budget blah and woolly hats

SO much of this country is simply ...WRONG.

and being in the thick of depression as we are now people are actually beginning to do the 'step over him/her' trot.

Literally, its everyone for him/herself now and the feeling that its there, the feeling OF it, is sensed by everyone.

all are wrapped in envelopes of protection, against the world, yet in the world, for oneself and darn to everyone else in it.

a trash time to get the coppers mentality and a trash time of self pity too of 'i am having it real tough, no one understands how tough it is for me.'\
actually most do understand, but couldn't care less if you are or not.

we are walking away from hurt and pain and suffering of our fellow human beings instead of collectively shoring each other up in this time of need.

here is an example...i visit an elderly neighbour and find him wearing a woolly hat and no heating on...he is aged 97yrs old and recently out of hospital.

who will ever see this man as meaningful or purposeful or necessary now.
I do for one, and i do so cos i feel the suffering of being cold and being worried.

this man is iconic of Ireland ALL of ireland.  COLD.

brain dead and very cold.

and 'the woe is me' syndrome goes further.

i woke today dreading it.
i slept on the sofa until 4am, restless, depressed and physically in pain and mentally out of my brain with worry.

How can i manage on what i am expected to manage on?
You can tell people what you have and what you have not, no one will listen or acknowledge you or your own circumstances, they have their own.

you lie restless knowing there isn't anyone you can turn to, you have become isolated, weary and no amount of suffering will alert others to this fact.  they have their own.

so you don't go to bed.
you scream inside, yearning so badly to be relieved of the depression caused by worry.
you do not want those few hours, if you get them of release in sleep only to wake, realise you are suffering and then burst into tears, knowing a full day is ahead and pretty much as yesterday was and the next day and the next.

there was a film once called 'the glass menagerie'  i watched it as a young person on black and white tv.
it was about a young learning disabled girl who hit behind her four walls and collected crystal ornaments.  when i saw the film i suddenly 'knew her' and never forgot her.
this is why i visit the elderly and have done since aged 18.
there is something in everyone, even if to most is meaningless.

but on a personal level you know too, that you are indeed very much like the elder man and the younger lady.  there is a bit of me there on either end of the age continium.

dont forget who you are.  you are a bit of everyone walking abroad.

but last night and every night i do know and understand the dilemma of worry, an economic and personal financial crash.
you also know about trust and about cheating and about distasteful people who are very real and you never knew they existed.

you know each day will merge one into the other.
that no one will phone to ask how you are or even visit with a cheery smile to chat.
you know this never does happen ever, not regularly and certainly so infrequently we are measuring this in months not days.

never to have the phone ring.
never to have a meal brought to your door in friendship and concern.
never being asked 'is there anything you would like me to do for you.'
never being asked out, for that meal, or stroll on the prom cup of tea.

Never being given much of anything that in whats called once, a christian society would have been most available.  The little things that make the difference, as ringing someone is in the scheme of things, 'little.'

to understand hardship, sickness, disability, lonliness and isolation all wrapped up in one is about the hardest an individual can face on a daily basis.

so remember, hardship is in the 'feeling of it.'
and each person is the sum total of everyone else. So no different.
but what is different, what makes us what we should be, (intelligent beings), is the capacity to feel for another.
right now what i see, is a trotting by carelessly and a stepping over others with contempt, carelessness, lack of charity and lack of concern.

we are losing ourselves to a deep 'SOUL DEATH' and inaction is happening when a gentle touch of care in a small gesture or small gift is enough to lift a vulnerable person to the level of maybe even considering that 'its worth it after all'

dont wrap up your troubles in a small personal envelop, go out and share em, and chat with others and discuss the possibilities of getting out of trouble and sharing ideas for the collective, to get out of trouble, and these are things we can do, and we may have something to offer the other.
we usually do...if only we would SHARE the gifts we are lucky to posess.

sorry for the preachy tone, but the days have been dreary and i believe needlessly so.
most cannot overcome or triumph on their own.
most need a nudge up from others.