web of deceit, silence, confusion and collusion within the HSE and the Minister for Health department

I have to admit that it was the most shocking video done undercover here in ireland into what is going on in private creches in this country.

we have at the end of the day a situation that was well known.
where basic regulations were broken in 75% of creche facilities across ireland.
these include abuse, violence, reckless endangerment and emotional torture akin to quatanamo.
we are living in a country which knows about babies and toddlers are treated as poorly as no more than baby animals.

and its all KNOWN to the HSE and to the Government of the day.
the minister for children declined to come to the studio to face both us the audience and the panel.
this is cowardice.
we have recently had Reilly up for a 'vote of no confidence, and today Shatter, so we cannot afford for this government to be seen to do badly in yet another state department within the political party that holds sway in our present government.
this can only be the reason why she did not come onto the show.
I was an invited guest but my twin on this topic was the expert.
as i would have said too this ISNT about care of children and vulnerable, its about PROTECTION of very tiny babies and toddlers who will be the next generation.

but i have also to remind people here of what happens within the HSE and the Department of Health when there are 'issues of care'
we see within the HSE the reasoning of the greater good of the department over the greater good of those for whom the department has been created.
this abuse is widespread in ireland.
I personally have great experience of HSE abuse and bullying.
Only today another phone call from the company asked by the HSE to come collect my powered chair.
i have repeatedly told the hse i was not relinquishing this chair for love nor money.  i have a neurodegenerative disorder and the consultants know i need it.
we have HSE managers in this instance never knowing me, meeting me or bothering about me making these decisions and continueing to harrass and bully me with all these shocking repeated phone calls, one day i had five alone!
we know that vulnerable people are least able to defend themselves, least able to effect change in their lives and least able to speak out and be heard when it comes to injustice they have been metted out.
i also saw it within the nursing homes for the elderly.
inspections are known to occur.
but so do the nursing homes know when they are occuring.
the ladies and men are requested to wear their very best.
the time table for activities is loud and clear on the wall for the inspector to see and some artwork slapped up on the wall.
but reverting back to inertia, no activities at all and Mass being the only break for the elderly in our irish nursing homes.
i have seen swollen feet from a woman who was too afraid to mention her feet were hurting after i asked why her shoes were not done up.
i have seen abject misery in private nursing homes, public and religious run nursing homes, i have seen neglect and abuse and awful abuse of power and deceit.
but i also believe as i believed today.  the government and the department of health knows what happens and so does the hse.
nothing is done.
ditto in the mental health services.
we as a nation are diseased.
we suffer inertia and complacency.
we havent the wit or gall or stomach for a fight of the kind that will make lives better for the least able.
we are fast becoming a selfish self centre and egocentric money needers and that is all.
nothing else counts.
what i saw on the videos should send alarm bells across this country.
for ever sector of care there is violence and lack of accountability, no one will be made take the blame at the levels where the blame should be laid.
in a personal fight to the bitter end which it will be my battles with the loathed hse are far from over.
but many now see that the hse has a policy of silence. a policy of neglect, and a policy of deceit, all on a grand scale not just on a small scale.  they will protect their institution to the death even if it means the innocent gets wronged or hurt, they least care.
as with everything when we do something we do it on a large scale.
when you consider the army wasnt even able to protect a retrieved illegally held tanker of diesel confiscated from criminals and given to safe haven to the army. then we know full well we are on an explosive collision course with death of a small country, simply because most are asleep, clicking mobile phones constantly or watching the telly or doing all of these eating a bag of crisps.
that is our government.  and when the bag of crisps is finished how many slammed it to a bang?

a tougher living 'society' than need ever be

this is a heartfelt opinion.

we are indeed creating a far tougher society than need be and i think i know why.

We are greedy.

it doesnt amount to much more than that.
A society has sprung up now that Money is the god of all.
nothing else matters - not even humans or animals, the planet we have nor the way we threat any of this.

