I had an interesting day at the office for sure.
almost two years of anxiety and involvement with the law enforcement agency in my little country of Ireland, played on my twin's and my mind.
I have never been accused of a criminal offense before and certainly never anticipated ending at the local court room for petty criminals and traffic offenders, alcoholics and causing an affray!
a certain little missie of a garda, who was shifted promptly to the midlands, who was reprimanded by the Garda Ombudsman decided she was going to have 'her day in court,' well not so.
she did a sickie on this one!
she neither supplied the court with prosecution documents to the defense which she was requested by the courts to do before now, before today. she evidently didnt get much support for her argument.
so on a warm autumn day my twin and i dressed in our finary turned up at the court room in our wheelchairs. (Do you know how hard a courtroom bench is)?
we were early and i rang the solicitor worried, had we turned up on wrong day and had i missed my day in court, to be slapped with penalty points and a fine, all for the lack of turning up!
no court started at 2pm so we were ok.
a large woman with a strange haircut passed us.
she was wearing a sort of trench coat like the tv soap detective, the little guy who shuffled around in a battered car, whats his name?
anyway she passed and asked "you ann?' i answered in the affirmative.
"dont worry" she said kindly, "the Garda has gone out sick she aint turning up!" she told us that the case would be dropped.
along came our solicitor, with the bat ears.
nice guy, friendly today, much refreshed after the month of august off, very refreshed and refreshingly pleasant.
we chatted there for all to see out side the local crim court, about my dad's golf ball approach from the tee off. we talked about his humour, his giving up cigarettes at 70 in order to stretch them legs around the course to whack the wee ball from tee to hole
funny game really.
anyway we then turned attention to our mother.
poor ma, she was a fantastic golf player, coming to the sport late in life she achieved the unthinkable. reaching handicap three in just as many years. and was passed over as too elderly for the womans international golf team, mum never forgot that.
of her personality she was summed up as singular and formidable.
the solicitor remarked that 'she took no prisoners' which she didnt and the fact that 'she didnt suffer fools lightly' which she didnt.
on leaving court with a clear driving license i remarked to my twin, that I TOO did not take prisoners and i would see this little madam in the courts again for the worry she had put me through.
words are inadequate for what she did to us.
i came home and stripped, took the teeth out and lay up on the swinger in the yard.
gud it was great to be a free woman!
one problem has bit the dust, and we move on to the next.
and there are very much nexts indeed, indeed.
we have to source a house, see if i can get grants to upgrade a 'possible' we are to see on tuesday.
i am trying also to have my social housing unit boarded up with its contents inside and be moved into a safer environment in the interim of moving away from this county.
how can it be expected of me to pay for the priviledge of bringing a hammer to the bed with me?
this is a question that has no answers it seems with the professionals.
i have an answer but it doesnt hold much sway.
i should not be expect either to bring a hammer to bed with me or pay for this and pay for trauma on a daily basis, in essence.
i pay to be intimidated and face problems with men who just dont seem to want me here and resent me.
posh accent, which i cannot eradicate and no, i dont have the money to follow this. i am as disadvantaged as they are, surely this is a fact they simply must know?
do flowers on a van make me a wealthier person?
an old tank of a commercial van with suspect origin and cranked up and down systems which is darn hard to drive for a person with muscle difficulties and pain.
i am not driving the latest plush by any means.
this goes i am snookered absolutely.
we then have great things happening on the national platform - we have a budget shortly, warned to be of a strong nature for us on the bottom, gud dont touch my disab pension nor that of the elderly.
do not touch my perks to get me through the winter in heating etc.
but of course they will touch em. they have done and will again.
those on the top of the economic divide has found no recession, there has not been one and a noted commentated fact.
then we have media out there now rooting out stuff in our social awareness and the way we threat more less able, the people 'put away' for convenience.
as in Mary Raftery's programme, 'behind these walls.' RTE tv.
not many responded to the shocking revelations, which also says a lot for the irish people,there wasnt exactly an outcry.
this has to be subject for debate within the university degree courses, on philosophy and psychology and also sociology for how can it be that not much of a squeak was made of the fact that we put away 21,000 of our own, behind grim high walls all for the reason of being different and for getting in the way of the farms and the inheritors of the farms.
does anyone understand the 'insulin coma' therapy lark?
yes, this is what i agreed to if i went into hospital as a voluntary patient.
read up on this scandelous practise, basically putting us into a diabetic coma, thinking that after a while comatose that once brought round, you would be cured of your malaise.
i never knew i was signing for coma therapy or ect if they wished to administer this.
you are usually in a mess at the doors of a psych hospital when 20 something and terrified of the world.
i had many times the wish "lock me away and get me out of here" attitude. i wish i was told that the world was not so frightening and 'i will help you lass, to learn to cope with the worst of it.'
but no, behaviour presentations of fears, anxiety and terror of another human person was equated with sort of lunacy, insanity or at least, just a tad bit wanting and psychologically challenged.
in a respect to them i probably was a bit challenged but i dont think with any stretch of the imagination that diabetic comas or blasting my head with electricity would make me any less terrified of people.
now as a response to be in the 'system' men and doctors are killer machines and i am terrified of ending in a hopsital now for stigma of mental illness in ireland remains very poor.
we still have to address major human rights negligence against us and them, the less accomplished in life, when it comes to brain function in the sphere of interactiong and interconnecting.
lets not wish it on another that they should be so challenged for sure.
i still believe i can be let die as considered delusional and malingering.
not so.
Life now is cutting edge to stay alive and enjoy the moment, the fact i never 'made it' in society or in economic terms is totally irrelevant.
the fact i tried to be part of it and ask for help is relevant to the way the health system works here.
dont get me started down that route.
my twin has noticed how weak the service providers are, how unwilling they are to step above their station to fight for the rights of their clients.
the feeling within them that they are unable to do this, outside their brief, and that is all up to their boss.
yep university graduates!
also a fact that stuff gets processed so slowly here and sometimes not at all.
the longer you wait and stall, you may think the client has forgotten and given up.
not this client!
'ah sorry, i have not been back to you,' says the social worker advocate, can she explain it.
nay, she made a phone call to someone, couldnt get her and just kinda let it all fall apart and didnt know what to do next so bail out for five months, thus leaving a client high and dry and she getting paid for that.
dispute over whether she was pregnant and about to produce a baby is also irrelevent for someone should have looked at the books for surely they would have found a paper file with my name on it and sourced the advocate, especially the one not pregnant.
no one told the non pregnant advocate that her client was looking for her.
she just had a different middle name initial from the pregnant one.
but also emails had been swinging to her email address and they were all ignored.
