when HSE and state kills a good person - she will say how she feels

I awaken this morning with the same sickness within my soul.

I wake with bewilderment, thrying to make sense of the past ten years all the while knowing those ten years are gone and they are never going to be returned to me.

I wake also knowing that even before arriving here in Greystones, my awareness of progressive diseases meant that each new year would and did see me sicker than the year in passing.

But i have to look at this now in utter shock, suffering its effects to me and my twin sister and i actually cannot make sense of it at all.

When i came to Greystones, all knew within the HSE that i was escaping profound trauma already,  was escaping alcoholics, a bad housing placement, danger and anti-social behaviour.

What all, also knew was i had been in fact a very fragile and vulnerable person since the day i was born.

The fact that most of this history is on medical files and HSE files doesnt seem to have impacted on the personnel closely attached to the last area of residence as they come under the same managerial umbrella.

I left a county i never left in my entire life.  I left in trauma and against my wishes, i left when totally abandoned by the state both the healthcare services and the local authority housing services.

I effectively was abandoned at a time of great need by all.

The abandonment and extremes of abandonment are noted in Cllr. Pat Kavanagh’s missive to the Hse, that i had been very badly served and horrendously so in recent times by the HSE.

The effects on me is marked.

How can a state body, professing to care, be a health caring and safety upholding entity rubbish and vilify such a person as myself, with known brain damage, known vulnerability and sustain the attack for so long, unabetted irregardless of its reprecussions.

How can a state body for instance in this witch hunt, for that is what this was, manage to brandish me a person who is naieve, frail, elderly and sick as some kind of demon rather than turning around and having some sensitivity over the loss of my home, my home town and community and my brave efforts trying to start all over, when so ill with a neurodegenerative disease.

How can the state do this, knowing that what i was attempting was highly unexpected, unusual and i was doing so alone, alongside an equally sick twin sister.

What was the duty of care and when and how did it go out the window to be replaced with the strong arm of legalese to defend the indefensible.

How can a once fragile individual, shy, nervous but who loved people and tried to help all who were less able suddenly turn into some kind of horned devil?

How could the state perpetuate this myth and allow all its members to act upon this premise rather than reining in the groupthink and saying ‘stop’  which should have occurred a long time ago.

I had deserved as you had too to enjoy the time on earth that is so very precious, its never coming back once its over.

For the past ten years i have fought a mighty organisation, and the fight was unseemly, degrading and physically and psychologically damaging and injurous.

Did the state care that they were defaming a person of good character, trying to twist distress which i was in an obvious way very distressed into some kind of character defect?

Knowingly the state decided to abandon me.

They withheld care at every turn.  All care.

The HSE will fight this tooth and nail.  They claim that we have received the best of professional skilled care.

Can you cite where and when this occurred because i do not see it presently or in the past ten years.

Name calling and defamation is not a professional skilled approach to me or my care.

Bullying and harrassment prolonged and protracted is in fact against human rights and amounts to degrading and inhumane treatment and torture.

Bullying me to make changes to a property is inhumane treatment and against the law.

So too is bullying me into handing back a mobily scooter when no policy actually stated i ever had to, especially as i had maintained it out of my own money.

Bullying me and harrassing me to enter the mental health system against my will, is actually torture and against our fundamental rights, especially when all knew upholding the fact that i was of sound mind, didnt mean i had to be coerced at every turn to get back into the state system of mental health oversight.

This is bullyboy tactics and torture.

We had the withdrawal of services, and the denial of services.

We had the state take all my securities away which is both lack of forsight and also verging on an evilness second to none.

Because of the gross state interference i have lost so much.

Not only have i lost the quality of life i should have had once my twin returned from the UK, i lost her treasured company for happy times now.

What turned out to be a period of my life which i deem the most horrendous i have ever had to endure.

I saw the HSE as an agitator, an attacker on an individual which went uncensured from any source whatsoever.

Such attack was unwarranted.

The attack also emcapsulated punishment, for the punishment to me, for not capitulating to the heavy handed demands of a person i was never to meet who decided something about my property which i fought.

This actually was my right, but i have been severely punished.

I have yet to have any consisency of care if any care really.

I have been denied any type of meaningful physiotherapy, denied help in sorting a surface to sleep upon thus depriving me of sleep which is again a system they used in guantanemo.