What society has requested is, people work as hard as they can to make money.
For themselves - for so called 'better quality of life'
and to help the government run our various countries and departments.

but the first cause is to make as much money as one can.
so when doing this the powerful have written into the payroll vast amount of fees and costs and payments for work done and in most cases never done.
the rest of the people try to make up on this, try to reach this cache of the funds.
thus walking all over everyone in the process and getting this money by devious ways and dishonest ways.
it doesnt matter about the sick, the disabled nor the elderly anymore.
nor does it matter about your relatives either.
once most children become students the idea of family has gone.
the idea one should even care has also gone.
Once the college is done and dusted taste of the extremes of living has taken place and then the slog of obtaining the elusive money begins.

all else is out the window.
we now have children, teenagers and young adults whose only concern are themselves entirely.  no one else and nothing else.

we also have the rising rich and the rich getting richer, also by stomping all over everyone, this includes the young and the old, everyone gets killed off as viable humans by those enabled through power to do so and enabled by job discription to determine the fate of others and also to determine what they get to determine the fate of others.
mostly the politicians and the trade unions are doing this.
a basic days wage for an honest days work has gone.
if you can make your disabled client paint the masonry walls of her new home while skiving inside painting the skirting boards and playing loud music and munching through out the day so be it.
the disabled person has drawn these people in to work and half way through have ditched all the agreements one by one, leaving a single woman aged 60yrs doing wallpapering, painting and decorating and also the masonry walls themselves.
also the workmen so sloppy and irreverant and uncaring, who cannot lose the days pay for no one sees what they are doing, lose items within this house that are very costly by tossing them everywhere in the beginning.
namely housing security sensors.

this is the reckless new youth.
the men who think that if they do nothing and know they can get away with it they will and at the end of the day bag the same amount of money as they would if they had actually done more work. there is no incentive there.

their bosses meanwhile are running up and down the country obtaining new contracts possibly verbal and gathering fools along the way to pay them for old rope and not actually doing any project management but leaving the young to undertake the work on their own without supervision or guidance.

slowly we see the dynamic of panic.

money is evil but people still can reverse the trend that people, animals and the planet mean something to them. that they are as important if not more so.
as one grows older alone one realises how precious it is to meet another, chat to another and engage with another.
people are very precious.

and when we get old and sick then people are even more so needed.
but the plans are being laid down today for the pathwaying of us who are so expensive.
the putting away of us who are causing difficulties for precious youth and families.
we are nobodies.
we also can be twisted and coerced and manipulated if not very careful.
we are losing our confidence slowly by bullying.
we are losing our will to live through the drastic cuts to the state spending on us for our basic needs.
we have no focus, no meaning, no joy and no people
we are the people who are causing all the problems for the world!
we caused the financial crashes around the globe, in the UK, Ireland and America the screaming is the elderly and old are costing too much.
in a few decades the agenda will be that each person will be allowed live to the age of say 50 and after that we will all be put into an igloo the air hole closed over and sit there until we die of starvation.
the younger then move on to survive but we are not allowed to.
it is happening now and i feel it very much.
if you knew how quickly this can creep up on you, maybe there would be a drive to make sure that the quality of life remains for as long as a person cant think and can have a role in life.
but quality of life to belongs to the elderly who have no role other than the need and love of live who want life and want to embrace it.
who want to engage with the youth and teach skills where ever possible.
all want living.
the dead do none of this and thats our end.
why make it hell for us now.
i am 60yrs old.
when i got sick first i vowed to Prof. Nunn of the Dental hospital dublin ireland that i would remain positive and remain laughing and happy.
you cannot do this. it isnt possible in todays structure for the sick and older person.
but can we reverse this awful trend of dismissal.
can we make it better.
if we can please place your own suggestions to this blog as comments,
i have asked for comment s and that is why the comment facility is on this blog to either join in a dialogue or make your statement.
many hands on the agenda push the agendas.

being 'past your sell by date!'

Huffington post has mentioned the crisis of an ageing population and the antagonism amongst the younger generation for us even trying to live as we once did.
Old age is not a SIN.
its a process we all go through.
YOUNG age is also a process and moves towards Old age!
Money which seems to be a the root of the agism hatred and our perceived 'nuisance status' is not a good enough reason to reject what is now the majority of the modern day population.

