Cow Jumping has temporarily stopped

yes, i can say that right now the different type of cow jumping i am referring to is - i will not even attempt the cows right at this moment.

I am so tired the cows can do what they wish and i can be and seem to be as disabled as i feel.

tomorrow is a big day at the hospital.
i feel a 'meltdown' coming on.
the inaction.
years of it in Ireland for me.

I visited another hospital today and spoke with a neuropsychologist.
I referred to the treatment by the HSE as 'professional abuse.'
Simply and plainly -abuse.

Expressing my distress with tears and sorrow i asked why after years trying to transcend  certain other types of abuse, like clerical sexual abuse and dysfunction in my life i had to face this at 60.
i overcame drink, prescribed medication, hospitalizations, rape in hospital by other patients. clerical abuse when so so vulnerable.
also overdosing and cutting up.

i came a long way and am taking charge of what is left, its called Responsible Living.
I am staying active and trying to remain fit, given my disability.
i am making decisions about the future in case i do get worse.
i also am taking action right now to remain as well as i can.
but all is in vain when my Quality of Life is what is not so good.

there is little i can do to beg anymore for such things as the HSE to stop the phone calling about returning my wheelchair.
stop the HSe writing letters to me to say if i wasnt happy refer to the Ombudsman.
what i say to the HSE, i am not happy and they should refer to ME!
speak to me, normally.
speak to me as a human being.
treat me decently and see my achievements and not laugh behind closed doors and putting their personal professional phone on speaker so all else can hear.
I will state that i recounted this today to the psychologist.
he was appalled that a member of staff within the HSE put her phone on speaker into her office and where i heard her laughing and heard another voice, and i was addressing the issues of 'neurodegeneration' she was so disrespectful.
how on earth can you stop such behaviours?

One way for sure being that i will note it, and address it here.
i have to.
for if it happens me then it is happening others.
if we do not know about such things, it can never be stopped.
so alot of people may be suffering professional abuse right now across this country and all countries.

I want my life and i will reclaim it back from the HSE.
remember, HSE each of you is a person with both a body and a mind that needs caring for to stay well.
what would happen to you if you had to face this struggle, the illnesses, the disabilities and the hardship.
would you take kindly to others making it worse for you and your family?
you would not.

tomorrow i shall ask the doctor also why he feels it ok to abandon me to no treatment whatsoever bar pain relief and some immune deficiency aids as in some little poppers.

what about the wheelchairs, and requesting a decent one for a 60yr old?
what about having physiotherapy when its known to help dying muscles and bodies.
what about braces for feet, ankles and wrists when the muscles are wasting there.
and information about cheaper options for diet, medication and subsidies that are there but i know not.

i know my cows will not rest for long.
and i will have to receive that unexpected phone call from someone in ballyhaunis mayo asking,demanding for the wheelchair back.

and i know i wont stop fighting the hse for a better deal.

who saw the programme tonight about the mobility grant being stopped and how such a scheme helped Irish disabled.

what are you going to do about it?
i mean i now talk to the disabled confraternity in Ireland?
when you are not able to work for some reason or other, and not able to work when you are barred due to disability and how others are more able get the jobs, able in the sense of getting up in time and transport and stuff.  can you not work for the campaign for better treatment?

why not?
is it not worth it to be equal?
do you have to put up with such as i am right now?
will you let it happen, this i ask you?
I will not let the HSE rob me of my happiness, though they are succeeding quite nicely at the moment.

but also i have a twin with a disability and a family without.
i adore my twin and we are working hard on getting stuff right for ourselves.
when i look at the hardship of the people on the telly tonight and think of a relative whose only interest is horses and another mushrooms and who are fully paid up members of the upper middle classes and us twins struggle then i have to fight and fight hard.
my twin and i will reach our end happy in the knowledge that we did indeed fight the system, the family inaction and made good our end, with peace and love.
i too know that our attachment to each other, in the ways we chose to show it, is appreciated beyond measure.
and when there is one person loving you, you will  feel better.
who kissed the knee tonight then?