I did no wrong!

In fact no one would have to have helped me to this level if they hadnt interferred in Dun laoghaire leaving me penniless.

That property that was small and inherited was to be my twin sister and my security against adversity, that has now gone, due to state interference.

What has happened now is that i am entirely reliant on the state whereas at one point i could have remained sufficient and self sufficent which meant i could be without such intense oversight by the Hse.

Virtually, my life would have been my own, not taken over lock stock and barrel by a seething HSE officialdom who now believe they have personal rights over my psyche, my life, my quality of life and are determined to twart my happiness at every turn.

But leaving me alone in the first instance, would have meant that the hse would have saved themselves thousands upon thousands in monetary terms and would have left me, as an individual intact in self esteem, financially secure and able to manage for the future.

What happened now has been detrimental to both parties.

But one was longing for all this to end.

All i had wanted was care.

All i had receive was anihilation at every turn.

Leaving two sisters profoundly traumatised.

But does it leave the Hse in such a state.  No.

The state you see, upholds its own.

So they can attack during the day and turn into a sweet little family man or woman having barbeques in the garden with extended family or going sailing, swimming or lanquish on a beach without a care iin the world.

What you have left behind is two women in tatters, in shreds and then of course you get into your car and return to your office to resume pretty much, more of the same.

Attack unabated.

I am up to my ears still in copious files, all of which show page after page of unbelievable prejudices, dafamation, cruelity and data breaches and slander.

Its a pile of staggaring documentation of what a huge organisation is very capable of.

But remember come five o’clock you return to the normalised world of the average.

You return to your own family and would never dream of cooking up such shit to them, ever.

But its ok to do it with the backing of a full legal team and in some instances i believe you enjoyed it.

Watching margaret and i suffer must have felt like just rewards to some kind of vindication of your action.

To me its gross.

To me its humanity at its very worst, and also state sanctioned.

Although the HSE seems to be able to hide behind a shroud of legalise, they cannot hide behind the constitution, the fundamental rights which we have signed up to and the policies of the state directives to offer care and healthcare to its people.

One thing you will never be able to run from is from women who say it as it is.

What you have done to my twin sister and myself is an evil.

I do not mince my words.

What has happened here has been a grave injustice because margaret and i are peaceable people.  Kind people and many have said this and documented this.

We had wanted to be at peace, we wanted to enjoy the end of our days, we never envisaged such sustained attack from a state body and we never envisaged day after day for almost ten years attempting to get best practise and attemping to right a wrong, a grave wrong.

Some day the HSE has to say to itself.  We didnt behave well in all of this.

The day you manage to say this, then healing will occur.

Certianly waking this morning i woke knowing we are at midsummer, and in the very same position as we were in ten years ago.

In a personal hell and agony.

This can be rectified, but will you begin the process please.

i have something, this time to say through video

help us stop the abuse in ireland, ann speaks in video format

when the expert professional has been caught with his knickers around his ankles

it is the only way to live, not subjected to abuse consistently and be disempowered.....

I WAS ENTERING A DAWN OF CREATIVITY WHEN STUNTED BY THE IRISH HEALTHCARE SYSTEM.

vive la difference!

Looking back in time an occasion happened three years ago that opened my eyes on Irish ‘progress.’

The mental health system has been struggling.  The ‘Vision for Change’ to which i was an expert withness and contributor  never got off the ground.  Each new year sees more and more taken from the budgets of mental health in ireland and also sees crisis in the services for younger adults, troubled teenagers and also adults who are sucidal and mentally unwell.

There is little being done, if nothing at all.

Pharmacology remains the root of all the evils in terms of getting people back on track, it remains the only option open when across the globe recognition that many of these medications are not only dangerous, injurous to long term physical health, leads to violent tendencies and shootings in America (see Dr. Paul Breggin), is of little therapeutic value if any at all. 

Even as we speak, anti-depressants are viewed by many experts as nothng short of placebos and fob offs.

The pharmaceutical industry is triving on the backs of very sick people and the list of ‘mental health “diseases” rises all the time.

For instance, grieving for a departed relative is now classed in some instances as a disease/disorder.

Children not being able to sit still as ADHD when in fact they may be too bright to be able to sit in a boring classroom when they should be given more stimulation.

They also do not get the chance to ‘run wild’ physically as once we used to be able to do.