We have science to thank for the population continuing to live on and stay active and healthy.
This is called progress!
the individual who decides for themselves that they want to live, can live and can contribute should be equal in the eyes of society.
because i am slightly grey on top but very grey in the sense of disability there is little wrong with my ways of dealing with life.
slower yes, and more stressful definitely as its a war zone out there being disabled now.
In any country.
I know it is not easy to even think about this sort of problem if you are under 30.
even harder if you are out of work.
harder still if you have aspirations and the jobs and chances are being held by older people.

but again this is called the process of civilization.
let the individual wrinklie live on.
for sure the wrinklie has contributed and can be a stalwart of society in many ways
Let the wrinklie be the best wrinklie in the world.
that what most wrinkles need and want.
It is no different really to what young people want.
All want to have the best.
the best that society now says is there for the taking.
so if we take it isnt selfishness!
its called equality.
and its called fairness.
tell me why i should die at 60 with a very good active brain.
die so that others may live.
die and sit around and feel that most resent me and my needy body.
that i am past it and should be put up against a wall and shot.
No.  No one should be put up against a wall and shot.
those who do murder in some countries are.
and condemning wrong is right but condemning the right to life is also very wrong indeed.

the HP also stated that there was profound resentment amongst the young especially against the elders who act 'too young' and dress 'too young'
who actually states we should dress in sack clothing.
again we live in a modern age of mass production and the commodities of dress are relatively cheap now.
colour too is vibrant and exciting.
why should my dress match my hair because the generation below me think it should.
why should it?
I enjoy colour.
I enjoy the younger generation (those in my family i never see and they never bother to ask if i am ok, this being a sign of the times).
i enjoy hearing of life from the younger generation.
and i have recently held a baby from a young mother and love it all.
but why, if i can love what the young have to offer, can the young not love what i may have to offer.
its very odd indeed.
as an oldie i am saddened by attitudinal changes for society and within society.
saddened that many young people hardly ever think of what we termed 'charity work.'
now charity work is paid work.
but charity work was not that for me.
it was something i enjoyed and loved, to care and offer when i was strong and gifted and willing to listen (to the elderly through 'friends of the elderly')
but the youth think that as a concept very 'stuffy' and 'of no worth at all. it doesnt create a career path.'
but it can!
you can be seen differently.
a person willing to offer...this is a view.
a person who steps outside the norms... this is seen as inventive and creative.
a person willing to be patient ...a character trait needed in many companies amongst the rat race that there is now.
but also perserverence when things are rather dull at times and tiresome.  this is about the best trait to have.
jobs and money dont come landing and dont come exciting, in the main.
you need patience, perserverance and determination.
we elders can teach.
the 'new way' is the 'new age' of young and old working together for a new world.
don't knock it, tomorrow your day will arrive and you will wonder where did time fly
in the meantime i am on my laptop and i am determined to stay youthful in attitude and determined, as this is a trait i learnt myself from no less than - the grey haired brigade
images above are taken at a nursing home for blind elderly, the young man embarrassed at first to hold a small dog, he came to learn about 'giving'.
the older of the two, is a fantastic woman who spoke volumes to me and to a very small chihuahua, she is blind and had been 'put away' since a young age.
we had a good afternoon that day!

study twins and judge a nation - seriously!

yes, twins have been used in research for comparison reasons.
factors taken into account being environment, food intake, social status and trauma versus er, less trauma.
also leaving one's country of origin and staying in one's country of origin.
work type, personality type, choice of partners, and so much more.
well how about "Know thy country by knowing thy twins?"
I have an ideal case in point.

firstly i am an identical twin.
we lived apart all our adult life.
we choose Creative arts v Social science.
We had a different set of financial criteria to order our lives with.
we had a different culture to absorb into
Different food preferences
different health services and different educational advantage.

