Personality, Reparation and all that stuff!

~How difficult it is to step over or aside from ones own feelings and hurts and ways of expression of same?
- How difficult to change the ways of communication and engagement.
- HOw difficult it is for conciliation and reparation, that is a 'truce,' making amends and acceptance of stance to take place?
- I think its about longevity!
- the longer the hurt and pain and ways of making ones voice heard in such a way, be it good bad and indifferent, the harder it is to change tack.
In a perfect world, which it is definitely is not, one would wish to wash the sins of all of us and many away.
Is there true reconciliation with the Jewish Nation after the War?
Will there ever be so between the Jewish people and the Palestinian?
Are we expecting too much?
Again, many say these sort of conflicts take time, again we have the longevity bit.
Unfortunately Humans do not have longevity on our sides. so you kiss and make up fast or you remain enemies for life and forever.

I wonder how one surmounts these difficulties as they are usually all across the familial generations and for decades beyond.  It is not an unusual phenomenon and no family is without the hurt, bitterness and longevity of memory!!

Do people have an inbuilt Flaw, that is part of once the hunter/gatherer situation? You will use the flaw, once seen in your prey and hone in on that?
or in the case of anger, bitterness, was it a weeding out of the week etc within the caves that men and women were literally done away with.
Again this is the 'survival of the fittest' so that the human species can toughen up, grow and develop.
But what are the legacies that hold within our genome and psych from the ancestors before us?
Have we literally found no use other than attack for the part of us that once was to 'grow' strong and be useful?

Personality is a person who has grown and personality is half nature and nurture and probably more nurture than anything cos we came onto earth in a pretty raw state.

So when one has reached nearly the ten score year and ten, er, is that right?
we have become bloody set in our ways.
To transgress, continue a way of communication at this age makes it harder for all, because in a sense we are all weaker and frail so it hurts more and makes more of an impact than when we were say, 2oyrs old.
Tradition too, plays a part, the roles are well defined in a family setting again to protect the survival of the fittest.
Usually, those who do not marry are sometimes just very unlucky but mostly because their inbuilt make-up has been determined by nature not to produce a strong link in the already strong link that is there...again protection for longevity of a race, clan and family.

Forgiveness is a different matter...you can try and  explain the reasons behind actions, and some of them are not that good actually and some of them are, but forgiveness is not a biological entity.
its a learned response and has to be taught and has to be repeated over and over in order for the understanding of the word, 'forgiveness' is truly known.
Some may never understand the concept, some may use the words, some try to use it with good intent and some just rubbish the idea.
ON a personal level i would place myself with the 'good intent' and am forgiving, but unfortunately i am the type who also has not fully 'let go' but trying to learn this idea that forgiveness is a wholesome and necessary thing, for all.

Can i do this 'forgiveness' trick?
I think i can, and i am working hard on it.
Its a hard lesson and it takes hours of homework. at the best of times as a schoolchild, homework was not my strongest point!
but i see its VALUE.
So me in my mighty, measly way has tried through blog of this one, to sort out the mish-mash of meaning of personality, reparation and all that stuff.
of reparation...thats for another day altogether.

ECT, Mental Health, mental wellbeing

a finding of international repute has found that ECT is not only of no scientific benefit but in fact positively dangerous, and should be put to bed with lobotomy, insulin coma therapy, hot baths and such.
yes, bore a hole in my head please it hurts!
I do not approve of ECT, i do NOT.
I believe i have very good reason as well.
No, i have never been treated or shocked with ect, i have seen it been administered and wheeled the wrecks back to the recovery room and gave the multiple headaches their painkillers as they moaned on the cots.
Why, do you ask did i happen to be doing this?
I have not the foggiest notion, for i was a patient at the hospital!  yet i wheeled the men and women who i had befriended down to the blasted electric rooms, omg it was awful.
How many 'outsiders' have seen a confused 'shot at with electriicty person?'
How many people actually want to?
would you like to see what it does to your relative, have you seen the film "one flew over the cockoo's nest?" see it.
that is the reality in a mental institution.
it was when this film was made in my day and it is now.
very little has changed if at all.  there is more restraint, due to lack of staff, there still is no real occupation for the patients, they wander around like blue arse flies bored out of their trees.
there are security men now instead of nurses.
and they are the bouncer type too!
besides, its even hard to get into one when you ARE sick, as i know that too, as my keys were whipped from my van when i did attempt to leave a woman there, oh, she is dead now - as is her friend.  she died a few months after the first one.