So society is changing.

The thinking behind mental illness and disease is shifting drastically from the pathological to the emphatic, but the stigma is getting stronger and the pharmaceutical industries are being relied on far more than ever before.

There are more dumbing down medications and less of any efficacy at all.

So while the thinking is growing apace with modernity, the age old standards of antiquated methods remains and are increasing at an alarming rate, including the use of ECT which is barbaric in my view.

When thinking sees that security, love, less abuse and bullying, more empathy  and more productive activity and self confidence building would allievaite a tremendous amount of the levels of pain of the psychological/mental kind today in the world.  No one is putting in place ways and means to bring about this holistic structure and care.

Popping a pill remains so easy, the patient then is virtually ‘out of it’ and by default, out of society and has been labelled which will remain with that individual to the day he/she dies.

it is the only real way to live, not be subjected to abuse and disempowerment, consistently.

In ireland today i have been long out of the mental health services, but was deeply entrenched for decades.  I was to all intent and purposes vulnerable and remain so, but todays thinking as above would have gone a long way and when it came, i blossomed out of the ethos and the prejudice to be able to hold myself high in confidence and join the world that frightened me so much.  I have alot to be thankful for and love being now, part of the world.

But then, back then we were still in an economic stalemate,  the whole state was held in a paralysis of stagnation and nothing was moving forward towards becoming a modern way at all.

The mental health services relied on mediation, containment, but no real therapies or constructive involvement with people ever took place.

It was in fact quite destructive.

Group therapy sessions had a group of the unwell, the least able and also the depressed for very minor and some major life events, but none really were so unwell that they could not function, many were very intelligent, articulate, had children and were functioning.

MAKE NO JUDGEMENTS

What wasnt done for us distressed was enlightened ways around whatever got us in this situation in the first place.

Group therapy relied on the participants to pick holes on each there in that circle.  It was uncomfortable and negative.

People were queried why they had odd socks on – which today even professors manage to get away with but not so if you were in the mental health system in the 70’s.

Why did a poor art college student have one single ear ring rather than two – this took up a full hour of debate and arguement between the psychiatrist and the patient, me!

This obviously had a deeper meaning other than i was too poor to get both done at the same time and had doubled up with an art college student friend and we shared the cost.

The debate raged as i a young person was pitted against the unreasonable arguements placed by the psychiatrist but none the less we know whose opinion would have won on that day.

People who never were married were pitching at another woman who complained constantly about the state of her marriage.

We, as young people should not be in a position of such power as to tell this woman to get a divorce, which i told her to do.

This is wrong.  This was actively encouraged.

The woman who complained so openly about this marriage needed marriage guidance, not a troubled young person telling her to divorce the man she obviously had a grudge against.

Also exercises were designed in such a way as to denegrate one individual over and above another.

Asking each patient to put themselves in a line, againts the person you feel more fortunate to in the ‘depression’ or ‘mood’ stakes means that the one who ends at the end of the line, feels the damning judgement that they are by all accounts the most sick, the least happy and the most helpless, whereas the schizophrenic, who ended at the top of the line was the happiest, but possibly the sickest!

LOVING AND BEING EMPHATIC IS CALLED BEING HUMAN, NOT ANYTHING ELSE.
LOVING AND BEING EMPHATIC IS CALLED BEING HUMAN, NOT ANYTHING ELSE.

This is a type of ideal far from perfect and it was degrading.

Each day for hours on end, the group of mentally ill patients then did what was called ‘industrial therapy’  in other words, factory work.  (i remain unconvinced that the vast majority of us were nothing more than sane with issues needing addressing).

We had there many individuals who had been to university and college and many who were journalists, business men and of high callibre, all in one type of work of packing three black plastic bags inot one labelled bag and thrown then into a large box for collection by the company at the end of the day or week.

For this we got paid no more than 50 shillings a week, thats half a pound note in them days.

What happened to this money?

Well i was the only one allowed out of the building during the day there.  So i gathered all this up and got everyone their cigarettes, their sweets and whatever at the corner shop.

It didnt go unnoticed to the staff either that crisis occurred all too often.

Penning in people without anyway out, either of the mental anquish nor their physical constraints of a small house in an estate labelled a ‘day centre’ led them and me to desperate boredom, monotony and anxiety.

