very few shades of colour in disability

you get simply one colour and it is called - TIRED...does it have its complete complimentary, yes, ALIVE.

and being disabled is just about as dead as you can get, inside.
but not because you are you...
...you can be VERY PROUD of 'you' but you can not be ALLOWED to be proud.

the most we get is wait for it and do not be alarmed...the most we get it...ABUSE.

there are many colours to this one we do know that.
the worst being, your word...that is, YOUR word.
are you believed if you say a reasonable statement in arguement, no.
are you considered sane often?  no.

the professionals can dress in any shirt or dress, they are a collective evil against equality.
they ban together like glue in order to support each other one with the other against...the individual, in this instance, the disabled.

how many disabled people are believed in a case of a health dispute?
if you say 'well, actually she left me without...'
'ah no she didnt, you are imagining that, ' or 'i believe my'  oh yes.

in other words, you are a pathological liar with murderous intent with violent tendencies, when even you raise your voice in distress.

when you raise your voice in distress, its called being 'abusive' in my country.

if you complain and ask for review on the person who wronged you the review gets twisted so badly it ends with, 'this review finds that in order to get...you have to apologise first!'
yes!
so someone may have said or done something to or against you as a disabled person and you put in a complaint, only to find that the review decided that you brought all this on yourself so if you want them there services, apologise and you will get em...

there is one thing i can say about my country ireland, it was born on the back of deceit and we lived and survived by wit alone, decades of it, since cave times, a little island going no where fast had to try to survive in the rise of the powers all around, how they did that was by back handers, sliming, deceit and in modern day, brown envelopes and back handers.
and the collective rounding on others to save face.

do i believe for instance that faith SHOULD BE PLACED with the HSE TO hold enquiries into what happened a young woman denied the right to abortion and so die, no i dont.
in a small part of ireland on the other side of the same country, a disabled person has been so demonised within a snuff of a request for review you would think that person is the devil incarnate.
if you think i say wrong here, you can ask for an eminent person in another country, as we say, an independent witness if i personally say wrong here, that person will say...no.
i have watched the process, and seen how bad it is becoming.
we are what we are, a vicious, conniving, self serving, grovelling little pest of a country who no more has honest peoples' lives in their heart than our friend who is frying down there in hell..that one with the horns and fire.

important to record

in the context of world change a person is only as truthful as the records they keep as life moves on...this way the truth is presented fresh at every recounting.
note taking is a guarantor that truth does not become distorted over time..
as long as you are truthful in the first place.

lets watch how note taking can go.....

how many times did the HSE discuss your adaptation grant with you...the circular amongst the professionals being that contact with awww was 17 times.

maybe so but what does awww say...she says, contact was made seventeen times..for what...the first was introduction to the area, followed by broken wheelchair followed by two broken scooters followed by a crashed van and so on and so on, also to try out the powered wheelchairs and to arrange the time of day and the day that all came so it could be done.

that makes 17...did you discuss the adaptation grant?
yes...how and when?
well i met the OT to discuss it.
did you discuss.
sort of.
what happened then...i said what i wished for to help me in the home...
do you think you were heard
no
why
she stayed about ten minutes and said she only ever did bathrooms and kitchens and she had not done them in a long time
out the door and a verbal recount with Dr. Raging Wheels
what has happened with the grant
well...i got it
has anything been done
no
why
 well they only ever did bathrooms so they demand i get a whack of a wet room
do you need it
no
i have other disabilities that could far better be served with this small amount of grant
ah so.
well nothing then
ah so.........er no..........nervous breakdown looming
regarding professional speak one has to be very precise and reasonable.
why do you need a wet room and twin never needed this and had two bathrooms escaping the glance of the OT on the trot
well see, you (that is me) have a neurodegenerative disorder your sister has parkinsons.
i kid you not!
ah yes soooo.
eh then, is parkinsons not a neurodegenerative disorder?
or did the note taking go a bit array and my neuro used the word 'degenerative' and her's
'parkinsons.
note taking accurately is so important but more useful if you tell the truth and have your facts right and actually know what you are talking about

my note taking today consists of
-rang the neurologist
rang the rheumy in London.  i get an answer from them, still waiting for the neurologist.
then i rang the health centre
will we go 'why?' again?
ah yes.
i collapsed;
i got no return call back
nor from the hse whom i also called
i went down to the health centre
they cannot do nothing about being unable to put in place my five hours a week home help/
i am funded with the funding for the under 65's and twin is funded from the fund for the over 65's/
i kid you not!
why
well.....heeeeeheeeee  heeee heee (wait for it)
she has parkinsons and i dont!!!
now if you are still with me and understand note taking and understand the above, please let me know.
i am now off to have the nervous breakdown with my chihuahuas on top of me and a one eyed teddy needing loving.
i am also saving on the electricity bills.......get a chihuahua or two, especially one that is prone to bite...a hse official.

being autistic is no crime

the day i realised i was autistic...today...pain people give me every waking hour i couldnt take it. weeping i wrapped up well and stepped into the garden...i went over to the swingseat, darkness all around, frosty air, stars and stars and stars...where did i go to? I went to a place of utter peace inside...everything was as it should be, the air whisked by, there were twinkles and dreamy all around, no sound bar hush and breeze, no real light of day, no sound of barking dogs or knowledge of a human within sight...i found who i am and always was...not for here amongst the humans, but amongst that of wonder...yesterday a long time friend, my only one really announced to me that she never knew anyone who had such a lust for life and seeing the best in just about everything, despite obvious hardship. i answered 'i love life' but i say here, i do not love human beings, especially those that are around me.
I adore the chihauhaus and the out of doors, these all are living, and its a part of that i belong to...not humans...i suddenly at 59 knew and felt the autistic i have been finally diagnosed with.