Back to ECT.
the brain, the brain is a fatty organ, with nerves and its the head of communication operations and somewhere, if its the brain at all, feeling and emotions are connected with that part of the anatomy.
we can pretty much guess at this one actually, for i have met a lobotomised woman, it was scary.
she admitted it, but it was like talking to an automaton.
Why should you inflict more pain to relieve another pain?
If you brake your leg at the knee and then at the ankle would it be wise to say 'ah, we will break in the middle, cos then we shall have symetry and all will mend in a line, like"
silly bloody analogy but i am tired.

but this study is not going to change a psyschiatrist academy's view.
Why, well ECT is the quick fix when they cannot ply the magic any other way.  the quick fix is very short and slip, zap secondst lived, its not a cure!

Psychiatry is the luxury item in the medical sphere, as all they have to do is claim, 'well its the brain, mental illness, you cannot cure mental illness, they have it for life, you know we do try to allivate the pain but you cannot fix it."
they damn try hard to fix something they know they cannot.
and they get paid a mighty fee to be the quack on the stand of the wagon yollering for his skills and his lotions and potions, ECT being one.
400 people received ECT last year, some against their will and some with their own free will.  you would wonder which is the saner.
if you go into this knowingly are you sane?
if you go in roaring are you insane?
from age 17 until i was 48 i walked up my lonely road from the bus to the shrink every two weeks for a fifteen minute 'therapy' with her.
I was quaking all of the walk there, i sat in the waiting room more or less rocking in terror, i entered her room, sat down.
this is psychiatry at its best, are you ready for this?
"how are you today?
'the same."  i look into my lap and fumble at the cigarette i have just lit.
"what have you done this week."
"well, i went for walks, i did a bit of artwork, you know this and that."
"I'm not sleeping well, i am having nightmares."
"what are you on for sleeping?\
I tell the doc the dope.
"oh we can increase that for you for a while."
"are you sure, is it safe to?"
a giggle "of course its SAFE!' you can go up to zillion of milligrams on that one!
ah, i say, stupidly.
'I wish the bloody depression will go."
"it will."
"but when."
"give it time."
"will it get any better than this."
"it will."
this is some hell of an intelligent conversation going on here innit?
so the drawl the scrawl and the promise...did you hear that now, that is the bottom line.
'i promise you it will get better for you.\
and i am told to be patient and take the stronger sleepers and just up the anti-depressant a wee bit, and are you sure you wouldnt try MAOI again?
after eating oxtail soup and nearly killing myself for its reaction to whats in MAOI, that was a defo no.
Anti-depressants did me as much good as eating too many bananas, they made me constipated stupid in my brain where nothing flowed.
you lived terrified in this world, and begged to go back to the lunatic.  I begged to get back where i was safe, but usually only after i was there three weeks and couldnt face the world, i hadnt been given the confidence to do it.
so it was a roller coaster of innane conversations, no therapy, you call the above therapy?
no freedom of brain for it was clogged, constipation like with drugs.
its also like putting a plunger on the toilet, you hold it there for a very long time.
say over forty years?
cos if you didnt the woman/or man might be able to talk well about the difficulties and when the plunger was sloshed up and down and sucketted out the woman would talk it all away on to the floor and more and she with it, and i have!
you have to get it OUT.
you cannot blast it out, insulin it in, medicate it in nor indeed medicate it out.
mental function is a communication and experiential part of being who we are, we work with what we have and its a growing process of nurture, nature, environment, maybe a bit of genetics and such but certainly not just one thing.
I advocate for people with mental health issues, troubled personas and fears, being brave and face it...dont wait 40yrs to get that life you have wanted.
dont sit on the toilet that long.
do something about it, take the enema and get the awful gunge out and start to grow and start to live.
dont do silly things by thinking your method of slashing it away on your arms, legs and stomachs will be the answer either, you WILL be considered a lunatic for doing that, and THAT can never be hidden from the lunatics (shrinks).
dont crash bottle either, as in alcohol as that does damage too.
if yo wait until you are 48 you could in the next ten years, find...you get a life in two and lose your lot in eight, i did, as i got very very sick indeed, physically and i was dismissed...out the door, imaginative lunatic.
working on thoughts and feelings is not a life long  path when they go array, but they could be if you stump it with stumping drugs.
you walk with it, slowly and the slowly will not be 40yrs for most, it will not.
I hate the discipline of psychiatry, i see it ruin more lives than it helped, i have seen psychiatry and its box of trinkets and glitters in myriad of colours and shapes (the rubber bone you hold in your mouth as they shoot you with ect), i have seen the promises the promises, their way.
i have seen the shell shocked individuals who once were actually very bright people either brain dead from ect followed by meds or so drugged anyway they shuffle along, not looking left or right.
just a shell.
if you have a problem talk.
i am gonna sleep now. bit of a ramble but boy oh boy am i dead tired tonight.
anyone enjoy christmas?
i never did - is there a pill for that, can i be zoomed out, scottie?
or zapped out spock?