 We barely knew each other and because we knew where we were, the depression we went there for to get help with (and were not getting that help) made it worse for us, knowing we were in a mental health care facility, indefinitely.

  The relentless despair was palpible and explosive behaviours against both injustice by others naming us either in group therapy or doing stupid exercises got to us in a major way.

One day i was informed that seven of the patients that day had managed to take a blade or other sharp instruement to themselves and causing blood to be drawn, myself included.

Is this heathy?

Was it.

It most certainly was not.

But three years ago after decades away from this archiac and demeaning environment, i went and had to go to the psychiatrist locallly in order to be referred to psychology.

The sway of the shrink in ireland is vast, remains incredibly steady and incredibly strong, so labelling is about as much as you get and this is accepted.

The general forms of ordinary behaviours are always pathologisted by these professionals, always without a shadow of doubt they have lost their way to seeing normality at play.

I duly got to the place, the door was locked and opened from the reception and i was let in, only to be locked in after i passed the treshold.

I was early so i wandered about, to a vast cavernous area akin to a warehouse with tressle tables.  Absolutely no comforts at all, none.

Its was the most run down institutionalised shed i have ever seen for the sick and forgotten.  these people there today were elderly.

It was ghastly.    This was the uninviting, dismal, pathetic effort  called mental health care and it was degrading and outdated and poor in extreme.

I then went to sit in a small waiting room.  A young girl came in and sat down and opened a book.

She was out of her tree on medication, she had head bent over the opened pages and the eye lids were closing as she appeared not to be able to keep them open.  Basically every few minutes she was falling asleep.

There was no way she was going to read that book.

She was drugged too much.

A male nurse came in and called out her name cheerily, the lady looked up in slow motion as if not to either see, understand or even hear.  But she was young and pretty and i do not feel was intellectually incapacitated, just too drugged to have normal responses and reflexes to the stimulation that her name being called required.

‘here mary!’ cheerily, ‘here mary is your morning medication!’  cheerily. 

I watched in utter horror as more drugs were poured into her cupped hands and she was helped to lift that hand to her mouth by the nurse, and with his other hand, he poured water from a plastic cup down her throat.

One pill fell on the floor, he picked it up and gave it to her.

Surely to god she had enough to keep her zonked for the day that was in it, rather than pile on more?

Reasoning here was not evident.

I was so appalled i had to get out of that room and back to the cavournous metal shed with tressle tables, endless tressle tables.

I came across two people opposite each other, an older lady and an older man.

I looked closely at small boxes all around them and to my shock/horror staggering disbelief the elderly gentleman was picking up a sanitary towel one by one and putting them in these small boxes. 

A man in his late 60’s or early 70’s who could have gone his whole life leaving the ‘women’s affairs, ‘ to the women is now face to face with items of course, he knew from his life but was handling items that were taboo in irish culture as ‘unclean’ and probably still is in many parts of ireland today.

I had had enough and seen enough.

I was long out of mental health care with indeed an apology given for ever being there, but this was not going to give me my life back and all i had lost and time wasted in this regime.

I still remained to see this psychiatrist that day.

BE VERY CAREFUL OF WHAT COMES OUT OF THE SHADOWS - especially - THOSE HOLDING THE POWER IN THEIR HANDS

I saw him, a dashing hansome guy with golden skin and longish hair.   This is the man i have watched at the public health centre who had the charisma of jesus over the women sitting in a row to see him for their five minutes and have their mediations topped up.  The look of those women, their adoration, their hearts missing beats was obvious.  The draw to the shrink is very strong in Ireland and there are elements of love from patient to doctor which still isn’t being discouraged, the doctors love this type of sick adoration and its endemic.

But when i saw this man, far younger than i, for the first time on that day in the shed i was enraged by half an hour wandering around and lost the plot enough to tell him i thought we had all moved on from the dreadful days of the 70’s.  Alas we had not it seems and i was expressing my anger especially about the drugged young lady and the older man packing sanitary wear for mentrating women!

He asked me in all honesty did i need a course in anger management.

As he leaned towards me i also leaned towards him and announced, ‘i think you will find that a course in up to date clinical therapy from your end is needed, not my anger management course.’

‘i think you will note from the tone of my voice that i am angry at what you are making these people do and take all that medication, even a decade after i personally was subjected to this outmoded method of so called mental health care which i had though had become at least more sophisticated.’