'sorry, i am sorry, i have no explanation for you.' was all she could mutter.
my explanation on this lassis is you jumped ship thats what!
you jumped out on this one my girl.
such is the irish professionalism. its grand to be the irish citizen.
but one thing the twin has noticed, we do talk to each other, we do converse, like leaping out of a parked car to admire the furballs one has in tow and mutter that they feel dogs are better than humans.
oh and chat on the high road of the school you went to, and she knew someone there, and did you know for fact that the Archbisop beside the school sent messages to the chief nun in our convent to remonstrate with our teachers for letting us do handstands thus exposing the knickers.
oh yes, he did, and how did he discover that we were exposing knickers?
well he had a telescope trained on the lawns of the convent grounds, how else.
oh and he also kept a jersey cow, whatever that has to do with it.
but he did keep a cow, it was a fine cow too, lovely eyes, gorgeous cow. really lovely lovely cow!
amen to that.
AWNYAH TODAYSAY Ann living in the Republic of Ireland and it is not a good thing. We have now ratified the EU convention on the rights of people with disabilities, yet we failed in ratifying the optional protocol, allowing us ability to make complaints to the EU under the convention, with little facility to do so in our own country. We go unheard in every sense of the word. This is unjust and leaves us more vulnerable and open to abuses. We are suffering. I am suffering.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
overload of thoughts and social comment
Ireland and small minded professionals.
whether i can say it is small mindedness, will be for another to confirm but to me it is just this usually based on ignorance and lack of confidence.
It DOES take confidence to face a system, which you know as an 'insider' is rotten and unjust.
to do so would require bravery to step above the parapet to state professional opinion.
we are not good at this here.
but within certain state ranks and our health service ranks this should not be so...for few get the sack on this one...as long as people do not do outrageous things, irish professionals are not known to be doing outrageous things, especially in being proactive to ethics and morality and fair play.
the small mindedness is taking offense when someone points out to them that they are doing a bloody awful job, recently such a statement was made, yes, by myself to a health official.
i felt he was, being the local primary care team social worker he didnt even know the chief medical officer who 'weights' disabled tenants points for housing and on the rehousing lists and who can be contacted in times of crisis, but this bloke didnt even know who he was, even though he said he sent a letter in to him!
how can you do that if you dont know he exists?
this is a worse kind of ignorance.
to take offense of your professionalism being question and not terribly nicely, but one must transcend these personal attacks from traumatised women, as i was to try get meself out of bandit country. they should be noted in context, firstly and this is done by assessing the trauma, viewing the persons state and needs and assessing why the person has been so obnoxious, firstly and is it from bloody viciousness or born out of stress. in my case it was borne out of stress and terror.
i apologised and explained further that i was no saint and cannot be a saint in adversity but did apologise for my remarks indeed and meant it!
therapy is being processed as we speak - for me not the victim of 'alledged abuse' ah we have used a phrase i hate in this context!
words can be abusive, but does that make the conservation so wrong that it is considered abusing a person?
you can say a person has made an inappropiate personal attack, or a person has been hasty in their remark but can you call it down right abusive.
very few of outrageous comments are abusive, they are hurt full and out of order, abusive all depends but most dont come into that catagory, otherwise we would have the whole world up on abuse charges of a magnitude hither unknown.
Irish to be a triving new country and modern country, irish professional who have the qualifications and thus the courage of their status should grovelling and snivveling around their seniors, we are an age where team work in health service is what it is about. a social worker should be able to voice as seriously as a consultant, and should have the means to change structures if they feel strongly about things.
they should also take it upon themselves to report incidents where she/he feels are being neglectful and be able to effect change.
not so to say to a victim that 'oh it wouldnt be my position to go to the minister for health.'
her boss would have to do that! so she cannot be independent of thought, ethic and nor independent in speech, surely this is not a democracy where the lowly worker has no say in the grander picture, especially when her say would be valuable for she is at the coal face of things.
on a note of query on this one, should anybody be extremely harrassed and traumatised in her neighbourhood have to pay rent for this priviledge? why should a sick and vulnerable woman be accompanied to bed with a hammer on the sidetable?
why should a sick and disabled person pay for this priviledge via her disability pension.
she is pay to live in unsuitable social housing unit, its threatening to her psyche and body and she still has to pay for this.
what are the rights of the tenants in this case and also what are the duties of the landlord.
when a landlords states they will get over the difficulty of how and where i can do my physiotherpy programme promised at home, that promise to overcome inability to do this had not materialised and not much of the other suggestions made at the time been delivered.
two people sign a social housing agreement and i want to see the forms which we sign to see if i am the only one who should suffer!
out i want and out fast.
i want my shelter boarded up by the council and myself removed to a safe area/haven until i can secure my own home.
i am engaging in something to morrow that surely makes me more than a bit nervious.
this is proving quite hilarious at this point.
kinda bizzarre so i shall get back in her to be able to tell the tale.
take care
whether i can say it is small mindedness, will be for another to confirm but to me it is just this usually based on ignorance and lack of confidence.
It DOES take confidence to face a system, which you know as an 'insider' is rotten and unjust.
to do so would require bravery to step above the parapet to state professional opinion.
we are not good at this here.
but within certain state ranks and our health service ranks this should not be so...for few get the sack on this one...as long as people do not do outrageous things, irish professionals are not known to be doing outrageous things, especially in being proactive to ethics and morality and fair play.
the small mindedness is taking offense when someone points out to them that they are doing a bloody awful job, recently such a statement was made, yes, by myself to a health official.
i felt he was, being the local primary care team social worker he didnt even know the chief medical officer who 'weights' disabled tenants points for housing and on the rehousing lists and who can be contacted in times of crisis, but this bloke didnt even know who he was, even though he said he sent a letter in to him!
how can you do that if you dont know he exists?
this is a worse kind of ignorance.
to take offense of your professionalism being question and not terribly nicely, but one must transcend these personal attacks from traumatised women, as i was to try get meself out of bandit country. they should be noted in context, firstly and this is done by assessing the trauma, viewing the persons state and needs and assessing why the person has been so obnoxious, firstly and is it from bloody viciousness or born out of stress. in my case it was borne out of stress and terror.
i apologised and explained further that i was no saint and cannot be a saint in adversity but did apologise for my remarks indeed and meant it!
therapy is being processed as we speak - for me not the victim of 'alledged abuse' ah we have used a phrase i hate in this context!
words can be abusive, but does that make the conservation so wrong that it is considered abusing a person?
you can say a person has made an inappropiate personal attack, or a person has been hasty in their remark but can you call it down right abusive.
very few of outrageous comments are abusive, they are hurt full and out of order, abusive all depends but most dont come into that catagory, otherwise we would have the whole world up on abuse charges of a magnitude hither unknown.
