I have not enough pitbulls for the hse

another day and the same story in holy ireland.

We have a problem in ireland and i am still trying to work all this one out.
Ireland that is.

I guess the reasons why we are like we are is we are a small island and our history is steeped in gossip, slander, roguery and interbreeding.

its the only way i can fathom my country now.
its lack of modernity
lack of morality
lack of intelligence (the ones that stay that is)
the lack of diversity (the gossip elements)

we just seem never to work as a nation, ever.

the hse is a case in point and why do i say this?
because although about to be disbanded, it is relatively modern endeavour and when we discover now its gone all pear shaped its being scrapped, for another type of health service provider.
God knows what will come next, if the last two brigades didnt suit will anything?

We will shoot with the 'intelligence' bit first.

You get a powered chair, assessed for it.
you already had a powered scooter (but its clapped out, and known to be)
you ring in to say the wheelchair now has 'gone down with an illness, and it may be terminal.'
you ask what should you do with it
and the answer you get is...we are coming to take it back because you are not allowed have two powered gizmos at the same time!
now thats intelligence.

What will they do with a broken powered scooter that has been done to death on the roads, which has mrsa probably attached to not only the handlebars?
will they give it to some other poor sod eh?

or does it go the horse meat way?
or is THAT actually the horse meat way?

the powered chair is already a reconstituted bucket from ballyhaunis and how do i know this?
they told me they were reconstituting them up and sourced a place in ballyhaunis to do just this, but this isnt even the horse meat way cos its been found out, i have this item less than a month, and its already terminal.

I can also say that in the beginning of the year both my twin's scooter and mine were taken out by disease and the van died due to being in a fatal crash so we were effectively left in our estate without any means of getting to doctors appointments and other and no other way to buy food or set ourselves up, no we do not have anyone to do this we are on our own entirely and so we relied on the odd taxi.
this was paid for out of our funds.
not only that, but we nearly went  mental in the process, holed up in a place with no name.

mine has now, its called 'wicket' i kid you not, and not without reason.

so we paid for taxis until we couldnt afford that anymore and the mental status got me to ring the hse and ask when the two scooters were to be fixed.
'can you wait another two weeks?' was their answer.
Am i still 'with the' intelligence bit or have i moved on to another category when i mention this phrase?

No we cannot wait another two weeks, came the response.
now you know why my home is named thus.

they were fixed.
by an outfit being sued.
the scooters didnt go much better and so we got in another crowd.
this cost us plenty and no, the hse didnt refund us this either.
so this scooter, which they want back has now been paid for IN FULL.
its about ten years old anyway and i kept it serviced and spruced, so i feel its mine and i have earned it and loved it.
i dont love the ~HSE, but they know that, i have good reason.
they don't seem to get it and tell me that the staff feel dispirited with my attitude.
well i am the one feeling disgruntled with attitude, i can tell you personally.

then we have a case of economics and the way the health provision is run here in ireland.
we have a case of the saluki dog and the pitbulls.
those with the saluki and cash in hand can get bloods done instantly.
those who havent money have to have enough pitbulls to fight and you don't usually win but do end in tears as i did today when the gp tells me that he doesn't get paid to do bloods.
I needed to know my muscle enzyme markers and my autoimmune markers as i had a flare during the week which saw me in the wheelchair (the twin's one, remember mine is sick) and also because i am seeing the neurologist and absolutely need to know the status of my muscle enzymes because i have a muscle wasting disorder and this is my attempt to get OUT of ireland to no. 1 get a diagnosis and some class of treatment.
the only diagnosis i have to date is they know i am in a wheelchair and i am on morphine, other than that, i dont know why and thats what i want to know.
if i dont before i did they will not get my body for scientific research which i had promised but as they have done little when i am alive i doubt they will get my body when dead.
i cannot be worth MORE when i am dead then i am alive and its looking increasingly like this now.