NaW, AWNYAH came back. thank the trains!

Well, if you clocked out of Awnyah you were fickle, fickle fickle.
I had a damascus conversion on the road to - the noggin.
It was a hard day all round but my zennish brother seems to have calmed both twin and i who sat around laughing and having a chat and it was very very pleasant indeed.
So my damascus has come on viewing or well -wink open, eye closed, one eye open and both eyes closed - the f....budget.
this should make interesting reading to the decerning.
I just wonder what the Cows of today and tomorrow actually understand about 'how does Mrs. V live with diabetes, Bi-Polar and a husband with Cancer and dying? all on her own with a shot in and out for a minute of two of a paid worker who has had her case load increased for no more pay and who will by then be getting tired, harassed and bothered.  It is not for the faint hearted a scene like this.
This is not either a particular generalised pot shot of a actual event unfolding, older people have multiples to worry about.
younger people have multiples to worry about, and try to muddle through.
It wasnt for nothing i heard a Social worker say that 'it has come to the point where the Family have no alternative but to help"
This was a general statement.
This WAS what used to happen in a bygone age and generation.
When we consider how this christian ethos pulled ranks and held fast for their own, we see that the cohesion has always brought the joy and the bitter sweet.
Again this is not an exaggeration if you look back at the old sound archive documenting the hard times on the Blaskets, the off shore isles and during the Famine and also the Fight for republicism, ditto the jointing in fear and community and duty of the many irish who fought in the World Wars.
Complacency came in when money was floating.
The 'I am alright Jack' attitude, and somehow those where were not ok jack got completely forgotten.
It also  came about with affluence and education.
Young people were the centre of attention. we had pages in all the national rags on 'how to parent' from training kids on the potty to being sort of 'diplomatic' with them when naughty, like the psychology of bringing up kids.
most of that is useful but it was in fact were tricks and the family who once had their own ways were made to feel quilty of their tactics.
to reward the kids and feel better on the discipline, they had the money to lash just about every plastic at them, be it the money, the cars, the plastic cars, the 'I want to' and "Yes Darling you will have"
another factor being in the education system.
more were getting educated, the tutors were on a high of expectancy that all their students would brave a new world well, and never thought of the economic bubble that may, and did come.
Every child in Ireland thought they were made for life.
what a bitter blow when they now see what their parents saw, emmigration and poverty and joblessness on a grand scale.
but at the end, the interior clock and tradition had been bought and sold out of them.
gone was an attitude of 'i need to help for that is what i should' comes in 'i have to look after myself'
both apply actually.
one is not exclusive to the other.
The younger generation are meaning to make a better world for themselves as we did, but its the emphasis that has gone, its more or less so individual that no one else counts.
or very few.
and when they dont count they get thrown away.
trash society.
we, i feel strong about this, to get back to the roots of being who we are, in my case and in my country's case, the 'looking out for one's neighbour' country, young and all, all generations, not just for the few, all.
the young, the school children, unemployed and the getting onners!
No man is an Island, but not so only for lack of societal contact, no man can go it alone in any sphere. thats what being human is.
Lets find a new christianity, show the young that the fruits of care are Abundant. the tiny historical anectodes, the 'Oh aunti/granny I never  knew about that!'
and the resultant giggle, and the slap of a bare knee with glee by a wrinkled old arthritic hand of warmth and joy and connectiveness.
now Awnyah is back advocating....HIYA
x