Irish to be a triving new country and modern country, irish professional who have the qualifications and thus the courage of their status should grovelling and snivveling around their seniors, we are an age where team work in health service is what it is about. a social worker should be able to voice as seriously as a consultant, and should have the means to change structures if they feel strongly about things.
they should also take it upon themselves to report incidents where she/he feels are being neglectful and be able to effect change.
not so to say to a victim that 'oh it wouldnt be my position to go to the minister for health.'
her boss would have to do that! so she cannot be independent of thought, ethic and nor independent in speech, surely this is not a democracy where the lowly worker has no say in the grander picture, especially when her say would be valuable for she is at the coal face of things.
on a note of query on this one, should anybody be extremely harrassed and traumatised in her neighbourhood have to pay rent for this priviledge? why should a sick and vulnerable woman be accompanied to bed with a hammer on the sidetable?
why should a sick and disabled person pay for this priviledge via her disability pension.
she is pay to live in unsuitable social housing unit, its threatening to her psyche and body and she still has to pay for this.
what are the rights of the tenants in this case and also what are the duties of the landlord.
when a landlords states they will get over the difficulty of how and where i can do my physiotherpy programme promised at home, that promise to overcome inability to do this had not materialised and not much of the other suggestions made at the time been delivered.
two people sign a social housing agreement and i want to see the forms which we sign to see if i am the only one who should suffer!
out i want and out fast.
i want my shelter boarded up by the council and myself removed to a safe area/haven until i can secure my own home.
i am engaging in something to morrow that surely makes me more than a bit nervious.
this is proving quite hilarious at this point.
kinda bizzarre so i shall get back in her to be able to tell the tale.
take care
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Organising your last 'phase' in life
I am calling this my 'wake up call' blog.
its not just about myself, its everyone and it is everyone because all countries, all states and all health systems and economic structuring are mitigating against 'difference and disability.\
if you cannot provide in the mix of the economic financial coffers, you are in effect, a burden to the state.
where democracy is going in all this is beyond me.
the thinking now in all countries is 'walk over, walk by and think not of those less able.\
This is FACT!
not a comment, an off the cuff comment by an aggrieved single person with a disability.
No, this is FACT. If i was not such a disabled person i would still say it as FACT.
and why?
I am THE expert on 'Differenct' i am a living different person!
i live in the lower as it appears, stratum of society.
I am disabled, single, unemployed, on benefits, in social housing and compromised with poor sight, hearing and psychological make up, i am apserger!
so do i qualify amply to say what i say.
How can any other than the lower stratum speak of such things?
for a person entering a Life less Lived, i had to struggle with the economics. I started in the decline of the 70's which saw my twin leave due to the 'state of the nation' and i pretty much end in the complete and utter bottomed out state, and i end on the bottom literally and metaphorically.
Nothing changed for me from the 70's. there was no meteoric rise out of poverty and disadvantage and most of the Life Less Lived was trying to do just this, get up there Ann and be with the best of them"
Didnt make it folks, and made enemies on the way.
That is Big time enemies.
try overcome basic truths, yep - i was a slasher in the Life Less Lived, slashed though the corn fields of rich abundance like a field mouse, with teeth!
i slashed my way to the A&E's that is our wonderful health system.
i was stitched and sent away.
i overdosed, pumped and sent away.
i drank into a comatose state, nearly entered a Life FAR BETTER to live and sent away.
i entered that zone of the 'Near Death experience" and sent on my way.
Tis was a pretty practised structure for me to get out of the brain of unbearable discomfort to Live this Life Less Lived.
it was decidedly uncomfortable to life at all, period.
So what have i friggin learnt?
well for starters, there are a lot of people like myself.
Not EXACTLY like myself but pretty much, we are collectively the sort of scrap-heap, you know, "ah here comes trouble"
do anyone really understand what they say when they say this.
For them such as i might be perceived as Trouble, for me i was damn and darn troubled, i was troubled and i caused trouble being so trouble.
Does that make me less, i mean apart from the difference I am still pretty much the same as anyone else.
i have them bones, them blood and them brain, eyes and ears, some of which are and increasingly are completely and utterly dysfuctional.
that said, i just wanted to live in peace and feel part of the human race.
woe is me i dont feel anyone gave me half that chance.
try it when one has a dysfunctional body and well, did i mate, did i ask my mother and father to join up "one last time" to pro-create the magnificent?
well they got what they asked for, it is a well known fact that the mother didnt want any more than two and the mother attempted the Billings Method, oh yes, another tragedy of Roman Catholic thinking - and it is still ongoing as i speak.
so we have two, yep i have doubled up on this and big time.
we are two disabled ladies with a difference.
I even drive a singularly different van with pink and purple flowers on, not to cause trouble and a stir, but think it has, but because i liked this idea and fancied this idea and needed this idea to fulfil the fantastical within me.
brought a lot of smiles and leaping out at red traffic lights, did my flowers.
So where are we on the title?
Organising the last Phase?
Priority listing:
(top ten like)!
ONe must find a home...kinda important in the 'last phase,' and NO, it will not be a sheltered home.
secondly it is to arrange that i will be treated at human, lately come, as is the house!
this is, in the hospitals for now i really am physically dysfunctional so i kinda wanted that cared for.
my plan is NOT to go into the 'Near Death Experience' but many times i have been pushed to the laundry cupboard in the virtual wards of a lot of hospitals now.
I do not mate want the virtual wards.
next on the organisational front, is to corral the medics in one room and walls, for my sake not theirs.
i presently have a consultant in every hospital this side of dublin and one the other, the north side, considered on the south side as being far far away and just too far away and unthinkable!
so the next stage to get the above is sit down with the directors and matrons (whats left of that breed) and discuss the plans as in, treat this body and stop abusing her psyche, as done in the past.
it is also late in the day to be pursuading the medics that this woman here is not a basket case, but she isnt and my twin will attempt to prove it to them, in an effort to keep me alive.
see, i am a companion to the chihuahuas and my twin, much to everyone chagrin that i have not gone away, i am needed still ( I think) i will also ask my tiwn that, so that it is a proven fact.
Next please, i shall organise the WILL, yep. One must prepare and organise.