we also had a bath-bad situation with the HSE too. they refused to me allow me keep it, even in my own private home, my first private home.
if i wanted to avail of the adaptation grant, they said i had to get rid of the bath and have a wetroom as they 'didnt want me coming back for more', this was a hse decision.
fearing me not being able to avail of the adaptation grant to allow me make the place suitable for a wheelchair  i had to agree with the wetroom, even if i had no choice, never met the person who was making me do this and i told the council i would still try to save my bath by discussion with the hse.
months and months and months went by and finally i managed with the help of the local td to save the bath - and this is about the most useful medical aid i have within these walls.
the bath helped my severe pain (i am on morphine).
i have generalised dystonia - a neurodegenerative difficulty.
i have a muscle wasting disorder and restless legs and fibromyalgia.
all helped by taking a bath.
none could be helped by a hole in the floor sitting upright in a hard chair.
so when i fought hard for the bath retention, i then lost the 20,000k. one old 1980's bath and a blasterboard wall saved and yet i lost 20,000k in the adaptation grant.
this had me driving around in the van in tears.
when were the irish institutions ever going to let me have the peace i yearned for.
how is it that a semi state organisation can MAKE you do something to your home, against your will all because 'we dont want you coming back for more.'
this wasnt about disability, it was economics.
an identical twin with a doctorate wasnt even quizzed queried nor bullied in the same manner.
i was, they knew i had nothing, absolutely nothing.
so they could interfer in my first home, which i paid for with an inheritance from my deceased dad and my deceased sister.
we have the state interferring in my life now DECADES and will it end.
i ask you to decide and make real for me.
but then when it comes to disability and the people who are disabled people in Ireland, it happens us, all of us, not just myself but us as a group.
this is what terrifies all disabled people in ireland, the disempowerment if you fight back.
and i will fight back.
no one can deny i will fight back.
if the HSE wrongs me, i will be on again and again and again, blogging the fact.
it effects me you know.
i have brain damage and asperger, but i will not, cannot let this sort of abuse go on, it goes on for all with disability in ireland.
this is not only my story, its the story of the saluki against the pitbulls.
and i walk tall and gracefully as a saluki but fight like a saluki, but the rich man's palm is not mine, i rely on how strong the teeth are and how i can hold on vice like for justice.

torture in ireland is totally unnecessary

today i was trying to settle for the weekend.

it is very hard in Ireland right now.
If you are disabled here, it torturous.
it is not only difficult to DEAL and ACCEPT disability, acquired disability along with birth defects but to deal with bourocracy here is on the level of torture.

there is no other way to put it and we have to face this.
We are not comfortable here with disability of any kind and we are being used as a butt to the economic difficulties and troubles.

I HAVE CONTRIBUTED IN NO WAY WHATSOVER TO THE FINANCIAL DOWNFALL OF MY SMALL COUNTRY ON THE EDGE - OF NOWHERE.

when i could, i worked.
when i was sick and now disabled i could not and cannot.
this is why we ensure to the best of our abilities to keep paying taxes and contributing as best we can.
this is a moral thing, to be able to say that you are not a drain on society but then again, very few are as all have gifts and talents to give to our fellow human being.
I have contributed, in more terms than financial.
I WAS BORN DISABLED, YET, i consistently worked with disabled people and brought empowerment and enjoyment in sometimes a limited life and style of living.
i brought laughter and joy and acceptance.
where ever i roamed within the day centres where i taught and in the homes i visited, the homes for the elderly, i was indeed enjoyed and people looked forward to my classes and my banter and skill.

yet now when the tables are turned and i NEED THE HELP THAT I SHOULD BE GETTING WITH ACCEPTANCE and WITH GOOD WILL, I FACE 'IRISH TORTURE'

there has been bullying on the part of the health services, there has been tears and accusations and slander too.
there has been a total unacceptence of who i am and an unwillingness to embrace my 'difference' as i present as a disabled woman with an autism spectrum disorder.

But to society i have contributed and was loved.
I gave love.
I cherished the times i spent with the depressed elderly trying to give reassurance and calm.
I cherished the times i found one single elderly man or woman so low that it was hard to wreck a smile from the wrinkled faces.  when i could bring them their confidence and committement back to life and the smile of agreement to this face i too joined and cherished the woman or man who turned even if briefly and felt part of the world and society.

remember, the smile of the elderly is what is received when they themselves believe in who they are.
too many now in the nursing homes of Ireland know they are there to die and to prolong a 'living' which they do accept.
ALL WANT TO BE WITH THEIR FAMILIES, NOT SHUNTED AWAY IN SOME DYING AND KILLING FIELDS OF NURSING HOMES.

i am edging and creeping to old age and the people who do not allow me to do this with grace and acceptance are the HSE AND LOCAL HEALTH SERVICES - in total.

to DENY me a good end is to allow torture to prevail in the lack of care and a disgust of who i am and what i stand for.

to FIGHT WITH ME OVER MY RIGHTS TO CHOSE, MY RIGHT TO GOOD HEALTH CARE AND THE WAY I WISH TO END MY DAYS, IS TANDAMOUNT TO TORTURE.