Stuff the doctor i flew out of the building and never forgot the actually pathologising of anger from a woman who had her eyes wide open that day.

This is so easy.  You do it though the descriptive narrative of believing anyone who is angry and is facing a shrink must need anger management, instant.  So instant it can be said in ten minutes, whe the indivudal is angered by what she had seen and rightly so.

Anger management is suggested after a far longer period of time of knowing a person, not in ten minutes.

Its also akin to another professional stating after even less a period, ‘aah no, she doesnt have Asperger syndrome.’  This woman was a pyschologist who attended one meeting at the time, and saw me for no longer than fifteen minutes, but who never knew me, my history or where i had received this diagnosis.

She just spat that out as her expert clinical judgement, which was to stand over and above a professor of trinity college dublin while she was stuck in a situation in a village setting where her role would not be normally to either diagnose or treat or care for anyone in the primary care sector who had an autism spectrum issue.

Inhumane and degrading treatment in Ireland is pervasive, and spans from the time of the instigation of the state.

There is no way forward yet, in modern thinking around pathology, disease, mental health issues or equality.

A person is very much what the professional will decide.

The decision can take as quick as ten minutes and last a lifetime.

Certainly no  one escapes once in mental health services.

The docuemntation on an indivdiual in the mental health services today is kept for longer than a murderer.

Yes, this is true.  The files have to be kept until you have reached 70 at least or dead.

THE DAY YOU FLY FREE IS THE DAY YOUR OWN SPIRIT SOARS.  NEVER ALLOW ANOTHER TAKE FROM YOU ALL YOU KNOW OF YOURSELF, EVER.

You can walk away from the mental health services and get then proper help and begin knowing who you are finally and how to conduct your life in a mature manner, even if limited fashion as in having asperger and profound/severe hearing loss. 

You still can be a fully fledged human being in your own eyes, you can hold responsibility and you take this with pride.  You show care and empathy to the least able and you work for community as best you can at all times.

But behind closed doors, many professionals who have opinions are making these very openly even if they never see you as has been the case, have only met you once,  and that is then sort of sent by zip wire, ‘findlater style’ along all the branches of the weightiest healthcare system in europe, the most dysfunctional one and the most dangerous.

There is no way back if you live in Ireland with a healthcare service hell bent in making you out to be who you most definitely are not.

There is no way back either when these giants get in on your life and decide for you against your wishes all manner of things.

There is no where to hide, and no equality of arms for justice.

You will remain a speck, a piece of shit for the rest of your days, even if you are far more honest, accountable for your good character and personality, trustworthy and a helpful citizen.   If the irish healthcare system do not like you attempting being equal eg the consultants can get rid of you or the primary care teams can label you.

The day you face an irish healthcare official with these words, ‘no i will not.’  Or ‘why will YOU not.’ Is the day you start to land in deep water.

They dont like it.

Nor did the psychiatrist like me say that the emperor was wearing no clothes.

When you remind them of all this, they become heated and judgemental.

Its sort of the reactive force of the Irish dynamic and usually only happens those they know they can attack.

If they feel they will be compromised by opposition, they shut up and say nought.

Certainly a single Irish older lady is no more or is also less meaningful than the clinical professional and is easy fodder for abuse and bullying.

I AM ENTERING THE DUSK OF DAYS UNDER THE HEAVY WEIGHT OF THE IRISH HEALTH CARE SYSTEM - HAS ANYTHING REALLY CHANGED AT ALL?

Believe me i know more than the clinical professional who has only just been caught with his knickers around his ankles.

THE HARDEST CRUELTY IS TO WATCH ANOTHER STRUGGLE AND YOU LOVE HER AND FEEL HELPLESS, ALL BECAUSE OF PAIN OF THE DIRE SERVICES SHE IS RECEIVING ON TOP OF THE NEGLECT AND ABUSE FROM THOSE MANDATED TO CARE.

HSE, arts award & photography

THE ONLY THING YOU CAN REALLY DO - IS -
'PRAY FOR IRELAND'

I am 63yrs of age, i am loaded down with the cares of my life, my disabilities in a tiny country.