A very ordinary life!

I have come to the conclusion that Life is 'ordinary.'  consider the young and when we were so.
the dreams, aspirations, hopes and prospects were many.  Limitations were there on education, money and stuff like that, but all had the dreams and imagination and all had potential.
No one set out to be any different than Good, honest, and worthy but most of all LOVABLE.

who achieved even half of that?
when you got the education, did you also get your dream or your Love?
If you got the Love, did you get the education and the kids and all the rest of the dreams and longings and hopes.
No.  you got one, or two or three or four, and along the way you picked up the disappointments, an ability to live despite altruism at youths enthusiasm.
most of the exciting prospects and hopes died into pretty much sameness, a gentle process of assimilating whats known as 'the good, the bad and the ugly.'
Who would want to change stuff now, say twenty years on, or even when one has past the school gates after three years finish?
What would you change if you could?
Do you actually think it was a changeable situation or other?
Most possibly we all would have wished in retrospect to change stuff a lot but life plays out for everyone, pretty much the same.
you try your best through sometimes hard and tragic life events.
you may have got the education and money but not the Love and the Children and you may have had children and started to ask yourself 'what was the point of wishing for that?' and 'now what?' syndrome.
If we get another syndrome in here it would be hard to pass life through without another anyway, for most.
Its an ordinary life FOR ALL.
I achieved good things, i have not a doubt.
I have never relinquished my love and respect for the elderly and my love and determination for the twin sister and i to live possibly the last decade well and peacefully.
I have increased my appreciation for life, nature, animals and learning the art of 'trying always' to do my best.
What can i not turn back the clock on?
"Personality and Character" are but two.
"No Love and no children" has to be two definitely.
but can i change it now?  No.  A very strong 'no' as much as you might want.
I am proud for my achievements though sometimes considered small, learning to drive at 53 and now driving an adapted van to take a mobility scooter.
I am proud i tried not to fail those i would hated to, and proud i am still here to see beauty and nature and watch on into a world i never fully understood even a bit, but still what can you see and take joy in when religious ethos has failed you and you will just rely on any good Lord to look after and upon you and take a chance in the Lord, even though an agnostic.
Nothing in Life or Death is a 'given'
On a lighter note when Awnyah has done with the Phillo, i had a grand day indeed.
On wakening i saw my wren return to my 'yardenette,' the first this winter and he had deserted me during the summer and i am none too pleased with him for doing so. (it could have been a she actually)!
despite the vast array of feasts on the table he/she chose to cling the wall and look for the 'real, red blooded things' the blood sucker wren he is!  Pecking away at holes at the poor suckers hiding from the cold, and it was very cold.
I checked the cold frame and most of my cuttings are surviving it, and i whacked heaps of snow off the planters that have bulbs for the next season.
My pink tree has found a corner and placed at its feet are my Feet, the little pink pomps i wore at my neps wedding, lovely ones i dressed up with feathers and sequins and very nicely if i say so too.  i had taken them out of the pink box i placed my pink tree on and knowing that i shall walk soon from here i placed em on the top of the tree stand, to keep firm the tree, to keep firm my faith in myself.