My will will be the proven fact that I am alive and that i took note on Life Less LIved and for those who helped me along the way, there might be just reward and fruits. But be of no illusion, for those that bottomed out on this one, there will be no pennies in the pot, period (again).
one such organised plot is to make sure i have one person who will keep me in the land of the lucid,the land of the intelligent and the land of what is actually the land of normal persons, (I am one of them, believe it or not)!
i have made a significant 'other' a 'power of authorny. This is significant.
the tenant of this Blog is to be a WARNING. one must PrEPARE, and you know why cos there are a lot out there who want to stomp, in fact most now do a lot of stomping on others, and the others are that lot that is perceived trouble. the perceived troubled and trouble have the least ability to keep my country afloat so many want me and similar at the bottom of the ocean, and thus is the same in every state and country now on the planet.
so once the organisation is on steam one individual should be able to sniff the roses and listen to the birds.
and when my mortal coil is shook or shaken then the rest of the populace can, do pretty much as they please, for thats what they did when alive and thats what they will do when i am dead.
the moral of this blog being ORGANISE your LAST PHASE of LIfe like tripping to the MOON!
its not just about myself, its everyone and it is everyone because all countries, all states and all health systems and economic structuring are mitigating against 'difference and disability.\
if you cannot provide in the mix of the economic financial coffers, you are in effect, a burden to the state.
where democracy is going in all this is beyond me.
the thinking now in all countries is 'walk over, walk by and think not of those less able.\
This is FACT!
not a comment, an off the cuff comment by an aggrieved single person with a disability.
No, this is FACT. If i was not such a disabled person i would still say it as FACT.
and why?
I am THE expert on 'Differenct' i am a living different person!
i live in the lower as it appears, stratum of society.
I am disabled, single, unemployed, on benefits, in social housing and compromised with poor sight, hearing and psychological make up, i am apserger!
so do i qualify amply to say what i say.
How can any other than the lower stratum speak of such things?
for a person entering a Life less Lived, i had to struggle with the economics. I started in the decline of the 70's which saw my twin leave due to the 'state of the nation' and i pretty much end in the complete and utter bottomed out state, and i end on the bottom literally and metaphorically.
Nothing changed for me from the 70's. there was no meteoric rise out of poverty and disadvantage and most of the Life Less Lived was trying to do just this, get up there Ann and be with the best of them"
Didnt make it folks, and made enemies on the way.
That is Big time enemies.
try overcome basic truths, yep - i was a slasher in the Life Less Lived, slashed though the corn fields of rich abundance like a field mouse, with teeth!
i slashed my way to the A&E's that is our wonderful health system.
i was stitched and sent away.
i overdosed, pumped and sent away.
i drank into a comatose state, nearly entered a Life FAR BETTER to live and sent away.
i entered that zone of the 'Near Death experience" and sent on my way.
Tis was a pretty practised structure for me to get out of the brain of unbearable discomfort to Live this Life Less Lived.
it was decidedly uncomfortable to life at all, period.
So what have i friggin learnt?
well for starters, there are a lot of people like myself.
Not EXACTLY like myself but pretty much, we are collectively the sort of scrap-heap, you know, "ah here comes trouble"
do anyone really understand what they say when they say this.
For them such as i might be perceived as Trouble, for me i was damn and darn troubled, i was troubled and i caused trouble being so trouble.
Does that make me less, i mean apart from the difference I am still pretty much the same as anyone else.
i have them bones, them blood and them brain, eyes and ears, some of which are and increasingly are completely and utterly dysfuctional.
that said, i just wanted to live in peace and feel part of the human race.
woe is me i dont feel anyone gave me half that chance.
try it when one has a dysfunctional body and well, did i mate, did i ask my mother and father to join up "one last time" to pro-create the magnificent?
well they got what they asked for, it is a well known fact that the mother didnt want any more than two and the mother attempted the Billings Method, oh yes, another tragedy of Roman Catholic thinking - and it is still ongoing as i speak.
so we have two, yep i have doubled up on this and big time.
we are two disabled ladies with a difference.
I even drive a singularly different van with pink and purple flowers on, not to cause trouble and a stir, but think it has, but because i liked this idea and fancied this idea and needed this idea to fulfil the fantastical within me.
brought a lot of smiles and leaping out at red traffic lights, did my flowers.
So where are we on the title?
Organising the last Phase?
Priority listing:
(top ten like)!
ONe must find a home...kinda important in the 'last phase,' and NO, it will not be a sheltered home.
secondly it is to arrange that i will be treated at human, lately come, as is the house!
this is, in the hospitals for now i really am physically dysfunctional so i kinda wanted that cared for.
my plan is NOT to go into the 'Near Death Experience' but many times i have been pushed to the laundry cupboard in the virtual wards of a lot of hospitals now.
I do not mate want the virtual wards.
next on the organisational front, is to corral the medics in one room and walls, for my sake not theirs.
i presently have a consultant in every hospital this side of dublin and one the other, the north side, considered on the south side as being far far away and just too far away and unthinkable!
so the next stage to get the above is sit down with the directors and matrons (whats left of that breed) and discuss the plans as in, treat this body and stop abusing her psyche, as done in the past.
it is also late in the day to be pursuading the medics that this woman here is not a basket case, but she isnt and my twin will attempt to prove it to them, in an effort to keep me alive.
see, i am a companion to the chihuahuas and my twin, much to everyone chagrin that i have not gone away, i am needed still ( I think) i will also ask my tiwn that, so that it is a proven fact.
Next please, i shall organise the WILL, yep. One must prepare and organise.
My will will be the proven fact that I am alive and that i took note on Life Less LIved and for those who helped me along the way, there might be just reward and fruits. But be of no illusion, for those that bottomed out on this one, there will be no pennies in the pot, period (again).
one such organised plot is to make sure i have one person who will keep me in the land of the lucid,the land of the intelligent and the land of what is actually the land of normal persons, (I am one of them, believe it or not)!
i have made a significant 'other' a 'power of authorny. This is significant.
the tenant of this Blog is to be a WARNING. one must PrEPARE, and you know why cos there are a lot out there who want to stomp, in fact most now do a lot of stomping on others, and the others are that lot that is perceived trouble. the perceived troubled and trouble have the least ability to keep my country afloat so many want me and similar at the bottom of the ocean, and thus is the same in every state and country now on the planet.
so once the organisation is on steam one individual should be able to sniff the roses and listen to the birds.
and when my mortal coil is shook or shaken then the rest of the populace can, do pretty much as they please, for thats what they did when alive and thats what they will do when i am dead.
the moral of this blog being ORGANISE your LAST PHASE of LIfe like tripping to the MOON!
Monday, August 22, 2011
a starting point of nothing
I am a bit nervous about to-morrow i have to say.
I need 'OUT' of the hospital for sure.
It looks as if the nurses believe i will be out.