WHEN RIGHTS ARE NOT UPHELD IN OUR STATE

ITS NEVER PRETTY TO LAY YOUR COUNTRY BARE IN ANOTHER JURISDICTION - ITS NOT WHAT I EVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE DOING

SUCH AN EARLY START - TO DUBLIN TO HEAR WHAT GENEVA HAD TO SAY ON IRISH HUMAN RIGHTS.   WE HAVE TO KNOW...I HAD NO WHERE TO PUT MY HEAD, I FELT GREY

all here who are sick feel utterly abandoned.
this i am well aware of, i have enough telling me their stories to know something is very wrong here.
it just seems to take on a life of its own.
torture would be the word i would use.
just torture.
yet another story from Sligo of a woman speaking of how she feels so broken trying to get help for her disabled young boy.  left by all as useless, worthless, blind and unable to go to school or out of a wheelchair, the lady is a strong individual who felt all so differently.
today the child is walking with the help of neurosurgery in the USA.
today the child can see, thanks again to surgery
today the child is not intellectually disabled, but normal.  in all things normal as opposed to be so poorly disabled worst case scenerio was laid down for the parents.
not so, but in Ireland so little is being done now, they will say there is nothing that can be done.

OUR RECORD ON HOW WE THREAT THOSE WITH DISABILITIES, HAS TO BE THE WORST IN THE EUROPEAN UNION

NOWHERE TO PUT YOUR HEAD, THE WHEELCHAIRS ARE INSUFFICIENT FOR OUR TYPE OF DISABILITY.

the HSE is able to provide a stand up frame, which the Dad welded and painted, but not a walking trainer, as the child needs.
the boy has got his new school clothes and lunch box but cannot get to school now as he would need two care assistents there and the HSE say they cannot provide.
the child cannot be with his peers to learn his letters, math and to socialise.
he needs a 'child protection' adult as second carer for toileting.
how on earth did we manage before child protection came in?
certainly i didnt and i was abused without any one bothering at all.

although its not so bad that i wasnted to be die as the young lady in Holland (i disapprove of her being put to sleep like a dog, because of her personal invasion by an abuser).  All need help.

but life is changing for everyone.
no one has the time to bother or care, and yet the invasiveness of 'all else' in our lives is evident.
the only way they will not get involved is in a positive manner.

but they will get involved.
kill you and persuade you you are fecking useless.
they will ban you from school for protection, but fail to see a triving child is one who meets his own kind and lives in life not shut away protected from all harm.

they will interfere in your home as they did to me, stating that I MUST do such and such to it, in order to receive state aid, this isnt true actually.  we are all disabled, but as with the state it gets too involved in lives.

all states around the world seem to think that to interfer in a person's life is always for the good of that person.
it usually turns out to be for the very worst.

i can clearly state here, the day i met the HSE , that is our healthcare system, is the day i personally died.
in so many ways i died.
my life wasnt my own.
i couldnt make decisions, couldnt hold my head up high, be proud of my achievements, be responsible for my own first home and be responsible for deciding how i should live out the rest of my days.
there seems always another who tells me that i have to do it 'just so.'

but if you are healthy, this isnt the case.
its actually against the law to interfere in peoples affairs, if you do not want them in your life.

but if you are sick, disabled, vulnerable, they can walk all over you.

the worst about this being, there is no redress in ireland.
the state has scuppered your chances of finding the justice you deserve.
the Human Rights Commission has been reduced funding by 35% since it was initiated two years ago, and in Geneva last week every state in the world congratulated Ireland for setting this up!

what do they know then?
do they know it contains so few resources it can hardly take a human rights case for the people of this state.
there is no pro bono arrangements for the poor, so they will never see justice.
there is no healthcare systems either.
they trash you in the hospitals and dump you in the street.  literally.  if you can afford to pay, you get to stay for the tests you need.
if they do not like you they write you off and today i heard i have been sacked by my neurologist!
yep, he is gone, or at least he tells me not in so many words.
i informed him i didnt want him writing to my GP.  he can write things that i do not find appropiate on my files, but what does he do, he writes to her against my wishes.
i object to this.
the fact that when i give permission, i give permission.  other than that, he didnt get my permission to write to her, but he did it anyway.

how is this country working.
well you can applaud us for the scenery because its fantastic.
all the rest you can forget about.
we are corrupt to the eyeballs.

i tried to carry on and have been doing a bit of photography and also applied for an Arts council award to make a film.
a mentoring award to keep me sane and productive in something wholesome that isnt health related or HSE related.

