torture in ireland is totally unnecessary

today i was trying to settle for the weekend.

it is very hard in Ireland right now.
If you are disabled here, it torturous.
it is not only difficult to DEAL and ACCEPT disability, acquired disability along with birth defects but to deal with bourocracy here is on the level of torture.

there is no other way to put it and we have to face this.
We are not comfortable here with disability of any kind and we are being used as a butt to the economic difficulties and troubles.

I HAVE CONTRIBUTED IN NO WAY WHATSOVER TO THE FINANCIAL DOWNFALL OF MY SMALL COUNTRY ON THE EDGE - OF NOWHERE.

when i could, i worked.
when i was sick and now disabled i could not and cannot.
this is why we ensure to the best of our abilities to keep paying taxes and contributing as best we can.
this is a moral thing, to be able to say that you are not a drain on society but then again, very few are as all have gifts and talents to give to our fellow human being.
I have contributed, in more terms than financial.
I WAS BORN DISABLED, YET, i consistently worked with disabled people and brought empowerment and enjoyment in sometimes a limited life and style of living.
i brought laughter and joy and acceptance.
where ever i roamed within the day centres where i taught and in the homes i visited, the homes for the elderly, i was indeed enjoyed and people looked forward to my classes and my banter and skill.

yet now when the tables are turned and i NEED THE HELP THAT I SHOULD BE GETTING WITH ACCEPTANCE and WITH GOOD WILL, I FACE 'IRISH TORTURE'

there has been bullying on the part of the health services, there has been tears and accusations and slander too.
there has been a total unacceptence of who i am and an unwillingness to embrace my 'difference' as i present as a disabled woman with an autism spectrum disorder.

But to society i have contributed and was loved.
I gave love.
I cherished the times i spent with the depressed elderly trying to give reassurance and calm.
I cherished the times i found one single elderly man or woman so low that it was hard to wreck a smile from the wrinkled faces.  when i could bring them their confidence and committement back to life and the smile of agreement to this face i too joined and cherished the woman or man who turned even if briefly and felt part of the world and society.

remember, the smile of the elderly is what is received when they themselves believe in who they are.
too many now in the nursing homes of Ireland know they are there to die and to prolong a 'living' which they do accept.
ALL WANT TO BE WITH THEIR FAMILIES, NOT SHUNTED AWAY IN SOME DYING AND KILLING FIELDS OF NURSING HOMES.

i am edging and creeping to old age and the people who do not allow me to do this with grace and acceptance are the HSE AND LOCAL HEALTH SERVICES - in total.

to DENY me a good end is to allow torture to prevail in the lack of care and a disgust of who i am and what i stand for.

to FIGHT WITH ME OVER MY RIGHTS TO CHOSE, MY RIGHT TO GOOD HEALTH CARE AND THE WAY I WISH TO END MY DAYS, IS TANDAMOUNT TO TORTURE.

you have to feel accepted, you must be treasured as an individual who has contributed to society and who does deserve to end a dreadful existance in a country which never had much in the way of modernity.
In my lifetime.

what i faced for decades, discrimination, stigma and shunting away in some back hole of nowhere for the convenience of care services, middle class strata of society and also psychiatry was torture.
I received torture through psychiatry and then given an apology.
i received torture when i was badly rehoused between alcoholics and gun slinging children.
I have been deprived of the county of my birth as i fled to safety.
we are yes, talking about IRELAND, this country that is such a shining example of a nations willingness to 'face it on the chin, our debt crisis'

Many do not understand what it actually does on the ground to disabled people and the sick and ill.
we are in a dangerous health system now so depleted that the health service is, it is not providing quality care for all.

I am sickened by what Ireland does to us.
those of us who are cast aside so rudely, so nastily and so unkindly.
we are a nation who choses badly.
we chose to denigrate all those who have tried hard, and who through no fault of their own, end on the wrong side of health law.

I AM NOT TO BLAME FOR THE ILLS OF THE HEALTH SERVICE - DO NOT TAKE IT OUT ON ME, A DISABLED WOMAN WHO WANTS TO DIE IN PEACE.
I AM SITTING DOWN WITH A NEW FRIGHT, BROUGHT ON BY THE HSE AND A SCARE.
THIS IS TORTURE, NOTHING BUT TORTURE.

LET ME LIVE OUT IN PEACE, LOVE ACCEPTANCE AND CARE.
IT ISNT RIGHT TO DO WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO ME.