But what has been settled?
it is fully understood that i intend to stay firm in the face of adversity.
i have told the consultants that my housing difficulies was, difficult.
i have told the hse community care team that i am at the end of the rope and will no longer put myself in a vulnerable situation in a violent and intimatory enclave where i feel threatened. where my person feels threatened and so too my mind and soul.
my heatlh as well is increasingly suffer.
when i though of my Pankhurst style stance in this i wonder would the history books read so well all for it?
I hardly think so. we will see that identical twins lived and led a comparitively different life all told.
There is a doctor in the house after centuries and in those centuries the doctor was indeed a woman before her.
and yet, history will show that no member of this so called elite-ist family was ever in social housing.
but she is fine and did fine.
but definitely no one ran under the horse for protest, in my case lay down on the brown leather sofa in the hospital and claimed, sorry doc, no where to go and i aint budging."
so its a first, provocateur style. "ah will you grab her by the ankles and take her off the bloody course." you may hear them say.
well, it will come to that.
there could be shame and scary tomorrow, but i shall do it for repeated shame and scary and downright overly scarey when i had to take up a single residency in face of boozers all around another female none in sight.
need for justice takes desperate measures.
and so when the family too look back they will with shame, for they had a panki in the house!
and what does emily do, she shows up the men but in this case (the family). it woiuldnt go unnoticed amongst the war clans in these parts that an unusual presidence has been struck within the conservative, upstanding upper middle class family.
I will go down in history as an aggitator and my twin as an instigator.
well at least the nouns seem pretty similar.
so war may begin and the shit will be laid bare. and an emily panki is going to announce the truth, take a bow (not really) and return to her seat, (bed, really!) lets see what will happen next....watch this space!|
I need 'OUT' of the hospital for sure.
It looks as if the nurses believe i will be out.
But what has been settled?
it is fully understood that i intend to stay firm in the face of adversity.
i have told the consultants that my housing difficulies was, difficult.
i have told the hse community care team that i am at the end of the rope and will no longer put myself in a vulnerable situation in a violent and intimatory enclave where i feel threatened. where my person feels threatened and so too my mind and soul.
my heatlh as well is increasingly suffer.
when i though of my Pankhurst style stance in this i wonder would the history books read so well all for it?
I hardly think so. we will see that identical twins lived and led a comparitively different life all told.
There is a doctor in the house after centuries and in those centuries the doctor was indeed a woman before her.
and yet, history will show that no member of this so called elite-ist family was ever in social housing.
but she is fine and did fine.
but definitely no one ran under the horse for protest, in my case lay down on the brown leather sofa in the hospital and claimed, sorry doc, no where to go and i aint budging."
so its a first, provocateur style. "ah will you grab her by the ankles and take her off the bloody course." you may hear them say.
well, it will come to that.
there could be shame and scary tomorrow, but i shall do it for repeated shame and scary and downright overly scarey when i had to take up a single residency in face of boozers all around another female none in sight.
need for justice takes desperate measures.
and so when the family too look back they will with shame, for they had a panki in the house!
and what does emily do, she shows up the men but in this case (the family). it woiuldnt go unnoticed amongst the war clans in these parts that an unusual presidence has been struck within the conservative, upstanding upper middle class family.
I will go down in history as an aggitator and my twin as an instigator.
well at least the nouns seem pretty similar.
so war may begin and the shit will be laid bare. and an emily panki is going to announce the truth, take a bow (not really) and return to her seat, (bed, really!) lets see what will happen next....watch this space!|
Sunday, August 21, 2011
When the Bees sting - when Cancers take over - when all is but a space for possibilities
I think for many, listening to the voices within and without about how one conducts oneself in life can be very hard indeed.
sometimes it takes a tumble to settled us down on that seat from which one can see more clearly and calmly.
its that time of quiet that a person can sift through chaos and despair and find some interesting clues and possibilities for way outs of despair.
Always the answer is within the self.
But not always the answer is entirely UP to the SELF.
the answer being a committed collaboration of committed kind people.
a bit of give and take,
a bit of holding back and plenty of boundaries and careful footsteps.
I would like to say that if a person in chaos admits that behaviours and presentations have been too strong for most to take and understand, it is not a 'given' to say "i told you so" and "well now, what are you going to do to change your ways?"
it is not about that.
certainly changing ways is the best way forward.
but changing ways means too that others must do similar so that the situation does not decent to the gutter again as it had before.
its as always collaboration.
one admits the faults and the others take stock and see how the faults occurred. the sick person is needy and also a kind sick person so the others must sit calmly and say "what on earth would make it better for her, even if only a small thing?"
for a person to be shattered to the bone, so much so that health is compromised with continuous hospitalizations one has to think that this isn't entirely about changing ways of behaviours.
it has to be about changing structures of care, relationships and understanding.
always in life, when we have a war on our hands, or in our lives, mediation of outside forces, intervention and 'clean up' are all expected from a idealist world that it has to be better than it was.
the 'clean up' should begin i hope.
lets hope that the junta is ready and that the foot soldiers are all fit and healthy to help clean the land-mines amidst the unfortunate who never wanted it this way.
No do not say - well, you now see your behaviour was in vain.
it wasn't. it was a way of trying to deal with something with so many limits it was absolutely impossible to surmount.
the rage within was a consequence and the result was the behaviour seen.
this is not about 'i told you so.'
this is about perspective of all.
one is sick and tried.
others are maybe sick, did not try. Did not try at all, it has to be said.
the ones who blamed and shredded and did not try cannot be smug now at what has happened.
what this has done was driven an individual to the base of rock despair with few choices, little help and absolutely no understanding whatsoever.
the sick woman will try.
she will also be a person now intent on personal integrity and a personal life to preserve sanity for self this time.
to preserve energy for self.
the individual life at the end is not going to be sacrificed for the many who chose not to be a committed traveller on a long road, which from now on will not be an easy one.
if by the short first bend a person looks right and sees the sick one, takes the hand in guiding together down that windy path so be it.
if that does not happen, it will not be up to the sick one to remain committed to a group situation where she is ostracized and castigated all for the sake of personal convenience of selfishness.
i, as the sick one will take personal responsibility for strong and childish behaviours, all based in exhaustion and despair, all based from a standpoint of little ability to do what was asked of me.
this responsibility i shall attain and work to hold from here on in.
but in doing this, things will change.
no longer will the use of this person as the scapegoat will tolerated.
each individual on the map of a small localized family group will have to judge concience and see if they had a roll to play in the disintegration of the confidence within a very sick person.
No one should be asked to sit plonk and told to shift arse on attitude when none are prepared to assist in change.
attitude, behaviours, loves, likes and comittments take actually a lot of COMITTMENT.
no one becomes exhausted for no reason.
no one would wish it that some take more of the responsibiiity than others.
no one would wish it for themselves.
so ditto amongst the human clan.
i shall commit to change and try the tolerance stake.
but i will commit to others only as far as my integrity stays intact and my life is respected and is within the bounds that can be a peaceful life with no overdue burdens of responsibility.
