a thinkable scribble again say...

Yes, as i sit here listening to the washing machine whirr and watching my sis reading i am alone with the thoughts and the laptop.
the patio door is open, i look out into darkness, and wonder is it a worry to sit like this when i am in the East End of London, on a short trip?
will a short trip end or will someone else trip into the bolt hole i am in right now?
well, lets believe no one will do any tripping in and shortly i shall shut them doors, cos once the clock strikes a certain hour, one must not invite the trippers but stop em even feeling encouraged to trip under cover of darkness, and weakness...
now for the planned scribble and scribbling.

its about 'what is it about' and its about 'i want to be independent til the day i pop my clogs, no trippers welcomed here.
When i mean independent, many will wonder why i use such a word.
Independent is what most believe they are!
I believe i am.
i will be right in that, an all are when they believe they are independent.
so what exactly does this word mean...and in what context.
there are several grades of independence until you reach that grade that is 'dependent.'
the first being the total.
the total independent..as in young independents, married independents, and economic independents.
and then the grades either rise or get lower depending on the words and ways you would like.
my independence is 'under threat' that is, i have it in abundance, in my mind...and i have it in abundance in my ability as i see it.
what i dont have is the first grader of independence, that is the young, married and economically with-it independent.
I am just above that or below..all depends...i guess.
i need a bit of help..in being independent?
does that mean i aint inde?
i am inde..very much inde...
so what does it mean 'a bit of help?'
well the wealthy say they 'need a bit of help' and pay for it, so that they can enjoy a better 'quality' (debateable), but i say 'i need a bit of help' to enjoy life...defo inde in my view.
so please someone take away the strain that floors my body...not my mind and will i want to add... but the body.
my body like anyones is inclined to defect from its responsibilities to hold its owner upright in a fit and able manner.
so thats why i need help.
for the body is weak and the spirit is willing..to be independent.
so i get the help, but at a cost...to the state, actually.
why is this important?
for many reasons.
the society we have today demands of itself not to help many in their midst.
family structures are not as tight as they were, for individualism and materialism has joined all the other isms to create selfish..isms.
and they are many.
but when we say that the state gives help to a body falling apart it also has a rebound effect on society.
it upholds the law of averages.
that is, people get paid for being a helper, and so a job is created.
a job which is now a precious thing to have.
in this instance we have two helpers in the equasion, one is helping the other in paid employment and the other is helping the tudder to live. that is quality for two and each then cancels out the other.
neither are dependents.
this useful sort of thinking is vital.  this is the thinking that has to be entertained.
and so if we bring this further, paid help for a body breaking up and down, releases others of responsibilities.  it doesnt nor release them from the moral responsibility of caring for others, no.  that goes without saying.  goes without saying for this is the law of being human.
but the release being the burden on those who may be too heavily burdened to help much.
help a little yes, help much no.
if all understand the way this works, no one will feel the guilt that is there when you see a loved one breaking down and up and all ways.
its to understand.
when i say i want to be independent.  this is a right.
the is a basic human right.
more and more, again in our wonderful enlightened society, people are being put away, under the guise of 'its for the best.'
that too, is debateable.
for whose 'best' we now have to consider.
when we put people away and shut them out of society we do something to society.
we defo down all the tools of moral responsibilty.
no human is meant to be shut out of the community for expediency.
all have a role to play no matter how small.
All will end up as a weakened body, a hurt body, a painful body.  All go through this at levels i describe.
what do you want for yourselves. we have to ask this question.
is it that the children put you away as soon as possible and will you be angry, will you feel that its intolerable.
will you also feel depressed?
you will.
i have seen this too often.
i have seen and witnessed utter despair of abandonment in such places as homes for the elderly.
none are nice, with the best will in the world they are not nice.
the elderly know why they are there.  to die.
be under no illusion.
the day you are brought in your fluffy slippers, in the car of your children to the gates of the 'nursing home,' is the day you cease to exist to all and sundry.
you are now entering the last level of life.  that is just letting the body do what it does, disintegrate.
in the process nothing else is allowed do anything.
you cannot exercise your thoughts well, you are not heard.
you cannot participate in community and society, you are not let.
you are told to take the mashed potatoes and the laxative and let us 'take over' your 'care.'
and its for the best.
no its not.
its for the dying process.
I am independent and will remain so, in this process a young woman or other is putting food on the table, contributing to her society, she is getting a just wage for a good and just job.
she is helping another LIVE!