Sunday, December 5, 2010

A very ordinary life!

I have come to the conclusion that Life is 'ordinary.'  consider the young and when we were so.
the dreams, aspirations, hopes and prospects were many.  Limitations were there on education, money and stuff like that, but all had the dreams and imagination and all had potential.
No one set out to be any different than Good, honest, and worthy but most of all LOVABLE.

who achieved even half of that?
when you got the education, did you also get your dream or your Love?
If you got the Love, did you get the education and the kids and all the rest of the dreams and longings and hopes.
No.  you got one, or two or three or four, and along the way you picked up the disappointments, an ability to live despite altruism at youths enthusiasm.
most of the exciting prospects and hopes died into pretty much sameness, a gentle process of assimilating whats known as 'the good, the bad and the ugly.'
Who would want to change stuff now, say twenty years on, or even when one has past the school gates after three years finish?
What would you change if you could?
Do you actually think it was a changeable situation or other?
Most possibly we all would have wished in retrospect to change stuff a lot but life plays out for everyone, pretty much the same.
you try your best through sometimes hard and tragic life events.
you may have got the education and money but not the Love and the Children and you may have had children and started to ask yourself 'what was the point of wishing for that?' and 'now what?' syndrome.
If we get another syndrome in here it would be hard to pass life through without another anyway, for most.
Its an ordinary life FOR ALL.
I achieved good things, i have not a doubt.
I have never relinquished my love and respect for the elderly and my love and determination for the twin sister and i to live possibly the last decade well and peacefully.
I have increased my appreciation for life, nature, animals and learning the art of 'trying always' to do my best.
What can i not turn back the clock on?
"Personality and Character" are but two.
"No Love and no children" has to be two definitely.
but can i change it now?  No.  A very strong 'no' as much as you might want.
I am proud for my achievements though sometimes considered small, learning to drive at 53 and now driving an adapted van to take a mobility scooter.
I am proud i tried not to fail those i would hated to, and proud i am still here to see beauty and nature and watch on into a world i never fully understood even a bit, but still what can you see and take joy in when religious ethos has failed you and you will just rely on any good Lord to look after and upon you and take a chance in the Lord, even though an agnostic.
Nothing in Life or Death is a 'given'
On a lighter note when Awnyah has done with the Phillo, i had a grand day indeed.
On wakening i saw my wren return to my 'yardenette,' the first this winter and he had deserted me during the summer and i am none too pleased with him for doing so. (it could have been a she actually)!
despite the vast array of feasts on the table he/she chose to cling the wall and look for the 'real, red blooded things' the blood sucker wren he is!  Pecking away at holes at the poor suckers hiding from the cold, and it was very cold.
I checked the cold frame and most of my cuttings are surviving it, and i whacked heaps of snow off the planters that have bulbs for the next season.
My pink tree has found a corner and placed at its feet are my Feet, the little pink pomps i wore at my neps wedding, lovely ones i dressed up with feathers and sequins and very nicely if i say so too.  i had taken them out of the pink box i placed my pink tree on and knowing that i shall walk soon from here i placed em on the top of the tree stand, to keep firm the tree, to keep firm my faith in myself.