Remember one thing though as we go through the list in many other ways.
WE BOTH are HIGHLY intelligent.  we score as such on the tests and would possibly do even higher if we had had hearing aids before the age of 25!
we have 30% hearing, each of us has that amount.

Hearing allows you absorb knowledge, debate, relate and think as those who are hearing people think.
In other words we would be in a different financial and professional zone by far i think if we were hearing people.
another research analysis for this please, but its probably been done.  it has, very few deaf people get to third level status.

so i am choosing to take 'How you judge your country when looking at one set of Identical twins, who are the same nationality.

Criteria for judging is pretty much on every level be it rather simplistic.

financial - she had some, i had none!
educational - she had some but considered better, i had some but considered rather irrelevant.
social - she lived amongst the middle classes and mixed within the middle classes.
I lived amongst working class and mixed with er, no one really.
career advancement - I became good, she became wonderful.
(but who decides?  this is another days debate)
Professional status - I was ok, she was the top.
Health status - both deaf
one rather sad at the beginning and ended in the mental health system once, remember when you read this sentence remember the word SAD and ONCE. both will reveal as very important.

so when the twins are living in different countries for over forty odd years you dont think about prejudice, stigma etc but you DO once the twin comes BACK.
You fully realise who you are then, in the pecking order and your life as it had been seems to take on meaning as to some of the whys.
simply put again, ONCE in the mental health system has coloured ATTITUDE and this has coloured how we reflect on our country.

My country rates badly for me on Attitude i am afraid.
we have bad attitudes.
we treat the mentally ill very badly and have an attitude toward all who ONCE were in the psychiatric system (thank god there is a worldwide shift on the morality of this discipline).
Financial status has to be up there with Attitude too, for those who have better financial stauts defo get a better deal all round, see the twins read the articles and watch this space as there sure is to be more on this.
If you have nothing you will be treated badly, very badly indeed.
if you have some you will be treated well and liked to boot.
Professional status.  this is the biggie of them all and the highest ranking in Ireland, my country is not the politician, but the doctor!
not even the cleric rises over and above a doctor here.
this is the accolade to reach, that of doctor who!

when you have twins one being a doctor and one being a creative person straight away you have a "feck it and run situation!"

A mixture of bad attitude, stigma and prejudice has blighted my twin and my life for three and a half years, the sum total of years my twin has lived here as an adult woman.

All have contributed not only to my twin at the top of her career and profession being reduced to tears but seeing her twin who is at the bottom rung in everything being reduced to abuse, blame and name calling has been far too great for even a professional social worker to bear.

My country can indeed be judged by looking at the twins here.
everyone admires a doctor!
no one likes a person once in the mental health system, they have not an idea how to say 'hello' as there is no pedigree behind that!
but there IS one pedigree actually and here lies the truth of it and the lie of it all.

both are highly intelligent.
both are honest and hard working.
both loved the jobs and careers they chose and have no regret in this
both accept the other for being the doctor and the near beggar.
well accept when it doesn't hurt too bad to see what society does to the beggar!

when we get such a mix as has happened we have a relationship time bomb.
we have twins not just at war about twin stuff and twin stuff is far more than being a twin, there are many great papers on 'being a twin' you can be stumped when reading them, i was!

but you can also be stumped to see attitude, prejudice, stigma and hatred played about with in twins lives that would have you reeling if you were aware enough to see it happening.

there is no excuse to treat either differently than the other.
both are highly intelligent.
both are honest and hard working
both loved their jobs and had no regrets
both did well.

in a small isolated insular country the word of 'the doctor' be in in philosophy or medical, they drop the platters and come running when the person on the other end of the phone has been named as the doctor in the house.
any house.
but sure be it, drop everything when doctors speaks, comes, or arrives.
when a beggar, of beggaring financial status only she isnt a beggar, but when a mental beggar, she isnt mental but that ONCE was a status laid upon her but then refuted and apologised for, but it makes no difference in a small isolated insular country, it breeds attitude of a horrible kind altogether.
when an artist with a lot of emotional temperament comes, what happens in this mixed, are you beginning to see the scene on your screen?
well i am.
Oh darling dear professor come here to me...
oh shit everyone leave the theatre, we have a nutter on the loose.
Well, thats theatre for you anyway.
problem is, it happens.
and it happens in Ireland.
I have judged a country by the way it judges and sees one pair of identical twins.
yep.