you have to feel accepted, you must be treasured as an individual who has contributed to society and who does deserve to end a dreadful existance in a country which never had much in the way of modernity.
In my lifetime.

what i faced for decades, discrimination, stigma and shunting away in some back hole of nowhere for the convenience of care services, middle class strata of society and also psychiatry was torture.
I received torture through psychiatry and then given an apology.
i received torture when i was badly rehoused between alcoholics and gun slinging children.
I have been deprived of the county of my birth as i fled to safety.
we are yes, talking about IRELAND, this country that is such a shining example of a nations willingness to 'face it on the chin, our debt crisis'

Many do not understand what it actually does on the ground to disabled people and the sick and ill.
we are in a dangerous health system now so depleted that the health service is, it is not providing quality care for all.

I am sickened by what Ireland does to us.
those of us who are cast aside so rudely, so nastily and so unkindly.
we are a nation who choses badly.
we chose to denigrate all those who have tried hard, and who through no fault of their own, end on the wrong side of health law.

I AM NOT TO BLAME FOR THE ILLS OF THE HEALTH SERVICE - DO NOT TAKE IT OUT ON ME, A DISABLED WOMAN WHO WANTS TO DIE IN PEACE.
I AM SITTING DOWN WITH A NEW FRIGHT, BROUGHT ON BY THE HSE AND A SCARE.
THIS IS TORTURE, NOTHING BUT TORTURE.

LET ME LIVE OUT IN PEACE, LOVE ACCEPTANCE AND CARE.
IT ISNT RIGHT TO DO WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO ME.

Irish Disability cuts

I want to understand what is going on here...

present at a pre-budget petition and requests to Kathleen Lynch at the Mansion house last year, she told us, (disabled) that we were in hard times and the following day we heard the unthinkable, Personal Assistance would be axed.

we rose up with the red card.

then came the promise of Enda to a woman with no limbs that under his watch no cuts in disability funds would be made.

he too lied.

he lied to this woman.

further cuts were made and more besides.

these people face us, face to face - hard people with callous minds and ways of delivery.

Kathleen Lynch does not 'agonise'  she wasnt agonising at the mansion house when she knew bloody awful news was going to be delivered to all of us who are disabled, within the next 24hrs.

she looked into space and was there in that place as a public relations officer, to hear us and yet do something different for us.

we again have the same Kathleen Lynch who took a question from the floor from my self and she said to my twin sister that she would help.

she met my twin sister, promised a response to a document my twin presented to her, almost six months later she never even acknowledged the meeting, yet alone deliver a response.

we both ring her secretary who tells us 'no further meeting' would be envisaged.

this is the type of response disabled people are getting.
the gloss facade, the fake.

you also have another sort of evil going on, within the HSE.
i will say the HSE can fund a disabled person a PA and yet say in the same breath that no person was to enter the disabled persons home until this disabled person is medically risk assessed!
yet the hse is actually FUNDING the PA to this disabled woman.
this disabled woman has fought hard and long, over a year to have her name cleared.
in the traversty which is the HSE, they say slanderous things against a sick person and yet fund help for her at the same time.
the former cannot be apologised for, the latter we hope will not be withdrawn.

the sick person is told that if she wants to bring it further, she will have to bring her case to the Ombudsmans office.

the ombudsmans office, wronged her and set four years of hell on earth for her, and it continues.

tell me please, what type of government are the irish people voting for.

the sick person also fears that because she stood up to the HSE over and over, she will in the end die at the hands of the HSE who will do this through neglect and inattention.

the sick person is convinced that she will be let die through non treatment because she is considered a peskie person and also not worthy of life.

she is very very scared and doesnt sleep at night.
The A&E departments are a horrendous fear for her, because she is usually shunted to the corner near the dirty laundry and left.

how can we change this sort and type of living for a disabled and sick person.
its a dreadful way to live.

we, the disabled people also know that this is now becoming common throughout the world.
we also know that pathwaying out exists.
we know that most of the elderly are literally 'put down' and 'put away' by their relatives who couldnt be bothered to care for them.

there is one law that is hopefully still truthful for the sick, elderly and disabled.
 making a "living will' and also making a will.
if everyone rises up and make the will according to concience.
if you are not cared for in this life by relatives, why leave them anything?
and the living W
ill will do its darnest to save you being dumped in one of our dreadful dying houses for the sick and elderly the 'nursing' homes.

if you have money, position and influence, you do not agonise over anything when it comes to health issues.
when you have none of these, there is every reason to fear for your life every time you go to bed.
i wish it were different.
it wont be, in my lifetime