I wil take up the poison challenge to try correct the wrongs.
but i will take it up knowing the base for the past few years and never relinguish my belief base on this.
i will admit its been hard for others to face Awynah with her careering disability to manage stress.
but stress it was, and most uncalled for, unwarranted and unneeded.
all was and could have been avoided.
many now will have to look at Awnyah and see that she cannot be expected to fill rolls she is unable to fill.
she is but one single fly on the leaf.
so for this midget to cope will the bees stop buzzing around and stinging so hard.
will the bees start making honey to get us through the winter months.
i want my honey on my toast, by the fire with the other midgets in my life.
but no fecking bloody wasps a-ganging up on a single celled eggit please.
get off ye bugs and change and metamophasize into an agreeable beasty for all to enjoy and relish at the side of the coal grate, this coming winter and many winters ahead.
all cosy by the hearth of life please, with no more biting, bitching and blaming.
just lets all see what can be done for the change that is upon us.
i rest my case.
my prayers are done and dusted.
lets say too my friends i met another on this path here in a small place.
as taking the air for a walk with sticks i met a woman with a smile and a shock of ginger hair.
she is in my friends, knowingly, that her cancer is spreading through her body like wildfire.
and she could only say to me, we never know, but all we can do is live the next day.
who could disagree with this i ask.
who has it in their charge that one must live better than another when all have the capacity to help each other live better than at present or in the past.
jus help each other along this way.
the cancer is not far behind for all.
i am not sitting on that wall with the shock of ginger facing the horror of the next few months.
may God keep that beautiful woman safe in his arms as she faces this trauma.
i am gutted to have met a woman in so much fears for surely she must.
please help us all face these sort of things.
all the best from a weary woman.
and she is a good woman to boot.
sometimes it takes a tumble to settled us down on that seat from which one can see more clearly and calmly.
its that time of quiet that a person can sift through chaos and despair and find some interesting clues and possibilities for way outs of despair.
Always the answer is within the self.
But not always the answer is entirely UP to the SELF.
the answer being a committed collaboration of committed kind people.
a bit of give and take,
a bit of holding back and plenty of boundaries and careful footsteps.
I would like to say that if a person in chaos admits that behaviours and presentations have been too strong for most to take and understand, it is not a 'given' to say "i told you so" and "well now, what are you going to do to change your ways?"
it is not about that.
certainly changing ways is the best way forward.
but changing ways means too that others must do similar so that the situation does not decent to the gutter again as it had before.
its as always collaboration.
one admits the faults and the others take stock and see how the faults occurred. the sick person is needy and also a kind sick person so the others must sit calmly and say "what on earth would make it better for her, even if only a small thing?"
for a person to be shattered to the bone, so much so that health is compromised with continuous hospitalizations one has to think that this isn't entirely about changing ways of behaviours.
it has to be about changing structures of care, relationships and understanding.
always in life, when we have a war on our hands, or in our lives, mediation of outside forces, intervention and 'clean up' are all expected from a idealist world that it has to be better than it was.
the 'clean up' should begin i hope.
lets hope that the junta is ready and that the foot soldiers are all fit and healthy to help clean the land-mines amidst the unfortunate who never wanted it this way.
No do not say - well, you now see your behaviour was in vain.
it wasn't. it was a way of trying to deal with something with so many limits it was absolutely impossible to surmount.
the rage within was a consequence and the result was the behaviour seen.
this is not about 'i told you so.'
this is about perspective of all.
one is sick and tried.
others are maybe sick, did not try. Did not try at all, it has to be said.
the ones who blamed and shredded and did not try cannot be smug now at what has happened.
what this has done was driven an individual to the base of rock despair with few choices, little help and absolutely no understanding whatsoever.
the sick woman will try.
she will also be a person now intent on personal integrity and a personal life to preserve sanity for self this time.
to preserve energy for self.
the individual life at the end is not going to be sacrificed for the many who chose not to be a committed traveller on a long road, which from now on will not be an easy one.
if by the short first bend a person looks right and sees the sick one, takes the hand in guiding together down that windy path so be it.
if that does not happen, it will not be up to the sick one to remain committed to a group situation where she is ostracized and castigated all for the sake of personal convenience of selfishness.
i, as the sick one will take personal responsibility for strong and childish behaviours, all based in exhaustion and despair, all based from a standpoint of little ability to do what was asked of me.
this responsibility i shall attain and work to hold from here on in.
but in doing this, things will change.
no longer will the use of this person as the scapegoat will tolerated.
each individual on the map of a small localized family group will have to judge concience and see if they had a roll to play in the disintegration of the confidence within a very sick person.
No one should be asked to sit plonk and told to shift arse on attitude when none are prepared to assist in change.
attitude, behaviours, loves, likes and comittments take actually a lot of COMITTMENT.
no one becomes exhausted for no reason.
no one would wish it that some take more of the responsibiiity than others.
no one would wish it for themselves.
so ditto amongst the human clan.
i shall commit to change and try the tolerance stake.
but i will commit to others only as far as my integrity stays intact and my life is respected and is within the bounds that can be a peaceful life with no overdue burdens of responsibility.
I wil take up the poison challenge to try correct the wrongs.
but i will take it up knowing the base for the past few years and never relinguish my belief base on this.
i will admit its been hard for others to face Awynah with her careering disability to manage stress.
but stress it was, and most uncalled for, unwarranted and unneeded.
all was and could have been avoided.
many now will have to look at Awnyah and see that she cannot be expected to fill rolls she is unable to fill.
she is but one single fly on the leaf.
so for this midget to cope will the bees stop buzzing around and stinging so hard.
will the bees start making honey to get us through the winter months.
i want my honey on my toast, by the fire with the other midgets in my life.
but no fecking bloody wasps a-ganging up on a single celled eggit please.
get off ye bugs and change and metamophasize into an agreeable beasty for all to enjoy and relish at the side of the coal grate, this coming winter and many winters ahead.
all cosy by the hearth of life please, with no more biting, bitching and blaming.
just lets all see what can be done for the change that is upon us.
i rest my case.
my prayers are done and dusted.
lets say too my friends i met another on this path here in a small place.
as taking the air for a walk with sticks i met a woman with a smile and a shock of ginger hair.
she is in my friends, knowingly, that her cancer is spreading through her body like wildfire.
and she could only say to me, we never know, but all we can do is live the next day.
who could disagree with this i ask.
who has it in their charge that one must live better than another when all have the capacity to help each other live better than at present or in the past.
jus help each other along this way.
the cancer is not far behind for all.
i am not sitting on that wall with the shock of ginger facing the horror of the next few months.
may God keep that beautiful woman safe in his arms as she faces this trauma.
i am gutted to have met a woman in so much fears for surely she must.
please help us all face these sort of things.
all the best from a weary woman.
and she is a good woman to boot.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
aspies, fright and such things as living!
ah well my friends you just have to give it your best shot eh? this stuff of life which the native indians have sussed out and also the yogis - bears of the world. well done.
tis me being a tad bit bored and also a tad bit regretful as i reflect on massive storms and jolting of lives and traumatic experiences for all once they sit with the old Awynah here eh?
the only place to put the weary Awynah and her bloody stomach of trouble is in the hospital, single room MRSA positive.
clap her there, drip her up and stoke down the fire in that belly of hers, metaphorically, real and physical.