Being an identical twin from political prospective

i am an identical twin.

Twins fascinate others.
We are used in medical studies because the idea that disease can be caused by environment and by genetics and by autoimmune difficulties interests the medics.

To determine if a disease is caused by a specific environment they may watch twins and see if they have a different environment and how different and what may be there that switches on disease.

Being a twin, identical, also in a political sphere has equal curiosity and also unequal bias toward the better and the worst of it.

Let me explain.

Difference in a population is very evident.
Many may discount it by saying 'ah no that would never happen.'
It does.
You can be from the same gene pool, have the same dna, same country passport, same education, equal intelligence but its what you do from the age of 18 onwards that makes all the difference in the world to what happens you and how you are viewed.

This is why identical twins are interesting politically.
How do people react to twins who are identical yet extremely different.
Who comes off better both economically and socially and also who can be relied on and who can be accepted and which will never be.

You couldnt have more difference to one identical twin being a senior social worker of international repute, with doctor in front of her name and one being a vibrant, blousy artist, with no doctor in front of her name and nothing of international repute.
What i share is the intelligence part, we both have more or less the exact same IQ.  its higher than average, so this isnt what stopped a professional educaition for one of us.

We then split at age 18 and chose to live in different countries.
Here is where it gets interesting.
Ireland had nothing to offer - hence one twin left.
Simply because she knew what she wanted to do and where she wanted to go.

One had no idea.  She stayed in the poor country and remained poor, very poor.
She remains a very fine artist.

We now have a divergence of sorts.
We have an academic versus a creative individual.

We have a wealthy nation in the 70's accepting one from a poor nation.
We have a poor nation with nothing to offer a bright intelligent sparkling individual who is broke and there isn't much one can do about it.

Grants for third level education was available for anyone, in the more wealthy nation.
There was no such thing here in ireland.
you went on the dole, you queued for the food mountain beef and cheese.
You squatted, got menial jobs and try to become famous!

If we add just a few other items to this identical twin gene pool.
Both twins had very difficult times adjusting to adult life.
But a lot of people DO!
In a wealthy nation you are given support and an education during the support.
In a poor country you are given the local asylum and darn all education - i assembled plugs and sat in a factory row packing black bin bags.
This i did under the name of 'industrial therapy'
I got 1.50p per week and that went on cigarettes.
(i had recourse to wander into such a day centre recently, in all the time i have been out of it and also in that system nothing has changed.  men sat round packing sanitary towels, i guess they still too call it industrial therapy)!

there is nothing one can do with poverty at the crossroads.
Crossroads in social adjustment
crossroads in education
crossroads in the game of 'chance'

There was nothing you could have done any differently.
I was shy and scared.
My poor mother saw how unhappy i was so she enlisted a daughter of a family friend to try and help.
a psychiatrist.
This led to decades in this system.

Who knows what life the other half, the identical twin had when away.
Did she run into the same difficulties?
If so how did she deal with them?

We are not to know.

What we do know for sure, she came home at the top of her career, she came home with a doctorate and creds to burn and rightly so.

I think if i had left i could have been afforded both the education and the chances that went with this.

I chose to do Artistic pursuits.
I loved it.
I guess being poverty stricken wasnt that nice but i didnt really care.
I was doing what i liked, just as the identical twin was.

I didnt like being lonely and scared and being in a lunatic asylum for THAT alone!

Nor did i like when my twin returned after 40 odd years to see the separation that can happen to identical twins of different social and economic status.
the difference is stark and is being visited upon both of us daily.

Ireland holds education as the key to advancement.
Ireland holds educated people dearly.
Ireland does not hold 'difference' well at all and considered those with difference are a bit like dandruff.  they fall on your shoulders constantly and never go away.

