Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Being a twin

I would like to really understand others' view of 'twinship.'
Many know of the conjoined twins and  when the mothers say that they will make sure they remain so close because they were in actual fact from the start. Wrong.
separation is normal.  Separation for any human being is normal.
Separation for twins is not only normal but essential.
its the closeness that will get to us in the end.
the Expectations of the relationship.
We, as twins see the relationship very different to others see it.
My twin and i have been essentially, 'divorced' for over 40yrs.
What is it about perception that most think that we should love unreservedly, be as close to each other as we were at age 7yrs old?  No one can quite comprehend a twin murdering her other half with fighting, rows and squabbles.
Right then, who left the toothpaste cap off?
Now you understand.
its the little things.
I do things differently to the twin.
when she plays with her dog in the snow at 8am and i do the dishes at that time, that is dancing to a different tune, with the drum beats at odds.
who wants the dishes done first so that she can play in snow, knowing on return you can find a warm and clean place to bed down?
ON the other hand, who wants to play first, because she finds it difficult to get close to the day any other way, that early.
my twin does do things differently.  Very.
Are we mad, bad or indifferent, to squabble?
Actually 'NO'
She is my sister, I am hers.
she has been away 40yrs, returns, changed from experience and disabilty.
she is a social worker, i am an artist.
and the gulf between is the pacific not the Irish Sea!
Do we love each other?  "Yes of course we do, you Fool!"
We brought each other up!
Do you want the best for the twin, yes.
Do you worry, fret, riddle yourself with anxiety for your dear twin?
"Of course we do you f...idiot!"
We are blood brothers (actually sisters), so we love each other, we are twins and have that bond that no other has, but its not a marriage.
It is not a contract to Love her and no one else til death do us part.
It is nature gone wrong.  An older mother who had twins, and this is what happens older mothers, more likely to have twins.
so we at the end of a tired line, are twins.
Did we chose it, no.
Just as we chose not to be married, in church, in a civil ceremony, in front of the buddha or the Irish sea, or the back yard pond.
we are not married, period.
Here is an experiment - try flinging two women aged 58yrs old together, both with neurodegenerative disorders, having not lived under the same roof for over forty years and say - "here you go, now look after her and you look after her and live together in harmony for the rest of your life."
thanks mate, try it when a fabulous dog leaps from the snow thick with snow balls right onto your face as you try to rest!
not fun.
do you love that damn dog, passionately actually, but no, i dont expect a black woolly mammoth to leap from the stomach high snow right onto my bed, lep across my own middle and brush that coat of her, against my flesh with pure, cold ice balls.
Does my twin too, want to be plagued about whose turn it is to wash up.
No she doesnt, does she have to?  No, actually she doesnt.
who is happy though, not I for sure when i am dead beat and need the dishes washed.
So we have difference.
How many of you are advocating the rights to be just that, 'different'.
it doesnt seem as if the call for acceptance of difference comes when you have an identical twin sister.
its all in the twee perception, that the blood in our veins is the same and its a heart to lung thing, that is two hearts to lungs, and its circulating in order to make both halves breath, get the oxygen (and the energy) to cope with illness - and to be a twin.
She is presently reading the papers, i am shut in bedroom watching birds and typing.
we are different.  And the same goes to every twin alive today, who carry the burden of the inheritance of a twin.
and the burden is thus because others place that upon the shoulders of twins who know our differences and no one else wants to see that, this is so, this is the way and this is actually, 'normal!'
I love my twin and her mad dog, Saffi.
without a doubt.
but i want myself and independence, without a doubt.
we are bonded and wrapped in love and support for each other, end of similarities, bar the walk in the snow with my chihuahuas in our coat hoods, to protect their wee paws getting frost bite!

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