no matter.
then we have the divide in the mundane.
sadly.
shocking news yesterday of the death of Mary Raftery at the young age of 54.
my twin and i walked the beach, my twin, pale and pensive, tears dripping from the edges.
Mary Raftery was no small individual.
no small character could have changed a nation so much as this woman.
remember, here we have a Woman..making such a major difference to how we perceive abuse and also priests and clergy abusers.
No more the scuff of the Mamas of generations gone past.
no more the scuff of the Bishops and Archbishops gone past.
a small, larger than life woman with the tenacity of a politician and shaker, a mover in our society, changing society. changing it forever. No more will our small nation be dominated by a single church who practically gave this nation its constitutional values and creeds in entirety.
We now have shaken off the shackles of superior belief systems, to one of openness and reality.
Yes, christians sin and christians can cause harm.
Mary, may you rest in peace, gone too soon.
We all grieve at this great loss.
Toward the evening time, i learnt of another death.
This was almost unbearable as this person also moved the nation.
Facing the stigma always present in Ireland, of the pain of mental illness and distress a man marched forth and called 'enough is enough.'
We DO become psychologically and mentally challenged.
This is no different to any other bodily distress and trauma.
Our brain is on the top of our bodies, and it can kilter as much as the legs, middle and neck.
The neck does not end our body at one end.
The head does.
John started 'Mad Pride', to be proud of your person, your body and your mind.
whatever way it manifested itself.
we are after all, All precious. Very much so.
This being another person standing up to what i want to see, unshackled reality and truth.
Our mind can waver but we are all so human and all should hold to the dignity and miracle of Life, In all its twists and turns.
I admire the people who have spoken thus.
What can i say to end a blog on such a day as this?
I can say, I have been abused by a roman catholic clergyman and i have had the experiences of being vulnerable psychologically and mentally.
but I am ok. I am really ok, for just like all, i am human.
By the way on the final note, my legs are off kilter and sway and wobble and have to be shorn up. That apparently is Ok, being of so-called 'unsound mind' is not, let us hope that through such people as Mary Raftery and John McCarthy and their values we will see a country and a nation with wonderful ethos and practices. We should already, be very proud to have had such people in our midst.
Thank you to both.
Mary and John, may you rest in peace. Gone, but never forgotten.
Monday, January 9, 2012
One day angst free but not so terror free, question my gov please
Daily, on a daily basis i have to read, be assaulted and anxiety driven by media on the so called 'state of the nation' and what i may lose in taxes, disability cuts and a myriad of other stuff, yes 'stuff' again.
where have i seen such avid attention to detail before?
no where, and certainly no tiny pin pick pocketing of more wealthier foe than those with nuts and bolts under their arse, who use electric legs to get around and sticks that clack and elderly who are abused, depressed and frail have i seen in our Ireland before.
this is not the picking nit of an Irishman, i see it not in our past and it came too quick to have been cobbled up by an irish man or woman.
we don't do 'fast' never did fast, but many countries do and do it well, germany, france and the UK to name a few.
when we change the health service admin three times in as many decades (or thereabouts) without changing the professionalism and attitude to patient care, stigma on the mental health status of patients and so much more..stuff. can you trust my gov to think?
nope, cos they have not thought through the mess our health service is in.
we have no structure no sense nor reason to it.
we just shut down a few wards, stop employing the top medics and discharge all and sundry to what i call 'the dying cages,' nursing homes, to you.
we do still do payrolls for this shoddy admin by paper, paper coming out of their ears, and in duplicate and triplicate.
Ireland we cannot afford to pay someone to do it all by hand now, if nothing else, think of our threes if not the trunks and inners of your sick clientele languishing on a trolley in some war zone A&E in our land, Ireland.