Lets look at these identical twins forty years hence.
If the twin abroad had social and economic stress she has overcome the best part of it through education and choice.

If the twin in ireland had social and economic stress and had overcome the best part of it, doesnt matter at all, for history is long in Ireland (we enjoy our sense of history too you know).

but if you have overcome the social shyness and fears it doesn't mean you are now on a level playing field.  You are not, for no one will ever let you forget that as a vulnerable niaive wee 18 yr old you found life frightening and ended in the lunatic.
There are notes to refer to - we are a small country so everyone has access to these, just about everyone can see a 'history'

but if in a wealthy country with 48 million who would care if you were once in a place like that.
they see you with the Dr. in front of your name and rightly so.  they would not be bothered to try and seek out the unsavoury unless you were a threat to the nation.

If you are poor with a doctorate - the doctorate part will help you no end.
it happens, i have seen it.
its an effective tool  Ireland adores educated people.
It doesnt adore those of us who though educated are not professional and thus again are nothing.

You can say you sold to the american ambassador.
you can say you have six irish book design awards for books i wrote for children and also illustrated.
you can have a commentator saying "a wonderful up and coming writer/illustrator for children in a article and book but if you have no money, were once in psychiatry for being shy, you will be treated differently til the day you die.

and when you see how this does work in identical twins and how they are constantly being split by the political systems of politics and health.
the educated doctor gets the better slice of the cake.
the other gets abuse.
We both see this.
its staring us in the face.

it is happening daily.

so this personal study of identical twins tells me all i want to know on the political level.

Ireland reveres the educated with Dr. in front of their names.
it hates Difference and even hates more the poor.
Read my previous blogs and i can account detail after detail of the running film of stigma, splitting, and acceptance and rejection.

Remember in all this at the end of life aged 60yrs.
we are back together after growing up in different economic and social and professional and career choices.
We are back together more genetically identical than we even thought - we have a rare medical combo for which as yet there is no diagnosis but an approximation to what is happening - we have a parkinsons type condition and also a muscle wasting component.

We are back together in the same country EQUALLY educated.
many who stayed did find education outside the universities.  Its called the education of life and also self education in all things of importance.
I just didn't sit an exam for any of it.

We BOTH can hold our heads up high for all we achieved.
In social life, in economic life and in the citizenship.
We both GAVE back in equal portions.
Do we get the same reverence, respect, approval and services - NO we do not.
one is revered, the other is cast aside like dirt.

MY friend we have a nation not ready to say its modern.  I did point out this before.
so my study in twinship from the perspective of both education, economics and status is quite an  interesting one.
Every day i watch how the services will treat this incident and i am usually right.
I win not.  i go jam side down on everything.

the buttered  and jammied bread is the swiss roll for the twin.

I defy anyone to consider this moral.
we are equal in all things, even now in desease yet treated so differently it beggars belief and understanding.
i detect another identical twin research project here.
I am yet, still proud of all i achieved.
very proud of all i have achieved.

it is wrong not to at least try understand the starting point before you make judgements at the end of life.  We are dying.
One is dying in better style than the other, even if its the same condition.
thats my country for you.

Its dirt poor in education right now, for i am at still at the door with my hand on the knocker, begging to be let in.

The sickest joke in an Office in Ireland

Ann put in a dreadful day.

four full days with practically no sleep at night.
this isnt good for a body so unwell.

Stress, builders and HSE.

The mix is a mess and its sick.
There is chaos at the homestead.
the builders are whacking through my home now at ferocious pace when four months of near idleness ran by and my nerves were frayed.

The boss hurling abuse when i pleaded for response to the never ending question 'when will you be out of here?'

so much so the men were now doing work and chosing paving, counter tops etc without even asking if i liked, and placing in before i could say yah or nah.

the HSE also have a lot of questions to answer.
a wonderful Occupational therapist came to my home to give an opinion on the work done to date.  He wasnt from the HSE.