there is a star on top of the white tree, the bigger, there are twinkling stars outside my hall door as i type.  and a spray on the purple door all saved from last year.
Preps are on now for the Vibe, as Anto says he ain't getting any yet, we have a 'depression' on a grand scale here in the holy isle of Eire!
We shall have a Depression on mega style after Monday as the anxiety fueling impending budget promises to be one hell of a humdinger for the least well off too.
that includes the twino and I and doesn't include most of the rest of the tribe.
right back to the good things in Life.
Twin and I went to a craft fair, in the city.
Off we set as we thought the roads reasonable, some were not!
 We parked the flower covered vano outside the exhib hall, bang outside!
down came the ramp back as everyone watched a spectacle we both have to get used to.
the Scooter came out and the wheelchair was put together, the two old disabled people of yesteryear youth helped each other 'assemble' and close up the transporter, Spock style and off we drove, 'zoom em in' down style.
what happened next was the awe bemusement for the watchers.
Firstly we got got price in!
that good in recession times, enough for a coffee, yep all of two euros, but beggars cannot be....
and i moved off, twin whipped her stick from the back carrier of my scooter, hooked the handle into the carrier flap and i pulled her along, tram or train fashion, now thats a spectacle!
it was good, slow, interesting and i have to say I was mighty impressed at HOME GROWN ARTS&CRAFT 'Real QUALITY,'  every year we improve and mature in our rich inheritance of inventiveness and creativity.
the visual arts were not necessarily our finer point but the arts and crafts definitely were.
I asked at stands how the business was, and most said, very down.
one woman i had a gift from via the twino one christmas was standing at ultimate quality pottery ware.  She told me it was her 18th show and feels it will be the last, very few are stopping by at the height of her career i feel.  Her work was GOOD, she featured in a Nationwide programme a good few years ago, she was sad.

I was sad.
Also on show was a showy largesse of wealth as well, we are not without money as the fashion of the women was rich and grand, the money was not short there and a lovely wooly hat was going for 45E how i would love but i bought my E6 keyring - very pricey but nice, but still..very pricey for a keyring!
I bought a necklace and a wee gift for a very kind lady.
I was given a free gift from another kind lady of yesteryear for whom i worked.
Indeed i was her first Card Artist and still some of my work is on their stand, so many years later!
she remembered me, i had forgotten her name and still do!
she gave me a pack, free of my own designs still there and i gave her a print of my designed christmas card this year!
she said i had not lost it!
nope, one doesn't, it just changes.
She gave me decorative tissues too, i guess to wipe nicely the tears of disappointment and loss but with a nice flower on them and so i wipe snot in a decorative way.
We had a coffee and two cakes, which twin went and got, thank God and paid for! Good Woman!  We had a great chat with a 'sitter outer' letting the wife do the walking.
we talked about the science behind how men HATE shopping!
i had seen a scientific programme from the Beeb on it being a biological fact and real rather than laziness.
men can physically feel sick, anxious and have heart attacks over the prospects of big anxiety making shopping sprees as this was, with a lot to loose, via the wife!
A wee hat for E45 and a key ring for E6, when the depression hits, lets hope people and workers do not continue to loose the run of themselves, and think down to the lesser able shopper, and if you sell 10 things for less and sold five for half how would you feel at the profit margins on that one, after the budget!!
Then to the pub, jaded, cracked jaded and in pain and sleepy, the roads loosing the run of itself by beginning to ice over as detected in the whirr of my wheels.
the van wheels.
As a line of bus waiters watched with amusement and disbelief two disabled persons of yesteryear, pack up again in grand and swift fashion and head out, their entertainment was over for the day, we were OFF and their bus had arrived!
Pub, we got in by a breath, at 3.59pm i told twin to get out at the traffic lights and grab a turkey dinner while i parked.
we were the last dinner customers as the counter was closing as twin sticked it up to them.
i sticked in after (walking sticks) and we sat down with other sticks too!
its a Stick pub and very much so, so we feel welcome and at home. the cheer does not leave a stick club in a depression!
we had a grand meal and a mean fantastic chocolate sponge, soggy and soaking with ooozz of black sticky runny chocolate, with two blobs of  veined red white ice cream and chocolate is scientifically proven to improve the mood and atmosphere in a persons brain.
our atmospheres were improved and soothed and so belly filled and belly up we moved on and i deposited twin to her best friend saffi, and then returned to mine the chihuahaus, printed off some  christmas cards, stuck em on card the twino gave and so we had a good day, short window but good.
and i have the name of the bird i shot -with camera yesterday.
A Mistle thrush, a fine fine bird.
Twin now has repaid me in kind for the taxi to Beaumont neuro department! She filled the tank with petrol and boy that has gone up too!
and i wish all the choc feeling as i snuggle.
xx

short but pink and sweet, no sweat!