We seem to have in spades a volunteerism attitude though and we are the best givers of dosh to underdeveloped countries, and good on us, i have to say.
its so good to be good at something eh?
lets try it in this country.
its a full moon too, so thast may hinder many of the top brass, i have already stood out and howled, my twin is withnessed to that, she was beside me...and howling too!
if i see our Enda come out of where ever and scream his head off i would be thrilled, but ya, its called 'action not words' so i will call on ALL to protest with their feet and wheels firmly knowledged in the fact that enda just about is puppit rule in my shame riddleland
where have i seen such avid attention to detail before?
no where, and certainly no tiny pin pick pocketing of more wealthier foe than those with nuts and bolts under their arse, who use electric legs to get around and sticks that clack and elderly who are abused, depressed and frail have i seen in our Ireland before.
this is not the picking nit of an Irishman, i see it not in our past and it came too quick to have been cobbled up by an irish man or woman.
we don't do 'fast' never did fast, but many countries do and do it well, germany, france and the UK to name a few.
when we change the health service admin three times in as many decades (or thereabouts) without changing the professionalism and attitude to patient care, stigma on the mental health status of patients and so much more..stuff. can you trust my gov to think?
nope, cos they have not thought through the mess our health service is in.
we have no structure no sense nor reason to it.
we just shut down a few wards, stop employing the top medics and discharge all and sundry to what i call 'the dying cages,' nursing homes, to you.
we do still do payrolls for this shoddy admin by paper, paper coming out of their ears, and in duplicate and triplicate.
Ireland we cannot afford to pay someone to do it all by hand now, if nothing else, think of our threes if not the trunks and inners of your sick clientele languishing on a trolley in some war zone A&E in our land, Ireland.
We seem to have in spades a volunteerism attitude though and we are the best givers of dosh to underdeveloped countries, and good on us, i have to say.
its so good to be good at something eh?
lets try it in this country.
its a full moon too, so thast may hinder many of the top brass, i have already stood out and howled, my twin is withnessed to that, she was beside me...and howling too!
if i see our Enda come out of where ever and scream his head off i would be thrilled, but ya, its called 'action not words' so i will call on ALL to protest with their feet and wheels firmly knowledged in the fact that enda just about is puppit rule in my shame riddleland
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Getting Life wrong, getting it wrong in life
What is the magic ingredient to dealing well with everything in this life?
I find that i don't have the flour nor the milk for the dough to rise for me, hence nourishment is as 'flat as a pancake.'
I enjoy most things to full abandon.
I am in awe of nature, skies (which i have been watching with unusual intimacy, am i hoping for the angels to desend and take me up, or help me out)?
I am in awe of the feathered friends i now see on my twins bird feeding station.
In awe of the tiny fingers and toes and button- noses of my great neps and nieces.
So in awe of Life itself, for i am afraid of the afters.
so what is wrong?
Just about everything.
Humans.
it is so true that without the social contact, the everyday contact and the ability to contact you are left feeling bereft and lonely.
Wondering.
What do you do next?
What do you do to repair what you have done so badly wrong and how do you learn from that, even if you can say what the hell you did wrong in the first place!
And, what is this about seeking the word of Love?
is it there at all?
i doubt it.
So in the absence of Love, can i please have Friendship?
I wonder and ponder and coming up to what is called the Fruitful Third Age (of wisdom, no less), i ain't got that, not in abundance, flat as a pancake non-abundance.
Like nothing rises within my soul or within my sphere of waking up, eating, going to the toilet, dressing in between all this, (sometime) and then taking the teeth out, scrubbing whats left, taking a warm bath, then the pills and the sleepers and spending a god-damn awful eight hours in solitary darkness.
Dawn brings the new hope that stuff, yes STUFF, will be better, i may do better and i get up.
if i didn't have this hope, which is more like grinding determination against the odds, i would stay flat.
Then I would ask for nothing.
No beautiful skies, no birds and no grass.
you get up wojus, absolutely.
you ache, your bones do not feel your own, your muscles less so and your mind - not at all.
The first thing you do is curse at Lufe and then you, yes, take Lufe out on the nearest and dearest as if, Life/Lufe was the competition on a grand scale.
What is worse though, you don't even know it until you are so at loggerheads that it is reduced to "i did the washing up yesterday, its your turn today," Stuff!
That's really sad.
Not just sad but downright pathetic.
Things get flung, things get said and after that, the bones are wojus, the muscles more so and you want to go back to bed to recover mind and body and lie flat.
Possibly for the rest of the day, God willing.
The end of the day usually pans out good but why just as you are about to spend eight hours in bodily hell you decide that heaven is in Friendship, just as you face hell?