Ramp is not correct - so where was the Occupational therapist of the HSE to make sure it was?
When a HSE OT had been standing there at this ramp with the builder why still is it not right?
Did she write up a report and sketch to make sure the builder knew fully how it was to be placed and the specifications etc?
I do not even know if this interview with the builder was indeed recorded.

Next now to the patio doors.
these are large and of a two window slider doors so heavy.
my beautiful respectful indian OT asked gently would i be able for these with my muscle wasting.
I considered this too.
I responded that before they were put in it was known what i needed here but who was to tell me about weight of doors and who should have known and how was i to know?
The builder would have and so too the OT, HSE  OT who should have been guiding this type of process as this is a health issue rebuild for a disabled woman.
they are heavy and no i dont even like the weight now.
My gentle OT, indian, said if it was a three pane slider it would have been easier.
but then where was the HSE OT.

Next up for scrutiny was the drainage.
instant reaction he didnt like the levels.
neither did i.
the house is lower than the land immediately in front where paving is.
we are subjected to flash flooding.
well now, who should have been keeping an eye on this if i am a patient only and neither builder, surveyor, architect, OT or other.
Only the disabled woman.
certainly the builder should have known.
Also he did know about the flash flooding here.
If you throw grant aid at a disabled woman living on her own and on her own in all sorts of ways, what can you expect but for a builder to just ignore the fact and do what he liked, which he pretty much has on the major aspects of this build.

thats the builder for today then.  And that was the visit from the wonderful Indian OT who reminded me so much of my first Love who also was indian by name Karmarli.

consider now the health issues i have regarding my Occupational therapy needs.
I have been trying to make an appointment with the Occupational therapy manager to arrange a meeting with my twin sister and i.
she rang me today whilst i was lying on my swingseat.
there were builders working behind me but i don't hear that once my hearing aid is out and it was out so that i could place the handset to my ear.

the OT voice i could hear clearly.
she said she had heard i was looking for her.
I had.
she asked me had i given thought to the conversation we had last (this wasnt what i was looking for her for).  she was referring to giving back my powered chair because it was given to me by 'mistake' apparently!
I declined to answer this question so she asked it again.
i followed this up with a question for her.
Will you listen to what i have to say Ms AB
I then told her what i had to say, starting with my traveling to UK to see a renowned Prof and telling her what he had said to me.
suddenly i thought that Ms AB had gone so i asked her "are you there"
i heard muffles and then hoots of laughter, laughing like a hyena.
there was a second person at the other end of the phone but it all sounded a bit far away.
Ms AB the area manager Occupational therapist had put the phone on speaker so that whoever was in the office could hear!
they were having a right bitch and laugh there too.
I handed the handset to my PA from the IWA who is male.
He said "hello" and then listened and handed it back to me.
I took the phone and said 'hello' and i heard a piercing voice scream "there is a man there!"
"Yes! Yes, Ms AB i have my PA here, there is indeed a man here and i am terminating this call, i do not like what i find in this phone call.
you have been laughing at me.  I shall put this phone down and then i shall ring my twin sister and the local area TD.
 which i did.
I was sickened to the stomach.
we have a problem in Ireland if managers within the health service executive deal with phone calls from disabled women in this manner abusing both confidentiality and professionalism by laughing out loud in the office precincts with other members of staff whilst supposedly having a one to one conversation with a client she has rung.

I was so sick i thought i would throw up and i wept.
I turned to my PA.
She had the Speaker phone on!
yes, he agreed as he nodded his head.
How f...sick is that
Yes, he agreed with a nod.

it was a dreadful day at the office.

I can say with full knowledge that we have now a monster in our midst, it is by name The Health Service Executive.
One thing about Dr Reilly he is right on.
It has to go and so too all the area managers of just about every discipline.
if they are like the one i had recourse to try and dialogue with today, they all have to go.
Unfortunately, they are all like the one i had recourse to try and dialogue with today.

correction on previous blog.
when i mentioned i had no family well sorry my dear dear twin, I have you and i love you.
remember as we came up the road side by side on two nearly clapped out whining mobility scooters and remember what i shouted across over the wind.  "i love you mags!"  well actually i shall further correct i shouted "i adore you"
strong words.
Of love
of the HSE i have strong words of utter hatred and there isn't any for that, none yet exist.