Oh the season of Good Will, indeed.
with a bail out and budget prior to, is hard to define the season of, er, good will.

Now there is a bloody war going on across the eurozone and not many are happy campers, and it hasn't really 'worked' so far for the zone! so maybe not only will Ireland be 'banjaxed' but maybe we will be zoning out or outzoned by the Euro as it seems that is the way its all going, and going fast.

well, as i usually say, That Said, it wont upset the birds, the snow will but not the eurozone right now, in the present.
the dying species or whats left of them 'the house sparrow' are ALL taking up residence or using it as fly zone for food here, right here, in my yardenette, once a beer bottle ground (so hope for the eurozone yet)!
so they wont sweat the small stuff and neither will i, both they and i have major problems.
they their food supply me and another, a 'forever home'
and apart from that its the Season of Good Will.
I am sure Good Will hunting in this instance.
and the hunting is for a tree, seasonal yes, native no.
real yes and er, no.
green no!
white no or nearly.
Pink defo as in definitely.
i missed out last year so i damn well will not this year.
And it will bring me mighty cheer for hard fought for Pink christmas trees are worth all the effort, as is hard work, hard play, hard talk and hard say.
NOT spending others money!
Gov Style.
We will sure know what way it will all pan out.
I have a gut feeling now that it will not go right for us or europe.
its not for Good Will that the friendlies came and rescued us, they were trying to rescue themselves, and we on the perifery, another bloody typo there, well wrong spelling really as i am better at typing than spelling and writing.  I dont 'do' spell checks for i dont know HOW on blogging.
anyway i am lazy and if a person cannot read between the...letters then cant be helped, some tend to be rather thick and lack the lateral thinking in joining up misspelt words.
All for thinking this through, if you really want to read the message, get it? the message?
 oh we on the edge, again, are of little consequence for the cluster in the middle of europe, we sort of float around or sea around us on the - edge, dont do much not even fish for our own fish for the zone wont let us.
we cannot use our own natural gas either cos it was stolen and allowed to be.
we don't even use our own best power, wind, cos we too lazy to start this up and running before we all went down.
We don't care whether we use real oats or ney, anymore and we a great agricultural country.
we chopped away all our fab bogs and fens.
we putting up awful sterile trees for wood (not for us either)
we buy presents from abroad when we are great crafts men and women and known to be and cannot even cobble together nicely made home made small gifts.
I am making wee origami envelops from my old 'bunty's which i had as a small child and popping in seeds i gathered from the fruits of my labour this summer.
thats right labour and fruits and not the chizler kind.

er, i have drifted.
sorry.
Very sorry.
And
my
stats
have
plummeted
and
i
blame
you
for
not
spreading the word!

end of a 'good feeling rant' that!

there is little i can say about the state of the nation or good will to all men etc until time passes, say a week, but it doesn't look as if it will take that long.
it didn't take too long to find a Pink Artificial Christmas Tree and not too bad in price for the time that is innit.
So whilst i am on the search for the ultimate in giggles etc. i do hope others are novel in their thinking, and that applies to the gov and the zone too.
and with that, i am zoning out.
i hope i have kept the stats up and i have had a giggle.
x

coldest on record - including in the soul of Ireland or mine anyway

We have the coldest November day on record.
We have too, a cold day for Ireland in its history, which is the coldest day in the souls of Irish people.
Has anyone read the 'doomsday book' or whatever, and when is this day to come, or has it already?
if you know let me in on the answer.

For me....
Snow, long avenues, hungry and cold birds, indoors, heat, sickness, trap, isolation and all that shite.
the snow looks really good.  I think it a necessity.
it does keep down the worlds population, for so many die frigid with icicles on their noses. Natures way of population control.
it also serves to remind us that all is not a hot sun, tan and seaside, naked.

