to hell and HSE

sorry my supporters on my blog page.
i have not been writing much.
we have a situation you see, its pretty dire too.

I have been sick but alas you all know that much.
Alas you also know that i also have another situation and that is with my HSE care provision.

try as i might i cannot change this situation and its beginning to take its toll.
whether this is the intended response due to no response from the HSe i am not sure.
it does seem this way.

this is the trauma they want to create.
the PA's of the 'managers' all say it isnt, but i say it feels like it is!

try being so unwell and sick and disabled and FEEL but also KNOW you are abandoned?
try feel that feeling of isolation.
try thinking around the fact that no one visits, no one rings and no one cares.
try thinking about having no children, no sisters, no nephew and neices, no friends, no parents and no neighbours, you then can realise what it is to be both myself and my twin sister.

why has this actually happened you might say, its not that normal.
well no actually it isnt.
its not that we are abnormal, this isnt the case.
we are though different.
we would be classed as different and alot of it has to do with 'deafness.'
Deafness produces an individual that has a type of communication that is outside what most would understand.
the emphasis on word and language is different and it can all be veru loud and brusque.
underneath you have in fact two people aching for the laughs, just like anyone, the loves just like anyone and the banter just like everyone but it doesnt happen.
people find it tiring to have to repeat themselves mid conversation.
they find it irksome to see the difference that causes them to be cross.
cross because they lack understanding from the perspective of a deafened individual.
ha! i knew this too about my father, who became very deaf when elderly.  it drove us all nuts.
he thought everything was absolutely fine!
he got angry at us getting angry.
he couldnt understand why he could not have the tv blaring.
'its not THAT loud'  well , er, actually it is.
now thats saying something to twins who only have 30% hearing left.
he never answered when spoken to, walked away when you are speaking to him.
moved off when you were speaking to him.
never responded when you called him to din din, and caused someone to go looking for him.
he never answered the phone and that got left to someone else.
never answered the door, that too got left to someone else.
hardly ever laughed at a joke cos he never heard it in the first place.
never conversed at the dinner table and that was tough when it ended with only parents and deafies like my twin and myself.
it can make for strained relationships.
i guess all were happy when the tv was off, and we sat either asleep in the sitting room or reading a book, peace seemed then to reign, but normal discourse wasnt open to ye when dad was around but dad was old fgs.
so now us twins are deaf and we are alone.
the brusqueness we hated is there.
but not only is my chihuahua a marshmallow so too are my twin and i.
dying to please (the pun intended), and dying for the stroking.
it doesnt exactly come in spades.

ah, now on the other level of hse which was actually the title of this blog.
seek and search as i may i failed again to have an official of the hse return my call.
we remain, us twins with no physio, no wheelchairs, no ot service, no social worker, no psychological support no nuttin'
i spoke to John Hennessy's PA, (you wont get top brass, ever)  just like you wont get the president or the thaoseach. she had remembered me from my phone call made months ago, he, John is the director of primary care services in ireland.
so the pa said she would talk to john this guy.
well, have i heard this before, yes.
i am going to keep a notebook of all i contact within the hse on a daily basis and the response i get.  on one page i shall put the time, date and who i rang and on the other i shall put the response.
you can bet only the left side of the notebook will be filled.
it will be interesting too to  note, who said they would contact and how many people both said this and get a tally of how many people you actually tried to communicate with, in say a month.  about something that you needed.
lets set a task then.
i shall try and attempt get some movement for the wheelchair debacle, and i will document that alone and i will get back on here and tell you how it all went.
i have predicted the outcome before i start.
it will be where i start and as i started this.
like, here, as i type.
nothing will move further than this stance i can assure you.
if it does i shall promptly fall down and die, instantly and the HSE would love that.
one less to bother about and one less to provide a wheelchair too.
but this may be the sort of jokey side of things, it isnt that funny at all.
we do not get services, period.  and no one really cares.
its also known within the disability services that the media too will not report on anything much to do with disability and especially if it pertains to adults.
they may get the three day wonder with the kiddies, but you can forget it when you contact media.
they aint that interested and they wont even bother returning your phone call either!
my twin tried recently, but she had the phone put down mid sentence.
that was it, out.
gone.
you know we must too be the only country that doesnt protest about injustice of its own people.
there are some areas that people do protest.
sexual abuse is case in point.
people get very aroused over this.
because there is an understanding here when there isnt if you are not disabled.
people also get very excited when disabled or sick children suffer.
but believe me most suffering is pretty much equal.
incomprehension of suffering has been cited in the instances of children suffering, but then children too have a magic set of thinking values.
they do have that to sustain them.
adults see far more mobid feelings around sickness pain and disability.
the wards in childrens hospitals, 'sing'
did anyone ever see a ward for adults 'sing' in the same way.
like murals and nurses all jovial and everyone pulling out all the stops, red noses and angel wings or the best plum pudding on the campus.
nope.
we the adults deal with it, sour and demour we deal with it, grim face we have to be that stoic cos 'ah jesus, fgs' will you forever stop moaning about everything.
well, i would if there was red noses around me making me laugh, or sugar with the  medicine.
no sickness is about evened out amongst the age groups believe me.
but you dont do you.
so i didnt win on that but i rarely win on much.
i just dont win.
i want some red noses from the hse too, but they may think i mean bloodied.
they could be right.
there is such a thing as wanting to throttle some of these 'superior beings'.
well, no i dont think they are that. but they do.
so i do want to trottle.
i am waiting to die see, and there isnt much action from the hse to help me die in some kind of decent fashion.
my twin told me today of an individual who has liver cancer.
the hse would fund that over to the uk for treatment abroad but there is a six month waiting list.
he is on the verge of dying now.
so he has gone private and can ill afford this. but you would if its a case of life and death.
he is important to his family of young children.
but the hse dont see a triage system might work in this case, cos they dont think of this.
he is off now in uk and having the tests needed today.
i pray he gets a liver transplant or treatment or whatever.  he wont get it here.
a guy in canada had a transplant and was out of the hospital within ten days and having now to report back only regularly yes, but not that regularly. he had the transplant was walking the next day and out almost by the end of a full week and a few days, i couldnt believe it.
i do know this, its a relative of a relative of a relative by a marriage along the way so i know this as fact.
not bloody ireland no.
defo.
Enda, do you read my blogs, so we a 'modern society? ' would you like to say that again, enda, third time lucky,  ...'what are we?'....we are a modern society....'what are we?' ....we are a modern society....'what are we, er waiting for?'  to be come a modern society.
not in my lifetime alas.
tweedledum and tweeledee we are here.