Being a woman - in Ireland

being a woman in my country you may think the gender divide is far less here than any place else in say europe.
That the Mama in the home is still the Ban an Ti, being the master of all and dictator with a heart of gold.

what we have actually is suppression.
the more i live the more i see it in the different spheres i now seem to cover.
these spheres are as follows:

I am not wealthy, in deed do not even have a farthing in any bank account.
I am sick and do not have a health insurance worth speaking of.
I am disabled and do not have family support or any help from relatives whatsoever.
I am a woman
I am single
I am 60yrs of age.

i havent one category to help me along against the abuse dished out in all of these spheres here in this country.
Money can buy you out of anything here.
If you are sick someone will support and help and money might add a bit here too.
if you are sick and in hospital you may have a family member watching, indeed now the family are a must if you are to stay alive in hospital and have someone feed you if that is needed and talked to the doctors if that is needed and even as far as check the meds - just in case, because mistakes are being made.
If you are disabled you may need transport and mobility, if you have a family member that might help or a friend or money.  if you have none of these you are washed up and waiting.
if you need appliances, you can buy em or ask someone to advocate for these if you do not feel strong enough.
if you are a woman alone you are sunk and can be mashed because there is no one to face shit really if that abuser is found out and this fact is usually known.
men are needed because men have demanded they will neither speak to a woman, believe a woman or treat a woman well.
so the men have to be there so that answers can be got and services obtained.

this my friend is stigma by gender and abuse because of gender.
this is the divide in Ireland without equality nor any form of redress.

you can be called names to your face and to others, very slanderous names and you have no fora to report abuse and receive justice.
you can make representations til the cows come home but unless you are supported you are screaming out hot air to stones.
there is nothing you can do against the burocracy of old stones.

also when a woman alone aged 60yrs you are now on that ladder of importance at the pain treshold of ten and the ladder rung of zero or even mixed up on the clay where the ladder is leaning.
certainly at this point climbing power is so weak its impossible to make an impression.

Reports of abuse, slander, injustice, letters for aid, for assistance, appliances and communication - well for the single woman without anyone these all go against you or get past on to another 'division' or sector and reports can be continually reviewed by another which come up with the same answer, never in your favour and always against you.
the answers remain constantly the same even if grossly unfair or inaccurate and purposely done so to protect the collective good, of which you have no part or place.
you can scream to the winds and no one has the ear or hearing aid in.
you are alone against what is now written in the reports and its known that even if government officials are alerted and bodies set up to oversee the rights of the vulnerable are there to appeal to the answers are the same, there is no justice.

One minister has even said to me and my twin "we are good at doing reports but it means nothing"
this is the essence of Irish moral standards and standards adhered to in the face of most things, human rights, legislation and equality.
you can try but never win.
mentally ill are being trod all over and budgets absorbed into some place else but not into health care in that sector.
the elderly once served well with a type of treatment are now being given the cheaper options which are useless and do not work.
we also have funds now lying there within the department of health to the tune of 18million.
we seemingly have a cache of unspent coppers to this sum there and there are people having wheelchairs taken off them and young women with crohns disease not allowed a medical card.
yet there is still unspent funds for this year to this sum, its a lot of money gone unspent on health care.
this money is being accrued i believe illegally, it is waiting for the next crisis for this to be used, and it wont be health.
we have ministers not using their votes and we have abstaining from votes on major issues of local, national and international importance.
but ireland gives no one answers to anything.

they do reports.
they also have free rein to lash out at those most vulnerable
they cannot and will not allow themselves to be accountable or make reparation.
they have covered themselves entirely every way.
if you are a woman in ireland you are doomed to the sub classes with no power, clout or influence.
you can cry and cry and cry...many do.
i know one.
there are no answers to being a woman in ireland