Maybe too on the fiscal side as well, of that i know little and shall not be around to see the good bad or better of it all anyway.

we are now in for the long haul.  One and all.

What else did i mention?
Ah the cold birds.
this was interesting indeed.
the peanut feeders got cleaned out and filled, but on one i forgot to put the cap on again and once hung i wasn't re-entering zone freezing!

tactics and size of bird was a worrying development but its a free for all in this climate.
started off with the jackdaw, now i never saw him here last winter.
he tried a trick or two, stuck his beak down the middle at the top and managed as well to peck quite a lot off and into his beak.
once i saw him with a mouthful and he had a problem which made me wonder on another feature of our feathered friends.
he was finding it hard to 'lift off' and i couldn't make out why.
he crashed into a small open pocket of branches and then i figured his brain was too small to multi-task, so in the effort to keep the nuts his nut couldn't get round the flying part.
thats my theory and it looked pretty credible from what i saw.
then we had the pigeon, you do get used to these i have to say.
he did the stick-head bit too.  I was very worried and concerned, his neck was getting longer and longer and i feared we would have a stuck head.
certainly the nut head wants his  nuts in this case.
but worry i need not, for he got it out and flew, a better attempt than the jackdaw.
the magpie didnt hang around for some odd reason.
an influx of starlings was another worry for they do keep the smaller birds away, by shear number frights.
i saw few little uns today, but guess it could be hard in snow white.
i wasnt looking hard either.
the reliable dunnock was around and so too the robin.
now on the avenue and sickness shit i mentioned.
the former did not get swept, but in bed i heard the grate of a shovel so i was pleased someone else was making an effort.
i was grim again and must sort this bloody flare, it will destroy my glands otherwise, and i mean that.
my twin announced happily that she had made a snowwoman in her front grassy patch, with the help of her mad dog who ate its nose, (carrot)!
and my very bashed about hub cap served well as her crown!
the cap that was dumped not nicked from my van for it wasn't there nor myself either, whilst she was romping like a ten year old (along with my neice who i believe was doing the same in another part of the country), i was lying on the bed,going through my computer housekeeping and that should make mags b proud of me!
I suddenly longed to be with her to share some fun and get some air.

big mistake.
the chis loved it all, the windows of van had to be de-iced and i was glad it was pointing in the right direction, parked so to prevent a swirl of a slither this morning.
the f... waste bin was still on the road, i whacked the side with my walking stick and off shot the caked snow on its head.
i wheeled it up that f...avenue and left it in its place.  my hands were not feeling so good, i had left the gloves in the van.
i picked up rest of gear, as it wouldn't do to crash down with my precious laptop and the camera so they went separately, like parents do when afraid the plane will go down leaving chizlers behind to fight it through life alone.
Believe me, some chizlers do well without the bosses who go down!  Maybe more should.

well this plane did not go down, so my chizlers (chis) were happy as i sped off at a slow pace.
the roads were not good.
but i am fearless and took it easy, not a lot of the natives around, a few abandoned cars and one with hazard lights on and not a person in sight.
I got to twino, avoiding a saucer toboggan in the middle of the road, the blue one belonging to VERY indulged twin boys on my twin's avenue.
twin looked well, prepared.
Saffi looked well...prepared to commit suicide by van, as she skirted around, annoyingly as i tried to reverse and park sensibly, a act the brat was determined to wreck.
she had frozen fur and frozen globules in it.
my twin had plastic bags on her feet, yes prepared.
i was unprepared for a violent reaction to my outing, i was on verge of sicking up.
a pleasant meal was produced by twin so i began to feel better.
then the Wrecker came into play, and she wrecked it as only she can, the wired, no brainer who was determined to 'brain me out' and she did.
i left, brained out in confusion and disarray, my brain bombed by a pesky Saffi, whom i wish would grow up fast, if at all.
so with the snows and the snarls i forgot the state of the nation.
I wonder why?
a freudian slip or error?
no, i had nation amnesia and it happens often in my brain these days, it can get serious for long periods of time, but dont worry i see a very nice neurologist followed by a very nice psychologist on the 1st December.
alas 'nation amnesia' is not a speciality of theirs.