Awynah had a crohns collapse as well as nearly loosing the mind and brain, the one she thought was fantastic at organization and spirit, pluck and expertise.
Oh how wrong i was and oh how Mae a Culpa i was too, for those who know, please correct the spellin'
well this Aspie is setting down some personal boundaries, setting a simple goal to tackle the difficulties squarely, realistically and through peaceful means.
no longer throwing missiles which actually hit the target now, not just the walls near the target(s).
so no more ducking i hope.
we have to set a straight path to progress.
the crohns has calmed well, the injections of boots of steroids did the trick and i am recovering from a belt of a collapse, with the puking and shitting plenty.
as i recover i count the cost and lost of such a deshevelled few months with those i love dearly.
never ever destroy cos you are in mighty pain. do realize that everyone else is in pain too.
many who fight forget that the pain is equal and shared aplenty methinks by now.
so the plan is to go calm, watch the steps i take, don't gobble up ground and dust in the pacing frantic clomping 'march on.'
boundaries my friends, boundaries for all, for boundaries keep you sane and keep you aware of what you can do and what you cannot.
it is especially important for those struggling with health issues.
living with health issues means you absolutely MUST spare the energy banks.
there is little reserve to tide you by if the banks go bankrupt.
pennys not bucks, pennies not euros or dollars. just simple pennies of energy spent on others, for you care. you do care so much.
but caring and sharing is the stuff of energy banks reserves.
we must share the energy reserves to stay ahead o posse.
well to gabble on i now have to tackle the fight against my 'no pay-rent bug" he/she has to be booted out of my skin and that of the one i infected.
thanks to St. Michaels A&E department. thanks. you take your life in your hands visiting that there place in an emergency!
so the aspie is staying cool and very positive, tis great to do so in the virtual world but in the process the body is stilled great, with the googling and 'no speak' chat, which saves the vocal chords and the spin from the mind with overload of the senses.
Overload, my friends destroys the energy banks, thats there are bloody armour tanks going into the skull with wheels of iron and mashing up such simple buildings of brain and grey matter.
go smash some other bank now please.
spare me the steel and guns.
oh ann is on a roll with this one for sure.
so is the Mitzi, and the other Mitzis of the world all over.
creative havoc to save the many suffering people and saving the need for further suffering.
oh Mitzi there fighting for the protection of the unborn child from the dreadful consequences of contracting Rubella in the womb when being nourished to form a perfect human being.
Awnyah is now off to the scratcher with the internal guns ablazing with ideas for 'Positivity'
Awnyah faced demons before and took em on and won.
oh for awynah who shook the anti-depressants, the wallop and dollops of mega heavy drugs, the drink and fags. all gone, up stakes and gone out of the body and soul of the 'oh please give me peace' body of Awynah.
As the attacked once said and gave plaques for evidence "when i sorted my head out the body fell apart" oh so true.
but with it i took the wheels by clench did i not, my attacked?
who can drive the van-o like the good old Awnyah todaysay! who can stamp the grey with pink and purple and have you being chased down alleyways and lanes to red lights and more aflashing? "Where did you get the flowers on that there van, i just HAD TO KNOW!"
ah sure thats what the Flower Power was all about, peace, cherishing each and everyone.
cherishing and nourishing and nurturing the weary.
my pink and purple flowers will sing from here on. If i get out of Jail.
i have a charge to fight in the courts in September, bloody pipsqeak of a guard who got overload of power that day a year and more on Easter Sunday - never forget day that.
wait to September dear young guard who wanted to whip and adapted van from under the useless legs and that of the attacked as-formentioned above.
bloody hell the life of an Aspie and Attacked is a long and rocky one for sure.
but the welcomed bugs and bees buzz on and so must we all, aspie or not, there is some living to be done. so lets begin on a grand parade of celebration.
now what a belt of a blog on this one here.
blame the pump of all that whacking steroids on the blazing guns of the Awnyah todaysay.
oh good night my friends, good night.
tis me being a tad bit bored and also a tad bit regretful as i reflect on massive storms and jolting of lives and traumatic experiences for all once they sit with the old Awynah here eh?
the only place to put the weary Awynah and her bloody stomach of trouble is in the hospital, single room MRSA positive.
clap her there, drip her up and stoke down the fire in that belly of hers, metaphorically, real and physical.
Awynah had a crohns collapse as well as nearly loosing the mind and brain, the one she thought was fantastic at organization and spirit, pluck and expertise.
Oh how wrong i was and oh how Mae a Culpa i was too, for those who know, please correct the spellin'
well this Aspie is setting down some personal boundaries, setting a simple goal to tackle the difficulties squarely, realistically and through peaceful means.
no longer throwing missiles which actually hit the target now, not just the walls near the target(s).
so no more ducking i hope.
we have to set a straight path to progress.
the crohns has calmed well, the injections of boots of steroids did the trick and i am recovering from a belt of a collapse, with the puking and shitting plenty.
as i recover i count the cost and lost of such a deshevelled few months with those i love dearly.
never ever destroy cos you are in mighty pain. do realize that everyone else is in pain too.
many who fight forget that the pain is equal and shared aplenty methinks by now.
so the plan is to go calm, watch the steps i take, don't gobble up ground and dust in the pacing frantic clomping 'march on.'
boundaries my friends, boundaries for all, for boundaries keep you sane and keep you aware of what you can do and what you cannot.
it is especially important for those struggling with health issues.
living with health issues means you absolutely MUST spare the energy banks.
there is little reserve to tide you by if the banks go bankrupt.
pennys not bucks, pennies not euros or dollars. just simple pennies of energy spent on others, for you care. you do care so much.
but caring and sharing is the stuff of energy banks reserves.
we must share the energy reserves to stay ahead o posse.
well to gabble on i now have to tackle the fight against my 'no pay-rent bug" he/she has to be booted out of my skin and that of the one i infected.
thanks to St. Michaels A&E department. thanks. you take your life in your hands visiting that there place in an emergency!
so the aspie is staying cool and very positive, tis great to do so in the virtual world but in the process the body is stilled great, with the googling and 'no speak' chat, which saves the vocal chords and the spin from the mind with overload of the senses.