to destroy my soul, the essence of who i was and once thought of myself is evil.
they have to know this.
they have to understand that killing a person slowly by torture is wrong, anywhere in the world it is deemed wrong, this subtle type, the ones where they write stuff on files, interlink and groupthink about your personality, character and you have no recourse to stop it, is torture.
to deny you healthcare is wrong, if they do not like you in ireland that is what they do.

they simply do what the neurologist does, write against your wishes and state that 'the relationship has floundered'  well it certainly has when he has done nothing to advance the care i so badly need, how long do you have to put up with going to a consultant every six months year after year and nothing happening.
how long can anyone take that?
i can't and i lost the rag with him, because i tell him as it is, he doesnt like it.
but he can get rid of me just like that.
and we have so few neurologists in ireland that there are more in outer mongolia than here.
so i am chucked now without a neurologist in sight, without a specialist nurse for a rare disease, without anything in fact.
i am sick to the back teeth of bloody ireland, the land of saints and scholars, celebrating the centenary of our liberty.
we are not liberated but trapped in a vice of the evilness of our own to our own, not imperialists british anymore, our very own doing this to our own small population.
elder abuse in nursing homes has risen by 30 %.  the trolley crisis in A'E (ED) is worsening by the day.  the care is dangerous and stated so by the medical council of ireland.

MARGARET LISTENS TO EACH COUNTRY CHASTISE IRELAND ON ITS HUMAN RIGHTS - TO BE HONEST, I THINK RIGHTLY SO.

so what if the weather is shit and the country side is beautiful.
i am not saying in my blog anymore i am proud of ireland i am ashamed.
also ashamed of the EU which has let us down so badly that we find ourselves in debt and chucking our own onto the streets every day of week, we did not gamble the banks finances, they did that all by themselves.
the people in ireland did not know what was happening.
when the state tells us to put up, shut up about austerity that we did this to ourselves and have to pay our debts.
no we did not!
we were led up a large, windy path by the government and the bankers of the day, telling us how brilliant we were the richest country in the EU, celtic tiger my arse.
they were gambling and telling us one thing and knowning another, we were drowning in the shit done by the banks, against its own people, its called gambling with lives, all lives in ireland

my life included.
there are more people on the streets homeless since the foundation of the state.
more children going to school hungry
we are the last to sign the human rights convention on the rights of people with disabilities.
we are up to our ears in debt in our health service and the new government minister has said he wants free care for all under 18 and improve the food in the hospitals.
yet, we cannot attract doctors, nurses or specialists, our A'e are dangerous and most of the care is inadequate, most of our best brains have left, leaving us with those who want to stay close to their families and muddle along for a fair enough wage but they are not the cream of the crop, we dont have a crop anymore.
the dirth of specialists is dwindling daily as emigration to top centres continues apace.
so you would be afraid to be in ireland, the land of the saints and scholars.

we are the land Europe forgot, but not forgot to take our money we badly need, we are feeding a bank!
not our own children, not our own people.
we are paying a debt we didnt create as we didnt know what the banks were doing behind our backs.
we didnt bring this upon ourselves, most were sold porkies and wanted the best for ourselves, our own lives, we leave the high finance to those we entrusted to do that job.
so we didnt get invovled in high stakes gambling but it isnt them that are in jail, its those who do not pay their tv liscence in the prisons, no banker has been jailed for the ruination of this state.

and we are ruined now well past the time i part this world.
there is a great evil being done to our country right now.
from within and from the EU.
i hope with all my soul that the UK exit the Eurozone, i think its the only thing to do, break the conglomerate up and start afresh.
i want that.

SPEAKER FROM THE VATICAN STATE

AFTER A ROUND WE GET A CHANCE TO ANSWER

WE GET A CHANCE TO ANSWER

ORGANISED BY THE COUNCIL FOR CIVIL LIBERTIES IRELAND - DUBLIN CITY

A FIRST CHANCE TO SAY IT IN NIJMEGEN - THE STATE OF IRISH HEALTHCARE

MEET BROUGHT US TO HOLLAND, AND WE FLY THE IRISH FLAG, WE ARE PROUD IRISH, BUT ALSO SADDER IRISH FOR THE WAY THE STATE IS AT PRESENT