Tonight too i am fasting (for my sins) to have a 'blood letting' at 9.30am after that i can drink some water and come home like, anti-christ, tired, exhausted and in pain. All over pain.
Will the dragon deep inside roar and if so, will it understand why?
Nope, possibly yes, it will roar, will it understand? Possibly no, always no.
What are the lessons in Love, friendship and social graces?
this one here doesn't know em.
She is trying, very hard, but something is going wrong.
is it that i have not built a team spirit and team workmanship as my next and i plough through the furrows of sticky gooey mud, called Life or Lufe.
No, neither myself nor twin will win next year's ploughing championship.
the horse bolts long before its in the trap of harness.
the whips are out, full force.
"Would you get up offa your arse and wash the fecking dishes...and by the way...you have not put petrol in the engine all week, you owe my van some...like Today, like...now!"
A tin kitty has been set up with a pasted label.
Food - per week - E50 each.
Petrol - per week - E20 each.
All is stuck on the kitchen table.
I now lump to the bath to ease out aching bones and muscles and face the obsurdity of sleeping in the dark for no good reason, I can see, anyway.
I find that i don't have the flour nor the milk for the dough to rise for me, hence nourishment is as 'flat as a pancake.'
I enjoy most things to full abandon.
I am in awe of nature, skies (which i have been watching with unusual intimacy, am i hoping for the angels to desend and take me up, or help me out)?
I am in awe of the feathered friends i now see on my twins bird feeding station.
In awe of the tiny fingers and toes and button- noses of my great neps and nieces.
So in awe of Life itself, for i am afraid of the afters.
so what is wrong?
Just about everything.
Humans.
it is so true that without the social contact, the everyday contact and the ability to contact you are left feeling bereft and lonely.
Wondering.
What do you do next?
What do you do to repair what you have done so badly wrong and how do you learn from that, even if you can say what the hell you did wrong in the first place!
And, what is this about seeking the word of Love?
is it there at all?
i doubt it.
So in the absence of Love, can i please have Friendship?
I wonder and ponder and coming up to what is called the Fruitful Third Age (of wisdom, no less), i ain't got that, not in abundance, flat as a pancake non-abundance.
Like nothing rises within my soul or within my sphere of waking up, eating, going to the toilet, dressing in between all this, (sometime) and then taking the teeth out, scrubbing whats left, taking a warm bath, then the pills and the sleepers and spending a god-damn awful eight hours in solitary darkness.
Dawn brings the new hope that stuff, yes STUFF, will be better, i may do better and i get up.
if i didn't have this hope, which is more like grinding determination against the odds, i would stay flat.
Then I would ask for nothing.
No beautiful skies, no birds and no grass.
you get up wojus, absolutely.
you ache, your bones do not feel your own, your muscles less so and your mind - not at all.
The first thing you do is curse at Lufe and then you, yes, take Lufe out on the nearest and dearest as if, Life/Lufe was the competition on a grand scale.
What is worse though, you don't even know it until you are so at loggerheads that it is reduced to "i did the washing up yesterday, its your turn today," Stuff!
That's really sad.
Not just sad but downright pathetic.
Things get flung, things get said and after that, the bones are wojus, the muscles more so and you want to go back to bed to recover mind and body and lie flat.
Possibly for the rest of the day, God willing.
The end of the day usually pans out good but why just as you are about to spend eight hours in bodily hell you decide that heaven is in Friendship, just as you face hell?
Tonight too i am fasting (for my sins) to have a 'blood letting' at 9.30am after that i can drink some water and come home like, anti-christ, tired, exhausted and in pain. All over pain.
Will the dragon deep inside roar and if so, will it understand why?
Nope, possibly yes, it will roar, will it understand? Possibly no, always no.
What are the lessons in Love, friendship and social graces?
this one here doesn't know em.
She is trying, very hard, but something is going wrong.
is it that i have not built a team spirit and team workmanship as my next and i plough through the furrows of sticky gooey mud, called Life or Lufe.
No, neither myself nor twin will win next year's ploughing championship.
the horse bolts long before its in the trap of harness.
the whips are out, full force.
"Would you get up offa your arse and wash the fecking dishes...and by the way...you have not put petrol in the engine all week, you owe my van some...like Today, like...now!"
A tin kitty has been set up with a pasted label.
Food - per week - E50 each.