there is a star on top of the white tree, the bigger, there are twinkling stars outside my hall door as i type.  and a spray on the purple door all saved from last year.
Preps are on now for the Vibe, as Anto says he ain't getting any yet, we have a 'depression' on a grand scale here in the holy isle of Eire!
We shall have a Depression on mega style after Monday as the anxiety fueling impending budget promises to be one hell of a humdinger for the least well off too.
that includes the twino and I and doesn't include most of the rest of the tribe.
right back to the good things in Life.
Twin and I went to a craft fair, in the city.
Off we set as we thought the roads reasonable, some were not!
 We parked the flower covered vano outside the exhib hall, bang outside!
down came the ramp back as everyone watched a spectacle we both have to get used to.
the Scooter came out and the wheelchair was put together, the two old disabled people of yesteryear youth helped each other 'assemble' and close up the transporter, Spock style and off we drove, 'zoom em in' down style.
what happened next was the awe bemusement for the watchers.
Firstly we got got price in!
that good in recession times, enough for a coffee, yep all of two euros, but beggars cannot be....
and i moved off, twin whipped her stick from the back carrier of my scooter, hooked the handle into the carrier flap and i pulled her along, tram or train fashion, now thats a spectacle!
it was good, slow, interesting and i have to say I was mighty impressed at HOME GROWN ARTS&CRAFT 'Real QUALITY,'  every year we improve and mature in our rich inheritance of inventiveness and creativity.
the visual arts were not necessarily our finer point but the arts and crafts definitely were.
I asked at stands how the business was, and most said, very down.
one woman i had a gift from via the twino one christmas was standing at ultimate quality pottery ware.  She told me it was her 18th show and feels it will be the last, very few are stopping by at the height of her career i feel.  Her work was GOOD, she featured in a Nationwide programme a good few years ago, she was sad.

I was sad.
Also on show was a showy largesse of wealth as well, we are not without money as the fashion of the women was rich and grand, the money was not short there and a lovely wooly hat was going for 45E how i would love but i bought my E6 keyring - very pricey but nice, but still..very pricey for a keyring!
I bought a necklace and a wee gift for a very kind lady.
I was given a free gift from another kind lady of yesteryear for whom i worked.
Indeed i was her first Card Artist and still some of my work is on their stand, so many years later!
she remembered me, i had forgotten her name and still do!
she gave me a pack, free of my own designs still there and i gave her a print of my designed christmas card this year!
she said i had not lost it!
nope, one doesn't, it just changes.
She gave me decorative tissues too, i guess to wipe nicely the tears of disappointment and loss but with a nice flower on them and so i wipe snot in a decorative way.
We had a coffee and two cakes, which twin went and got, thank God and paid for! Good Woman!  We had a great chat with a 'sitter outer' letting the wife do the walking.
we talked about the science behind how men HATE shopping!
i had seen a scientific programme from the Beeb on it being a biological fact and real rather than laziness.
men can physically feel sick, anxious and have heart attacks over the prospects of big anxiety making shopping sprees as this was, with a lot to loose, via the wife!
A wee hat for E45 and a key ring for E6, when the depression hits, lets hope people and workers do not continue to loose the run of themselves, and think down to the lesser able shopper, and if you sell 10 things for less and sold five for half how would you feel at the profit margins on that one, after the budget!!
Then to the pub, jaded, cracked jaded and in pain and sleepy, the roads loosing the run of itself by beginning to ice over as detected in the whirr of my wheels.
the van wheels.
As a line of bus waiters watched with amusement and disbelief two disabled persons of yesteryear, pack up again in grand and swift fashion and head out, their entertainment was over for the day, we were OFF and their bus had arrived!
Pub, we got in by a breath, at 3.59pm i told twin to get out at the traffic lights and grab a turkey dinner while i parked.
we were the last dinner customers as the counter was closing as twin sticked it up to them.
i sticked in after (walking sticks) and we sat down with other sticks too!
its a Stick pub and very much so, so we feel welcome and at home. the cheer does not leave a stick club in a depression!
we had a grand meal and a mean fantastic chocolate sponge, soggy and soaking with ooozz of black sticky runny chocolate, with two blobs of  veined red white ice cream and chocolate is scientifically proven to improve the mood and atmosphere in a persons brain.
our atmospheres were improved and soothed and so belly filled and belly up we moved on and i deposited twin to her best friend saffi, and then returned to mine the chihuahaus, printed off some  christmas cards, stuck em on card the twino gave and so we had a good day, short window but good.
and i have the name of the bird i shot -with camera yesterday.
A Mistle thrush, a fine fine bird.
Twin now has repaid me in kind for the taxi to Beaumont neuro department! She filled the tank with petrol and boy that has gone up too!
and i wish all the choc feeling as i snuggle.

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