Overload, my friends destroys the energy banks, thats there are bloody armour tanks going into the skull with wheels of iron and mashing up such simple buildings of brain and grey matter.
go smash some other bank now please.
spare me the steel and guns.
oh ann is on a roll with this one for sure.
so is the Mitzi, and the other Mitzis of the world all over.
creative havoc to save the many suffering people and saving the need for further suffering.
oh Mitzi there fighting for the protection of the unborn child from the dreadful consequences of contracting Rubella in the womb when being nourished to form a perfect human being.
Awnyah is now off to the scratcher with the internal guns ablazing with ideas for 'Positivity'
Awnyah faced demons before and took em on and won.
oh for awynah who shook the anti-depressants, the wallop and dollops of mega heavy drugs, the drink and fags. all gone, up stakes and gone out of the body and soul of the 'oh please give me peace' body of Awynah.
As the attacked once said and gave plaques for evidence "when i sorted my head out the body fell apart" oh so true.
but with it i took the wheels by clench did i not, my attacked?
who can drive the van-o like the good old Awnyah todaysay! who can stamp the grey with pink and purple and have you being chased down alleyways and lanes to red lights and more aflashing? "Where did you get the flowers on that there van, i just HAD TO KNOW!"
ah sure thats what the Flower Power was all about, peace, cherishing each and everyone.
cherishing and nourishing and nurturing the weary.
my pink and purple flowers will sing from here on. If i get out of Jail.
i have a charge to fight in the courts in September, bloody pipsqeak of a guard who got overload of power that day a year and more on Easter Sunday - never forget day that.
wait to September dear young guard who wanted to whip and adapted van from under the useless legs and that of the attacked as-formentioned above.
bloody hell the life of an Aspie and Attacked is a long and rocky one for sure.
but the welcomed bugs and bees buzz on and so must we all, aspie or not, there is some living to be done. so lets begin on a grand parade of celebration.
now what a belt of a blog on this one here.
blame the pump of all that whacking steroids on the blazing guns of the Awnyah todaysay.
oh good night my friends, good night.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Balance of Love 11
my 'part 1 of "Balance of Love" was unedited and i am ashamed, but enthusiasm knows no bounds.
I started off part one of this blog with the need to say that cruelty never ever produces good results.
also the way one learns is a thin line between too much love and no love at all.
and when all this is in the mix of childhood it is disastrous.
there is a small factor i do not understand fully.
where does personality come in when one is able to aborb the worst abuses and also the little of the best assets.
that is, in light of bullying some people do fare better than others.
so personality has a role to play.
there is one thing about mixed messages of bullying and love and love been given and taken away - very few winners in total.
that is why the balance of love is so very fine.
and because it is so fine, few get that balance which leads to the bigger picture of the entire universe being dragged up on a base of dysfunction and lack of attunement to the perfectness that is intrinsically inherent but never achieved.
but humans do make or break others, especially in allowing individuals to develop.
the roles then of parenthood are an enormous burden and the most uneducated role on the planet, not skills based at all! very hit and miss.
Most people can find many faults in their parents whereas they see few in their teachers.
thats because teachers are not the first so called educators and they are the first educated professionals!
from the vantage point of being the oldie in a dysfunctional system i see what has happened when cruelty whether conciously given or not has had an effect on others, other than myself.
where too little love and too much has had its own effects too and where there is an unpredictable element in the dosage as well, which can be equally destabilizing.
when i look at the ruination of one life, my own i write so that i can make a difference in younger persons perceptions of human life.
I wish cruelty of the 'known kind' to stop and for the known kind to be pointed out to others and taken on board.
I wish for young people to understand that you cannot lash love out there in vast amounts especially the wrong kind of love.
if you do not understand love and never fully known healthy love then you certainly cannot give it and certainly cannot accept it.
when mothers have so much power too on how they can distribute this love a person who does not receive adequate doses feels the power of it and will not be able to understand the very nature of power.
so cruelty, love, hate, too little and too much love is a vicious mix.
and when you meet 'Hurt' its Lethal.
i could have said all of part one and two in a few words - "everything in moderation, makes a mature person and a human person not a hurt person nor a sick person."
THread SOFTLY FOR YOU THREAD ON MY DREAMS."
I started off part one of this blog with the need to say that cruelty never ever produces good results.
also the way one learns is a thin line between too much love and no love at all.
and when all this is in the mix of childhood it is disastrous.
there is a small factor i do not understand fully.
where does personality come in when one is able to aborb the worst abuses and also the little of the best assets.
that is, in light of bullying some people do fare better than others.
so personality has a role to play.
there is one thing about mixed messages of bullying and love and love been given and taken away - very few winners in total.
that is why the balance of love is so very fine.
and because it is so fine, few get that balance which leads to the bigger picture of the entire universe being dragged up on a base of dysfunction and lack of attunement to the perfectness that is intrinsically inherent but never achieved.
but humans do make or break others, especially in allowing individuals to develop.
the roles then of parenthood are an enormous burden and the most uneducated role on the planet, not skills based at all! very hit and miss.
Most people can find many faults in their parents whereas they see few in their teachers.
thats because teachers are not the first so called educators and they are the first educated professionals!
from the vantage point of being the oldie in a dysfunctional system i see what has happened when cruelty whether conciously given or not has had an effect on others, other than myself.
where too little love and too much has had its own effects too and where there is an unpredictable element in the dosage as well, which can be equally destabilizing.
when i look at the ruination of one life, my own i write so that i can make a difference in younger persons perceptions of human life.
I wish cruelty of the 'known kind' to stop and for the known kind to be pointed out to others and taken on board.
I wish for young people to understand that you cannot lash love out there in vast amounts especially the wrong kind of love.
if you do not understand love and never fully known healthy love then you certainly cannot give it and certainly cannot accept it.
when mothers have so much power too on how they can distribute this love a person who does not receive adequate doses feels the power of it and will not be able to understand the very nature of power.
so cruelty, love, hate, too little and too much love is a vicious mix.
and when you meet 'Hurt' its Lethal.
i could have said all of part one and two in a few words - "everything in moderation, makes a mature person and a human person not a hurt person nor a sick person."
THread SOFTLY FOR YOU THREAD ON MY DREAMS."
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