Petrol - per week - E20 each.
All is stuck on the kitchen table.
I now lump to the bath to ease out aching bones and muscles and face the obsurdity of sleeping in the dark for no good reason, I can see, anyway.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Is nothing sacred in Life and Education?
Is nothing sacred in life? i mean, when one applies to a sort of mediocre course centre that is supported by a government training scheme grant should you also have to give that body the right to get your medical records?
does this happen in an Irish University setting? is it part of the Leaving Certificate points system? it isn't.
you come out of school with your grades, you are lucky if you get to University.
now the catch is..this semi state body running these courses that run you to nowhere near a job..but... you are disabled ..and that is the catch! You are entering the 'college' for people with disabilities.
you are disabled.
So in this instance, you have to give permission to have this trumped up educational body (already critizied for doing a very poor job) to delve into your health status..wait for it..that includes if you have any unusual sexual habits...i kid you not! in other words, are you a sex pervert?
Well tell me please if you were, why should you admit that just because you are disabled?
No one has to allow a doctor to tell an educational body this, even in a third level institution there are sex perverts who are not discovered so until they commit a sexual crime!
Why should a disabled person sort of tell the authority of a so called orientation before they are rounded upon to answer for a sex crime!
which comes first?
a person committing a crime or a person admitting they have the inclination to commit a crime?
An able bodied person can and usually does have a democratic freedom of being free, until they commit a crime!
If you admitted to an inclination to commit a sex crime do you think you would be let into an educational setting...no!
barred...before any crime committed.
Now we move on to some other questions...
self injury being one and also you have to give permission for the educationalists to find the names of your psychotherapist, psychiatrist and social worker!
why?
why should they know if you are in a certain level of psychological distress?
you can go to a third level institution and withhold this information for this is a stigmatized area and you may be studying for instance..medicine!
but if you go to study desktop publishing you have to tell the educational body that you creep along to a psychologist or therapist and that a social worker is there in the background.
why?
why should a desk top publishing student have to tell anyone they have a social worker!?
well, the reason is, you are a disabled student doing desk top publishing course!
this is bizarre.
Now lets talk sense.
People are in this society with the tag on that everyone is equal in love and war.
we have the constitutional right to democracy and education and privacy.
What this trumped up death trap is asking for is intimate details of your personal life which will prevent you rather than enhance your chances of going through the course effectively and getting a job at the end (actually, i am biased, i don't think many get jobs out of this place, i have heard of few, very few)!
When the head of Design and Art tells you years after you left the darn place that my artistic skills were far greater than any on the course of choice and i could have been a teacher rather than a student at the time AND this same person makes you to do six months basic maths before embarking on the course (art and design)...you can tell its all heading in the wrong direction...i lasted three weeks on the course, and six months learning basic maths (er, i have dyscalculia)!
i never learnt basic maths and i could have taught art and design in the place not take the course.
something i discovered after three weeks in the Art and Design classroom!
Something else i discovered during my six months basic maths, i was a bloody good shot putter, a bloody fine sprinter (the psychiatric students were able for this, but i was fast), an even better badminton player (all courts signed up for long before the time, they were so popular). finally i was a good archer.
now i tell you, some twenty years later, the badminton courts are gone, ditto the sports of any kind whatsoever, its Pilates now and Yoga!
you don't kiss the grass in this place for sure.
Twenty years later you also have to surrender your democratic rights to privacy.
No, this is not going in the right direction and i defy anyone to tell me it is.
Would the government of the day shut this institution down please, its a waste of time and money and disabled people are being lead to believe they may get a job out of this place.
it is fooling disabled people, cheating disabled people and paying people to do the cheating and the fooling.
This is a fact that is KNOWN by all and sundry.
A fact that can be verifiably confirmed
but as its the only training centre for disabled adults in our country they couldn't shut it down.
not even if it doesn't train anyone in anything.