so whilst the population is depleted due to winter cold and the wrecker is around and the Wrecker (gov) is also there the state of the nation is the least on my mind.
I have swollen glands, pain, freezing birds to think about.
i willingly let the nation try to solve itself without my intervention.
by my track record, i doubt if i would be a great deal of help so while others deal with nits, i will deal with tits.
when i feed small nuts to smaller birds, will someone feed the bigger nuts to the lions?
much appreciated.

How fickle is the 'blogger's community!'

This is a REAL question and poses the question on the word of 'Fickledom.'
You leave your county for less than two days, take a break and the world goes on nicely without you.
so my question now is, who are the 'hitters?'
do they dance when the mouse is away? and dance off to some other blog to see if it is juicy and entertaining and leave the last one on the x-blog list of bloggers.
Actually partly true and partly - true.
I come back too to no snow and within a day i have heaps.  Yes, sweeps and sweeps of sparkling white for my long suffering eyes.
Lets hope now that i am back the bloggers will do the same.
Priority takes reign.
1) that damn avenue...lunatic style i sweep it with a yard brush and discovered that a large boot does just as good, the action has to be precise - you do so from left to right in a large arc in front, you hold the broom tight and when the left foot does swish one way you repeat with the right.

That is done, the blood is moving, the lower back has loosened up and all is reasonably well with my foot path and the clunky booty slippers are intact as well.

2) salt, well one wee pot as a left over for i will not add salt to  my diet is found and its effort was - helpless and caused a giggle!

3) the birds.
for this you require your trousers, Yes, dressing gown and large boots saw the path pristine, but legging it up to raised bed needed said trousers.
whatever it is about the angle at 6am in the morning when its up to your ankles in snow and its a Saturday.
One must be prepared for all eventuality like CCTV which i am told are everywhere by my neighbours, who make the little oldies of the 'valley of the squinting windows' seem small and catholic compared to the men with the spy cameras everywhere.
Am i paranoid, no.  they are everywhere!
anyway the raised bed ledge gets swept with the foot, i step up and remove a feeder to fill and the water basin. it gets turned upside down to remove, snow.
i decided that it was not prudent to walk the wall on this occasion so down i get and walk the yard, a few paces and up the other end of the raised bed to check that feeder there.
(good exercise for the knees)

this point you discover that you are as sick as you ever were.  the sweat is pouring out, the hands are on fire, the skin is dry and my head is buzzing.
well i guess its enough the mood has brightened.
you fight on, literally.
all the bird feeders get cleaned (fungus mould et al kill the wee ones so counter productive feeding to expire).
they all get filled with dry meal worms, nigyer seed and pin oats.  all i had.
the peanuts will go out later as their feeders are grand.
what happened next was a delight and a sight.
we had mayhem, the same kind really that had been occurring but with higher numbers and more aggressive behaviour,
beaks are sharp no matter what size, wings are weapons and feet are talons even on house sparrows.
we are snowing birds here, absolutely.
crammed into the small yardenette the shit should be mighty once discovered when the snows melt.
One silly nut of a starling landed on the stem of a withered water barrel plant, tall, thin and with an advantageous view.
but then i saw it keel, ever so slowly over and the bird didnt quite know what to do, i guess the ice had iced his poor little nut brain, and finally it gave up and flew, all such time as i laughed as i watched this mini circus.
dogs fed next.
ann fed last, (in proper order).
humidifier taken from bedroom to sitting room and back.
Ann is back in bed, dogs are asleep, the birds seem full in belly and are roosting somewhere, and i am worried, i am to collect my meds today and the roads are not good, believe me they are not!
blog watchers back please and soothe a bored woman who has nothing much to do at present bar blogging, which actually i thoroughly enjoy.
will i turn on the radio now and be fuddled back to dire depression or do i listen to the bird brains outside the window, the roosting period has shortned as with daylight hours and we have a hitchcock scene outside again..