These students should all be going to the third level institutions with support for their respective disabilities, and the rights owed to them to say if they are a self injurer or not, to say they are going to a psychotherapist or not, (i doubt anyone would admit to that, especially young people and they have no reason to).
i dont like this place or what they ask disabled people to tell them.
its all an education for me to learn of a Form that you are asked to get filled out, give permission to surrendering details of personal data in this manner and of this kind before you enter a classroom.
this i say has a lot more to do with litigation.
this is not only a bad way to go its a dangerous path to take. i dont like this sort of 'stuff.'
off with their heads i say.
does this happen in an Irish University setting? is it part of the Leaving Certificate points system? it isn't.
you come out of school with your grades, you are lucky if you get to University.
now the catch is..this semi state body running these courses that run you to nowhere near a job..but... you are disabled ..and that is the catch! You are entering the 'college' for people with disabilities.
you are disabled.
So in this instance, you have to give permission to have this trumped up educational body (already critizied for doing a very poor job) to delve into your health status..wait for it..that includes if you have any unusual sexual habits...i kid you not! in other words, are you a sex pervert?
Well tell me please if you were, why should you admit that just because you are disabled?
No one has to allow a doctor to tell an educational body this, even in a third level institution there are sex perverts who are not discovered so until they commit a sexual crime!
Why should a disabled person sort of tell the authority of a so called orientation before they are rounded upon to answer for a sex crime!
which comes first?
a person committing a crime or a person admitting they have the inclination to commit a crime?
An able bodied person can and usually does have a democratic freedom of being free, until they commit a crime!
If you admitted to an inclination to commit a sex crime do you think you would be let into an educational setting...no!
barred...before any crime committed.
Now we move on to some other questions...
self injury being one and also you have to give permission for the educationalists to find the names of your psychotherapist, psychiatrist and social worker!
why?
why should they know if you are in a certain level of psychological distress?
you can go to a third level institution and withhold this information for this is a stigmatized area and you may be studying for instance..medicine!
but if you go to study desktop publishing you have to tell the educational body that you creep along to a psychologist or therapist and that a social worker is there in the background.
why?
why should a desk top publishing student have to tell anyone they have a social worker!?
well, the reason is, you are a disabled student doing desk top publishing course!
this is bizarre.
Now lets talk sense.
People are in this society with the tag on that everyone is equal in love and war.
we have the constitutional right to democracy and education and privacy.
What this trumped up death trap is asking for is intimate details of your personal life which will prevent you rather than enhance your chances of going through the course effectively and getting a job at the end (actually, i am biased, i don't think many get jobs out of this place, i have heard of few, very few)!
When the head of Design and Art tells you years after you left the darn place that my artistic skills were far greater than any on the course of choice and i could have been a teacher rather than a student at the time AND this same person makes you to do six months basic maths before embarking on the course (art and design)...you can tell its all heading in the wrong direction...i lasted three weeks on the course, and six months learning basic maths (er, i have dyscalculia)!
i never learnt basic maths and i could have taught art and design in the place not take the course.
something i discovered after three weeks in the Art and Design classroom!
Something else i discovered during my six months basic maths, i was a bloody good shot putter, a bloody fine sprinter (the psychiatric students were able for this, but i was fast), an even better badminton player (all courts signed up for long before the time, they were so popular). finally i was a good archer.
now i tell you, some twenty years later, the badminton courts are gone, ditto the sports of any kind whatsoever, its Pilates now and Yoga!
you don't kiss the grass in this place for sure.
Twenty years later you also have to surrender your democratic rights to privacy.
No, this is not going in the right direction and i defy anyone to tell me it is.
Would the government of the day shut this institution down please, its a waste of time and money and disabled people are being lead to believe they may get a job out of this place.
it is fooling disabled people, cheating disabled people and paying people to do the cheating and the fooling.
This is a fact that is KNOWN by all and sundry.
A fact that can be verifiably confirmed
but as its the only training centre for disabled adults in our country they couldn't shut it down.
not even if it doesn't train anyone in anything.
These students should all be going to the third level institutions with support for their respective disabilities, and the rights owed to them to say if they are a self injurer or not, to say they are going to a psychotherapist or not, (i doubt anyone would admit to that, especially young people and they have no reason to).
i dont like this place or what they ask disabled people to tell them.
its all an education for me to learn of a Form that you are asked to get filled out, give permission to surrendering details of personal data in this manner and of this kind before you enter a classroom.
this i say has a lot more to do with litigation.
this is not only a bad way to go its a dangerous path to take. i dont like this sort of 'stuff.'
off with their heads i say.
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